Why "Forced Bi"?

My sexuality has evolved over the years. I've examined and reexamined my psyche to figure out what makes me tick because I like to know the why's of things.

I'm comfortable enough now to admit I have a bi-side...but...it has to be in context. Just looking at a guy doesn't do anything for me (although pretty sissies and shemales most definitely does!) but if I am feminized and submissive and under control, ie being 'forced' to do so I squirm and ache and yearn for it with all of my sissy heart.

The outside and cynical observer will and has claimed that 'forced bi', like 'forced fem', is just an excuse the submissive male needs to act out bi or gay tendencies to alleviate any guilt or shame the male may feel from those tendencies. A way for the psyche to rationalize what he is doing. And for some male subs, for all I know that may even be the case. But I think its wrong to generalize and thereby dismiss fetish people like this: put them all in some pat and easy to understand box. I think reality is a lot more complex than this.

I can't speak for all subs, but I can speak for myself, and I know its nowhere near that simple. My sexuality...my submissiveness, my forced fem desires, my forced bi, they all derive from a deep need to be wanted. Loved. Secure. If someone goes to all of that trouble to keep me (feminize, dominate, enslave) and not let me go, they must REALLY really want me. And my inner self feels warm and safe and loved.

Everything else--the dressing, the rituals, the protocols etc etc are just externalizations of that deep basic human need. The means to an end.

When I was a child my mind made the equation that being kept in female clothes was just like bondage. Put me in a dress, take my male clothes away, and I'm helpless to run away, I'm trapped. As I grew older these sexual thoughts evolved, almost like a natural progression. Being dressed up was only one layer of mental bondage...being forced to act the part of female, to pretend my male side did not even exist was another. To surrender my sexuality, be taken with a strap-on dildo was another.

To be forced to submit to a real man...only the next logical step. How far down the rabbit hole can I go, how many more mental chains can be wrapped around me to increase those feelings of being loved and wanted and kept.

To be wanted that much....by men AND women? *shivers*

It took years for my sexuality to evolve to this point. Things that started as the deepest darkest fantasies of my teenage years now come to full bloom as an adult as I began to live some of them out.

I am at my happiest when I am fully feminized and subservient and being dominated and controlled. Owned. It is the hottest, most erotic thing in the world to me as well as the warmest, safest mindspace I can be in. The further down the rabbit hole, the happier I am.

Its utterly utterly addicting. If I didn't have to slave away in the real world I would live like this, if I could.

So yes...I can admit now, I am bi. In context. In the outer world? No, I am not. But as Tia?

Fuck yes. *deep red blush*

Tia wants not only to suck cock and be fucked by one, she wants to be seduced by a man. Touched all over by one, caressed, held down, overpowered by one. Kissed. Long, deep kisses where I melt into it and feel myself far down in that deep mindspace of being so utterly and beautifully feminized that I am lovingly imprisoned in that role. I want to feel strong hands trace their way all around every curve of my body. To surrender, body and soul. Feel that hot hard cock on my asscheeks...shiver with the knowledge that *I*...me of all people!..made him hard and am about to be fucked..

Call him Master.

I want to feel pretty and desired by a man. Even though I know I'm not and nowhere near passable, I need to feel it. To try to believe that someone else thinks I am. To be wanted and kept this way.

That's the heart of the fetish to me. So far down the rabbit hole, to become a wanted and kept sextoy to both men and women, to fulfill that basic desire to be desired.

My own sissy heaven.

It don't matter if you're black or white

I have to admit to a little twinge of white liberal angst at seeing all of the 'sissy white cuckold to Dominant Black Male' fantasy stuff on tumblr, and the net.

Is it because the sissy who is fantasizing this scenario has a bit of a racist streak, and the black man in the fantasy is playing to the humiliation fetish? Kind of a reverse-racism?

Of course, with my own fetish interest in feminization I am perfectly aware that I myself can be accused of being misogynistic--that I see that the wearing of women's clothes as demeaning.

I don't, incidentally. Embarrassing yes, demeaning no. For me and my own fetish makeup its about being beautiful...feminization as a means of worship and enslavement. My hangups are more based in insecurity rather than sexism...I've examined the insides of my own head at some length.

So, I admit I live in a glass house as well. I'm not going to throw stones at anyone else's fetish: perhaps the explanation for it is something other than racism and I just don't understand.

The above illustration would be hot to me regardless of the colors involved. Forced bi at the hands of a Dominant Woman is a major hot button for me, guaranteed to cause much erotic squirming every time. And yes, I'm sure that can be picked apart by politically minded activist types into something far more negative than it actually is: such people like to argue for arguing's sake and appear to have too much free time on their hands to pontificate about them endlessly.

I often wonder about people who spend so much time and energy arguing over porn, of all things. With all that is wrong in the world, the cause that makes them so passionate is PORN?? Their lives must be blissfully free of problems for such a trivial thing to be the big motivator in their life.

I've actually had the good fortune to have been playmates once with a lovely black girl (I miss you Shy!) and race was never a part of it. We'd joke and giggle about it a bit, but it was never part of our play at all. She was a hot young girl who enjoyed teasing and tormenting me with my Mistress: I was just a toy, and friend.

And to me that's as it should be.

Happy Birthdayversary! (prelude)

First I guess I need to give y'all a little bit of backstory. Tia's birthday is on February 6th. And the first year we were together I put my collar on him on Feb. 4th. I meant it to be a birthday gift that year but he was traveling out of town that weekend for his brother's wedding. I didn't seriously think he was liable to meet some other dom and slip out of my clutches while he was away, but I wanted to mark him as MINE before I let him go anyway. So what with it being his birthday...and one of our anniversaries...and with Valentine's Day so close...well, it does tend to turn out to be a major event on our holiday calendar.

This year's a little different. We're even broker than usual; so broke that tia's having to move to a more economical place to live. We won't have our playroom anymore and truthfully the place he's moving to is kind of a dump. I know, because I'm the landlord. :p

(The reasons why Izzy & I happen to be in possession of a crappy old mobile home which will henceforth be referred to as Sandpit Manor are another story.)

Anyway, I wanted to do something REALLY special for this year's birthdayversary celebration. And I also wanted to somehow inject some joy into this move. There was this scheme I'd had in the back of my mind for a long, long time, and as soon as I knew for sure that he was moving into Sandpit Manor it occurred to me that NOW was the time for it. The following was written the evening of February 4th, 2012, as I prepared to put my long-anticipated plot into action...

---

Tonight’s the night.

I can’t remember when I first conceived this idea. I’ve certainly been holding it in the back of my mind for a long, long time. Waiting for the right moment. And this is SO the right moment.

You will surely want me to write about this weekend after it’s done*. (Assuming it all goes well of course. Which is something I’m not at all certain about.) And I will try to, I must try to. But I also thought it would be nice to record some of my thoughts beforehand. I’m bursting with excitement, walking around the house cackling and grinning to myself, and worse, I can’t talk to anybody about it. I can’t say anything in front of the kids…can’t tweet or post or you’ll see…my sense of decorum prohibits me divulging the juicy details to anyone but Izzy…and my sense of emo-avoidance prohibits me from going on and on about it to Izzy.

But omg this is…I guess this is a dream come true for me. I think (fear?) that I may enjoy it more than you do. I so want it to be incredible for you, leave you feeling swept away, captured, caged in a box where all the walls have my evil smile. And used, gloriously, hedonistically, in every possible way and then some used. I want this weekend to be so incredible that you will actually feel nostalgic about the graffiti’d walls and rotting paneling when they go.

I want your first experience in your new home to be once in a lifetime. In a good way.

I can’t remember when the idea first came to me. But I knew as soon as we committed to this move that NOW was the time. Now was the time for so many reasons: it’s dead cheap, which is a necessity for us right now. Sandpit Manor is in crappy shape, literally looking like a crackhouse – kind of perfect for the scene. And like I said, I desperately want to give you a good first impression.

(I know we’re working with a specialized definition of a good first impression here.)

And to make it all even better, it’s something I’m really really excited about doing. So excited that I suspect thinking about it has brought on my current ‘horny spell’! It’s like…it’s like this is the closest I’ve ever come to capturing the feelings aroused by my masturbatory fantasies. Like this is the closest I’ve ever come to having that kind of control. I don’t know if these are the right words; these feelings seem so fresh and new, I can’t really articulate what’s inside. (And ok, it doesn’t help that I’m trying to write this with major kiddus interruptus happening.)

I’ve been plotting with Izzy almost since it occurred to me that now was the time. And I’ve been scampering around like a madwoman today making my preparations. You, who are forever wishing that I was more Machiavellian, would be (will be!) delighted I think. I thought a lot about how best to bind you: quickly, but it needs to be something that feels serious. I hope the vet wrap does the trick. And it was a nice bonus that we already had some in the toy chest.

I consulted Izzy about using a weapon during the grab. He strongly advised me against using a real gun, even unloaded, just in case the authorities get involved inadvertently. And he didn’t want me borrowing any of his pretty bladed things; a sentiment I can’t disagree with knowing my own physical limitations. The thought of accidentally harming you is more than enough to make me forgo anything with a truly sharp edge. But I did buy a toy knife, and a toy gun. I don’t know which of them will have a more convincing feel but I’ve been having real interesting thoughts about both in the context of penetration play. *grin*

I also spent an hour today picking out different outfits to dress my pretty slave in. I only chose one “dominatrix” ensemble for myself. I want my chance to play dress-up too but I don’t want to spend the whole weekend that way! I will go for Mistressly comfort and delight in making you wear uncomfortably sexy things for me. I don’t intend to tell you this until the last possible minute but I packed some boy clothes for you too; I don’t really mean to make you go outside dressed in the extremely slutty garb I’ve selected for you to wear. And I packed some comic books for you, and a pack of your allergy medicine.

I also made a trip to the liquor store and got, among other things, a 6-pack of Killian’s Red. I think one of my most brilliant notions was the idea of feeding you bbq and beer…in a dog dish. *wickedgrin*

I guess I don’t need to note every single detail of my plans. You’ll be discovering them all in the flesh beginning in just a few hours. I just wanted to say a little bit about my scheming, and how much fun I’ve been having in the doing of it

---

* And I was right. Tia started pestering me to write an account of the experience as soon as I let him up for air. :p

Stay tuned for all the juicy details!

Sleeping Violation

The idea of creeping up on someone & ravishing them in their sleep is one that runs though quite a lot of my fantasies. And as pre-engineered scenes go it’s an easy one to put together on the spur of the moment. So last night I decided to throw tia a mighty swerve and ‘rape’ him in his sleep.

My mojo has been seriously limping lately. Worries about money, about the kids, about my health and that of my loved ones; all the usual crap of life has been dragging me down. And I’ve been going around bitching and whining about needing a domme fix for weeks.

We’d shot a scene together yesterday that went pretty well. It wasn’t enough to get my fires blazing, but it was a decent spark. Then after I tucked tia in bed I did a few more solo clips that fanned those flames a good bit higher. By the time I was ready to quit for the night I was also ready for some serious action.

And tia was asleep.

Naturally my mind supplied the favorite arousal-button of the sleeping violation, so I quickly assembled my “rape kit”: Strapon (of course) but no lube, as I happened to know my victim had some on his bedside table. *whistles innocently* A long scarf to tie his wrists with. A nice fat ballgag and a damp washcloth.

(I actually took some time debating how best to secure his wrists. Shackles? Rope? I needed it to be fast but not terribly secure; knowing my slut he was more likely to beg for more than put up any serious resistance. The scarf won on grounds of speediness.)

Silently opening his door I saw that he had a pillow over his face. Good; the light wouldn’t wake him and I’d be able to be on him before he knew I was there. I pulled the door almost shut; leaving a sliver of light that was just enough to see by. Didn’t want to rouse my victim’s roommate! Then, laying the washcloth down beside the bed and moving the lube within easy reach, I climbed on top of him. I shoved the gag into his mouth and leaned down to growl in his ear “do exactly as I say and you won’t get hurt bitch”.

The gag fastened in place I pushed him over onto his stomach, grabbing one arm and twisting it up behind his back as I did so. My scarf made a quick lark’s head around one wrist and the ends were available to bind the other, which I was already tugging into place. His hands secured, I climbed off his shivering body. I stopped beside him, my hand on his ass, to murmur in his ear again: “Mmm, that’s a sweet ass you got there bitch. I’m really gonna like sticking my dick in it. And if it’s not as much fun for you as it is for me…well, too bad”. He shivered as I gave his ass a solid smack.

Moving around to straddle his legs, I spread his buttcheeks and slid my silicone hard-on between them. I could feel the moisture of our earlier congress still present; there seemed to be quite a lot of it. “Well well, the little slut’s all juiced up already” I taunted him, rubbing my cockhead around his anus. “Were you waiting for me to come and fuck you bitch? I bet you were, I know how you slutty little sissy whores are, always wanting to have a cock in you. I bet I don’t even need to use any lube do I?” I continued, abruptly shoving the first two inches of my dick past his sphincter.

I immediately pulled back out as his sharp gasp let me know how much the sudden intrusion hurt. A few seconds pause to let the spasm subside and I knew he would take me much easier. Wanting to be on the safe side but still maintain the illusion of an unprepared entry I sneakily squirted the tiniest dab of lube I could onto the head of my dick while I was at it. Then, taking aim once more, I pushed my entire length into him in one firm stroke. “That’s it, take every inch of it baby. Gonna fill that sweet ass up with my cock whether you like it or not.” He moaned as I began to slide in and out.

After a few seconds of fucking I shifted position so that one of my knees was between his thighs. Now I was at a better angle to tease my clit with the strapon, and I could balance my weight on my legs, freeing my hands to do other things. I kept one hand on his hip, squeezing it, using it to pull his pelvis toward me in time with my thrusts, occasionally giving him another smack. My other hand was at his wrists, pinning them down. Then in his hair, pulling his head back as I snarled: “oh yeah, you like that bitch, don’t you? Having that big ol cock all the way up in there, being used like the slutty little whore you are. We both know what a filthy sissy tramp you are, don’t we? DON’T WE?” He moans in helpless acquiescence as I yank his head back even harder.

I continued shoving my fucktool into him, telling him what a whore he was, a horny, cum-craving sissy whore, telling him that I knew slutty little sissy bitches like him needed their hungry asses filled, murmuring words of filthy humiliation in his ear as I ground my pelvis against his soft white ass. Until, at last (though it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes really), I came.

I always am a little surprised I don’t ejaculate when I cum. It sure FEELS like I do; a jumping, throbbing pulse that squeezeshoots out bursts of…something. From the cock that’s not my flesh squirting into the body of my lover/victim, which I can almost(still not really) feel squeezing around me. I guess it’s at these moments that I most feel a…lack…in my body, or a closeness to the genital equipment I might have opted for, if given a choice.

A-ny-way, back to my story…I gave tia’s ass one more smack and informed him “you’re a nice piece of ass bitch, a fine little piece of fuckmeat. I really enjoyed sticking it to you.” Three more pounding thrusts HARD into his butt to emphasize my point and I yanked my purple phallus out of his abused asshole.

“But you’re not done yet bitch” I continued, hastily scrubbing the dildo with my damp washcloth. (Were you wondering when I’d get to that?) I released one of his bound hands and tugged both arms so that I could re-tie them above his head. Then, moving to kneel beside his face, I unfastened the ball-gag and placed the tip of my cock against his lips. “You got my cock all dirty, now you have to lick it clean” I said as I shoved it into his whimpering mouth.

I swear, that boy never gives such good blowjobs as when he’s half asleep. Or maybe it’s just that his throat is more relaxed, he’s able to open up and let me just fuck the shit out of his face. That’s definitely what I was doing now; I’d meant to give a few thrusts just to drive home his enslavement and humiliation. But he was so receptive, taking my dick down his throat with such moaning ease, that I started to get really aroused again. I wound one hand through his hair and with the other reached down to grab his little cock. I kept pulling and yanking on it, roughly jerking him while I fucked his face. I didn’t think I was likely to cum again but it felt so good I didn’t want to stop. The physical sensations, the dildo pressing rhythmically against my mons, pulling his hair, feeling his cockette twitching in my hand…and the sense of sheer dominant triumph at having him helpless, at my mercy, and using him so…the combination was intoxicating.

But stop I did, eventually, pulling my dick out of his mouth with an audible ‘plop’. I smacked him with it a few times, rubbing his face in it, then used the palm of my hand for one last stinging slap on the cheek. “See you later bitch” I threatened, and as he lay there naked and trembling, hands still bound and whimpering with frustrated need, I walked, laughing, out the door.

'Porn' From the Stone Age, or 'A Young Perv Awakens'

These kids today...ai yi yi, they have it made... *old man voice*

I remember way back when I was a preteen/teenager, wayyy back before this newfangled 'internet' thing made it possible for you to find every variety of smut and porn under the sun, I had to figure out my developing sexuality and get my thrills on my own. No internet, too young to go to adult stores, what's a budding young perv to do?

Obviously as a responsible adult I don't condone underagers looking at porn and if by chance any of you reading these words ARE underage LOG OFF immediately and, I dunno, go watch something wholesome, damnit!

Like watch videos on MTV. Lady Gaga or Rhianna or something. :P

So, anyway...I was young, it was the early 80's, I had all of these urges and thoughts fermenting in my head, what was I to do?

One avenue was stolen porn magazines, or getting into my friend's dad's porn mag stash. He had all kinds of vanilla stuff. Hustlers and some XXX movie mags mostly. Nice to look at really but nothing really memorable. No, the real find for me was the 'letters' style of magazine. Big thick volumes of letters written by so-called 'real readers' that you instinctively knew were bullshit but that didn't matter really. "You wouldn't believe it, but I picked up these hitchhiking Swedish twins in my van and...." That kind of thing.

Many of these magazines were divided up into sections based on an activity or kink. They seemed to have something for everyone, from voyeurism to swinging to interracial encounters to you-name-it. Every couple of pages would be a kind of hot grainy B&W photo that only, with a bit of imagination, tied into the activity that group of letters happened to be about.

I was...mesmerized..by the Femdom section. I'd read the letters over and over again, imagining the action, putting myself in the place of the hapless submissive male who was being overpowered, blackmailed, put into bondage and feminized into permanent captivity to a beautiful Dominant Woman who would keep him her slave and playtoy forever..

To me, it wasn't like I made a conscious decision in my head "Oh that sounds hot, I would like to try that someday". It was more of...an epiphany of sorts. A realization deep in my heart, soul, and loins that this is who I am. Feelings and urges inside of me for years before I had even picked up a porno magazine in my life--things that I didn't understand suddenly had names and identities. I was a submissive male. I was into BDSM. I needed to belong to a Mistress. I now had a vocabulary and a frame of reference for these feelings and needs.

The aches in my body to be used and abused, dominated and enslaved like the men in the stories was so painful it was...delicious.

Now...what to do about it? I wanted...needed...more....

And in those miserable pre-internet Reagan years of youth there was NOTHING else. So I got, quite frankly, pathetic.

There exists in this house today--I have it still, and Mistress has seen it--a VCR tape that I made over many many late nights as a teen of things that just happened to rub me the right way in my 'special place', and I duly recorded and would masturbate furiously to.

This tape wasn't of a single naughty movie or anything like that. It was a total mishmash of movie clips, music videos, *anything* that pushed my buttons. And I DO mean ANYTHING. There was this night on "Friday Night Videos" that had Judy Tenuta doing her 'Love Goddess' shtick with Emo Philips as her devoted servant as guest hosts that I recorded segments of.

And masturbated to. Yes, I was that pathetic as a horny teenager. :P

Other things of note on the 'Tape Of Shame':

Madonna was, obviously, a HUGE turn on for me. I'd watch her videos over and over, freeze-framing on my favorite parts, daydream of being her slave and, of course, masturbate.

My favorite Madonna video:


Oh my god...those fishnets, those fishnets, I would have given the world to kneel before her legs & feet in those fishnets and heels and worshipped them...

Here's another pathetic confession of the 'Tape Of Shame' that I can't find a still image or a video clip of. There's a scene (a SINGLE scene!) in the horrible movie "Superman IV" where the character of Lacy White tries to seduce Clark Kent by laying on top of her desk in a provocative pose, showing off her beautiful legs and high heels, and having him come into her office to 'discover' her like that. I'm not even sure this scene is 20 seconds long: in any event, it must have impressed me, because I recorded it, watched and rewatched it (paused on the shot of her legs & feet of course) and masturbated to it. :P

There's a scene in the Madonna movie "Who's that Girl" where she's changing clothes to pass herself as the high society fiance of the male lead where there is a CLOSEUP of you-guessed-it her feet in fishnet and heels that's on screen all of maybe 3 seconds.

These are VANILLA movies, folks. But damnit, they were MY porn! :P

Thank GOD for late-night Showtime. How many other children of the 80's out there played the "Let's sneak into the living room late at night and watch naughty movies on cable with the volume turned down" game?

Not that any of them were really BDSM movies or even hinted at it...I enjoyed the "Emmanuelle" movies pretty much as they were, with my own mind adding daydreams and fantasies to make them femdom-ish in my head.

(With one exception--Emmanuelle IV--there's a dream sequence where Emmanuelle is beating her former lover across the face with a little flogger until her bows before her, with the dialogue something like "I want to whip you...beat you...you must know who your Mistress is!" Ohhhhh, melllllts....)

But one late night 80's erotic movie stands above all others to my fevered aches and longings, and that would be "Honey" or "Miele di Donna", sadly not available on DVD anywhere it would seem.

“The young, naive Annie enters a hotel to spend the night - without knowing that it's this special kind of hotel, that serves more than breakfast. Curiously she walks around and watches the maids doing their job. She's especially fascinated of a forbidden room, where a silent, strange guy lives.” --from the IMDb

The 'silent strange guy' scene I came across on YouTube HERE and while, yeah, ok, its hot, there's bondage even, it ISNT the scene that was the most erotic thing in the world to me and remained so until I was 18 and could go to a PROPER adult store and buy Femdom mags.

No, the scene that affected me so deeply, that melted my young kinky mind is the one where Annie is sneaking around this hotel, peeking into all of these rooms, seeing all of the erotic or bizarre things going on in all of these rooms. If I remember right, she had just been to the shower and was wearing nothing but a bathrobe, and she was a bit lost and unable to find her room. She stumbles into the room of a total stranger.

She’s discovered by this dominatrix-type stern woman with a cane, who immediately takes control of her and goes off into this roleplaying thing where the dommish woman is a schoolteacher, and Annie is a misbehaving student who has written a naughty letter and must confess her sins. Annie immediately obeys and begins to just roleplay with it, apologizing to the ‘Mother Superior’, disrobing and falling to her knees at the domme’s feet, who then starts to run her cane along Annie’s body, slowly and sensually, promising to get a ‘full confession’ out of her.

I remember this being the most erotic thing to me in the world at that time…not just the domme in the high heels, but more than that, it was…the ease that the Annie character had in immediately falling into submission to this stranger. I mean, here she is, almost naked, vulnerable, caught sneaking around, and she not only obeys this strange other woman, she buys into the whole fictional roleplay thing 100% without missing a beat, casting off her bathrobe and kneeling oh so beautifully on the floor.

I...wanted to BE her...so bad... So beautiful, so feminine..so wanted and desired that total strangers would want to dominate and possess her, and be so free in her sexuality and her ease in her submission that she could just instantly obey and get into it without any hangups or hesitation...

Even now, with all of these years of real life play and naughtiness behind me I still envy Annie that total freedom and sheer abandon in her slavery.

Making him our BITCH!

Here's a couple of screen shots from our latest video clip..

I've been sitting on this video for ages, nervous about publishing it in case Shy later changed her mind about being in porn. But as she's now started modelling for other sites I feel it's silly to hesitate any longer. So when she's famous, y'all remember you saw here here first, eh? ;-p

Cuckolding: a few thoughts from an outsider

As a fetish goes, cuckolding is one that interests and excites me personally, I must admit. But in a way different than most, if what I see in blogs and on Fetlife is any indication.

Typically in cuckolding stories its all about the dominant wife or GF having sex with another man, and I can see (from the outside) its appeal as far as humiliation, tease and denial, goes. I understand and even share some of these feelings--but 'the act' of cuckolding does not in and of itself 'do it' for me, personally.

For instance, often in cuckolding stories (fiction or otherwise) the wife/GF may just go out with the bull, or exile the submissive husband/BF to his room while the domme and bull have some good 'ol fashion vanilla sex without the sub being involved at all.

While this would produce jealousy in me personally, to some extent, it would also produce...boredom.

No...what truly excites me about cuckolding stories is when the domme and the bull dominate and humiliate the submissive together, especially if feminization is involved. Its exciting to me then--when the submissive is an active and desired participant in the activity, as opposed to exiling the submissive from his own relationship or marriage with the domme, which strikes me as more hurtful.

Its one of the reasons I find the blog "All Mine" so delicious. The sissy submissive husband tammy is very much a part of the proceedings, and the Mistress, the bull, and other playmates all seem to be successfully managing a loving, polygamous lifestyle so well and so HOT than one cannot help but feel a bit envious of their adventures.

Not that my own life isn't without its adventures either! ;) But I do sometimes feel like we hit a number of speedbumps along the way.

(For those of you reading this who do not follow our blog Slavegirl Sissy just know I am an owned, collared slave to my Mistress Lady Erisiana Cherie, who is married to a lovely man (Father Izzy). He is not my 'Master' but has topped me a little, from time to time.)

Anyway...back to cuckolding: as you can see, in my case, it doesn't really apply or fit my own relationship status at all. But the appeal of it lies more in a forced bi interest, to me. The total surrender of oneself to one's Mistress up to and including one's own sexuality and sense of identity...to be owned and used as a slave, period, objectified and effectively genderless to be used by a Mistress or a Master equally....this is what excites me.

That delicious feeling of being OWNED, body and soul, as helpless as a fly in the web of a beautiful Spider Queen...*smiles softly*.

Makes me just want to sink deep into submission and never come back up again...would that I could!

Smart ass penalties, revisited

I've spoken of our system of smart-ass penalties before. I really love making videos of these 'discipline' sessions. For one thing it's a type of scene that just begs for an audience. And I guess I enjoy watching these videos an awful lot. They're among the ones I keep coming back to anyway. *grin*

We made this one months ago, but I never got around to sharing these little samples from it..at least, I don't think I have. If I have done then I hope y'all won't mind seeing them again, lol! Personally I very much enjoyed watching myself bounce on poor tia's head & grind on his face as I revisited this one today..

We haven't had a smart-ass penalty session in a while. And you know what? Even if tia's not past due for it (and I think he is, oh yes I do) I know damn sure *I* am!

Tia's first time in chastity

I locked his first chastity device onto my slave Tia the other week. Perhaps surprisingly, this was also my first time using a chastity device.

Unsurprisingly there were lots of details that weren’t mentioned in any of the ‘advice for newbies’ resources I studied beforehand.

I have learned, for instance, that once locked on the device clanks when he walks. Which could provide for some interesting humiliation opportunities in the future. (And another helpful soul has already recommended rubber bands for when the clanking is unwanted.)

I’ve also learned that, as with SO many things, it wasn’t possible to do it all at once. It took three days of trying at various times and in the end we just barely got it on with the assistance of ice water, gobs of lube, AND him having had an orgasm directly beforehand. Apparently the caging is such a turn-on for my sissy slut that his normally petite organ simply won’t stop swelling up and interfering with the process. And after all that awkward fumbling he only had it on for about half an hour before he got a nasty pinch on his scrotum from a bit of skin getting stuck between two pieces of the cage. :p

I expect we’ll get better at getting the dang thing on with practice. But I also expect it’ll continue to be tricky. Tia’s scrotum is exceptionally small, his balls held very close to his body, and I think the standard cock-cage design may always be an issue. Unless, of course, we undertake a program of ball-stretching; an activity I never had an interest in before this morning, and which is now right at the top of my to-do list. *wickedgrin*

Humiliation - why's & wherefores

Recently--before a overzealous Fetlife forum nazi closed it down an actual interesting conversation was starting about why humiliation is such a turn on for some submissives.

I'm only speaking for myself here--other submissives may feel the same way, or they may be wired completely different. I'm not into pain--given the choice between getting a severe flogging and curling up on a comfy couch and eating BBQ, BBQ and comfy couch win 10 times out of 10.

I don't seek pain out. It hurts. :P Its the body's way of saying "STOP DOING THAT!".

It has a tendency to turn me personally into Jerry Lewis. "LA-DY! Enough with the ouchy hitty thing!"

But it IS part of the job description, I feel, of being a submissive or a slave. If the Dominant chooses to administer pain for punishment, or for the Dominant's own enjoyment all is well and good. I can't seem to be able to talk Mistress into a 'BBQ and comfy couch' punishment for some odd reason. ;D

Humiliation....well, oddly enough...I don't seek it out either...its NOT the act that Mistress is doing that is putting me into subspace. For example, not too long ago she administered an enema to me. In the hallway. In our house with thin walls with my roommate in the next room over who could probably hear everything.

And Mistress being Mistress, she puts it ON CAMERA. :P

Its NOT the act itself that trips my triggers. I didn't want it, I don't even have an enema fetish at all. What put me into subspace and wrapped me all the tighter around Mistress's little finger was knowing deep down in my heart that I had no choice in the matter at all. That no matter how embarrassed I was or unwilling, it was going to happen anyway. That delicious feeling of being so helpless, so deep in Her power that there was no choice but to obey....oh my...that is what makes me squirm in ecstasy, that giving of myself to her.

It reinforces her ownership of me...and its so beautiful...

softsmile

Anyway...that's what I as a submissive get out of it, for those looking for perspective..

Sissy cummies

Playtime in a 24/7 relationship is a little different from that engaged in by folks whose D/s relationships are part-time. While we do sometimes have full-on scenes where everybody is dressed to impress and the Official Kinky Toys get used, more often I will integrate little mini-scenes into our everyday lives. And last night was one of them.

We were sitting together in the living room. Tia had just finished a video game and I was catching up on some emails and texting with my husband. And I was taken by a whim to let my slutty slavegirl have a little fun...but in a sissy-appropriate way, of course!

So I told him to go fetch a pouf and some lipgloss, and to put on something pretty for me. He left the room obediently, casting me a beseeching look as he walked away, and returned a few minutes later wearing an ivory satin slip (decorated with a tiny pink rosebud!) and carrying the cushion and gloss.

I was sitting with my feet propped up on a small ottoman; I directed him to put the cushion down and kneel before me. When he was on his knees I gestured for him to lean forward so I could apply the berry-flavored gloss. This little act of feminization had him shuddering and closing his eyes, awash in a sea of submissive desire. I could feel the proof of his desire in the growing stiffness in his panties, pressing against my prettily painted toes. This was exactly what I'd intended and I began to caress his sissy cockette with my bare feet.

I teased him while I rubbed, taunting him with his response to me: "horny little slut, look at you...Mistress barely touches you and you're all hard and making a mess in your pretty panties. But you just can't help yourself, can you? You're just a horny little sissy slave who wants to be used all the time, aren't you? You'd like to spend every minute sucking cock and getting fucked, wouldn't you my little slut?"

The nylon fabric of the chemise was pleasurably slippery, sliding easily over his pink satin panties. But I wanted to feel SKIN. So I tucked it up and out of the way, and pulled his panties down in front to expose his dicklet. I grabbed a tub of lotion and smeared a dollop on the soles of my feet.

"Well slut, you're in luck...Mistress is going to let you cum today. But you're gonna do it like a sissy should...rubbing your little cockette worshipfully against my feet until you shoot your sissy cream all over them. And then you will lick them clean, and swallow every drop. Because a cocksucking sissy slave like you has to learn to eat cum too, doesn't she?"

I guided him in sliding his sensitive flesh between the soles of my feet, and pressed them together harder, toying with MY property. I could feel him throbbing and he thrust against me, moaning.

"You can cum tonight, my little sissy, but ONLY if you can manage to do it like this, humping Mistress' feet while she chats with someone else on her laptop. And you better make it quick too slut, or I might get bored and order you to stop. Because the ONLY reason you're allowed this pleasure is for my amusement, isn't that right whore? You're my property now and EVERYTHING about you belongs to me, including your orgasms."

"This is what your life will be like from now on my pretty little fucktoy. There'll be no NORMAL sex for you ever again. In fact, you'll be lucky if I don't lock that little cockette up in a chastity cage, where you can't even touch it. From now on sex for you means getting fucked or sucking dick, or sometimes...if you're lucky...being allowed to cum, like this, for your Mistress' amusement."

And he did.

It was wicked cool, feeling him pulsing against my soles as he shot his load. And he's soooo sensitive after cumming; I'm sure it was a special sort of torture to have me squashing it between my feet at just that moment. **evilgrin**

There was quite a lot of it too, and he grimaced hugely while doing the job. But my slut obediently licked every last drop of sissy spunk off my feet and ankles.

And then we went right back to what we were doing, hehehe!

Having My Way

I just finished having my way with tia, and I don't want to write the whole thing out properly because that would be too much like work. But oh, it was hot...porn movie hot, and there are some details that I just don't want to forget...

I started off today by dressing him in cuffs, collar, and a pretty pink satin nightie that he looks absolutely adorable in. The way the skirt of it flirts with the top of his thighs in the back, coyly hinting at showing his cute pantied ass, I just adore. I teased him a bit about how excited he was getting by it; his little cockette soo hard, drooling a big wet spot all over his nightie. One shoulder strap fell down and he looked like such a disheveled slut I tugged it further to expose his nipple. And then sucked and bit his nipple. And then put a clothespin on it. And then the picture was perfect.

I affixed the leash to his collar and led him to the playroom, grabbing his everyday boy belt along the way. Once there I chained him to the wall, pulled his panties down to his ankles, and beat him with his own belt. His ass & back got so red, so fiery hot! I beat him and beat him and beat him, teasing him about how badly he wanted it, how his cock stayed hard, how eagerly he licked his own pre-cum off my fingers and sucked on them when I held them to his face. Beat him and beat him then left him there, red-assed, chained to the wall, cockette twitching and drooling, and sat down on the couch behind him and jilled off. It was a fantastic orgasm.

I let him down after I was finished, let him go take a shower, then we went shopping. I ordered him to wear his collar while we were out but graciously allowed it to be wrapped around his wrist instead of his neck. While we shopped I continued to bring his attention to it; tugging at it, tightening it and using it to lead him around. His responding whimpers let me know that he was VERY aware of its presence and meaning.

We made several stops including at Home Depot, where I bought some lengths of chain. (When the lady asked me what it was for I replied "home decor" without missing a beat...or giggling!) Later, back at home, I had him go put the nightie on again and bring me the cuffs and chains. I arranged the chains so that his hands and feet were all fastened together, and all attached to a longer length of chain that ran from his collar to his knees.

After I got him chained up I made him walk around a bit. I LOVED the sound of all that chain clinking, it made me amazingly horny! So I grabbed the chain and pulled him toward me; he melted into my ravishing kiss.

I told him to go tweet, tell the world he was at that moment a chained sissy, and that I would join him soon. Then I fetched a black leather strap and pair of scissors. Back in the bedroom I pushed him onto the bed and climbed on top of him. I sat on his groin, feeling his cockette throbbing beneath me, as I beat his chest & nipples with the strap and continued playing with the chains. When I was good and ready I crawled down and used the scissors to cut a big hole in his panties, releasing that stiff cockette. Then I put a condom on him and climbed on.

I kept beating him while I rode him to another fine orgasm. Then I rode him some more, until I could tell he was about to cum, and ordered him to beg me for his release. He said "please, please my Goddess" with such sincerity. I could tell he was powerfully transported; he doesn't usually address me as "Goddess".

My response? I promptly climbed off his groin and moved to sit on his face instead, mwahahahahaha!

I rode his worshipful tongue to another nice orgasm, then stood on the bed. Looming over him, I asked him if he felt owned, if he felt used? If he felt like a slave, like PROPERTY? He answered "yes Mistress", and I said GOOD, because he WAS. MY property.

Then I climbed back down and sat on his cockette agin. Telling him all the while how he belonged to me, how his panties belonged to me (he was so distressed at me cutting them!), how his every perverted thought belonged to me, how every longing of his dark heart belonged to me, how the orgasm he was about to have belonged to me and how I wanted him to have it right NOW.

And he did. (And I did again too.) And it was very, very good. ;-)

Tia's sissy curriculum

I thought some of you might be interested in hearing details of tia's current sissy training protocol. Bear in mind that this is an evolving thing!

Currently tia is "studying" two subjects: Cooking 103 and Essentials of Feminine Style.

For the first subject, Cooking 103, she is focusing on salads. Mistress is trying to eat better, and tia has been charged with helping in that by keeping her supplied with gourmet salads. She is to make a large salad (enough to feed Mistress' entire family) every couple of days. She has to shop for fresh ingredients and research new recipes so Mistress doesn't get bored. Sometimes Mistress wishes a specific sort of salad and tia has to satisfy her request.

Tia is graded on each salad, and will receive a report card at the end of the term. Mistress is generous and does not mark off if the dish is less than tasty, but tia is expected to show decided improvement in her cooking skills each term OR ELSE.

(And yes, there was a Cooking 101 and 102!)

The second subject covers everything a girl needs to know to be ~girly~ , from how to pluck her eyebrows & paint her nails to choosing clothes that are flattering.

She's graded on individual assignments as with the salads but her assignments are much more varied. And while the fetish appeal is obvious, these assignments also have the ulterior purpose of training her to be more useful to me as a lady's maid. For instance, her past few assignments have been to choose, from my crossdressing closet, outfits that meet a particular set of requirements.

This not only saves me time and effort as her Mistress (a self-dressing sissy is a labor saving device!); it acquaints her with the contents of my closet and with unfamiliar fashion terminology at the same time. So that sometime down the road I will be able to say "slut, go fetch me my pink silk chemise with the frogs on the sides, and some stockings to go with it" and she will know what the hell I am talking about, and be able to obey without fuss!

There are other expectations tia is also expected to meet - like keeping her house/my studio clean, and writing worshipful emails to me - but she's not graded on them the way she is on her "sissy academics". Her punishments for not performing well in these areas can be much more intense and personal.

As I said this system is still evolving. Its present form is basically a response to two things. First, tia came into my service completely clueless about things like cooking, cleaning, and fashion. So it's pretty important to me to teach her what she needs to learn to be really USEFUL to me.

But my current method has also evolved in response to conflicts tia and I have had over these things. I need to feel that she's making sincere efforts to improve in these skills. And she needs to feel like her efforts are being noticed & appreciated, that she's getting credit for the work she does. Having clearly defined & graded courses of study works for both of us.

And it has some value in inspiring naughty Headmistress/student fantasies too. ;D

Under Her Thumb

I've described my enslavement to Mistress as being "far down the rabbit hole".  I'm not sure how deep this goes.  The more we are together, the more I feel her wrap me in chains of love and submission that grow ever tighter, much to my delight.

Let me illustrate this by telling you about a weekend not too long ago...

First off I guess I should get into the current 'ground rules'.  I am currently being punished by being kept in total chastity, with no release at all for my poor aching cockette (Mistress's word for my you-know-what).  This is because I was a bad girl, on purpose, and skipped wearing panties underneath my clothes. I had, to me, good reason. I wasn't trying to be naughty or to blow off Mistress--I was doing very physical labor at work that week, wearing shorts that keep falling off my body since I've started dieting. :P

Anyway...Mistress discovered this, and punished me accordingly--no release for three weeks!

So that's how our weekend started...being teased, touched, groped and fondled by both Mistress and her husband (alias Sir, alias Fr Izzy).  He in particular has been getting more and more into toying with me for his own pleasure, it seems--not just to amuse Mistress.

So we went out to dinner at Alt Pathway--its this alternative lifestyle restaurant that was over in Tampa (sadly its no longer there! *sniff*), where we had good food, watched a drag show, and I got more than a little bit tipsy. :)  Anyone following us on twitter (I am @slavetia and Mistress is @ladyerisiana on there)--we were kind of tweeting live as the night went on what was happening--must have been rather amused. :D

Mistress had me pull down my shorts at one point and show the waitress there my panties. *blush*

Then we return home and adjourn to the playroom. I strip down to my panties, put on high heels, and stand there, very vulnerable, as Sir strokes me through the panties.  He rubs my legs, thighs, tweaks a nipple, kisses my neck.  All the while Mistress is watching, tweeting, enjoying the little show. Bear in mind the ground rule I'm under--there's no possible hope of release, and it makes all the much worse!

Eventually I'm told to get down on my knees in front of Sir and beg to suck his cock, to say I'm a sissy cocksucker, how much I love it.  *moans softly* It never fails to humiliate, and Sir's cock is an impressive looking thick beast of a thing!  I service him for a while...feeling myself get lost in the submission to them both...I am such a lucky slave..

After a while Sir takes a break to have a smoke.  Mistress puts on some music, and commands me to dance for them.  *blush*  I try my best; I'm not exactly a graceful person. I touch myself all over, grind my ass, shake my hips, all the while Mistress and Sir are making admiring comments, making me blush even more.  I felt oh so sexual, so feminine--those feelings are growing stronger the longer I am their slave.

The song ends and Mistress comes over to play with me more directly...touching me, stroking me, making me ache so much...I fall to my knees and start kissing her feet. Just overcome with my feelings of aching need, of submission. This is my proper place.  I want to stay here at this Woman's feet the rest of my life if she'll have me.  I am owned, every inch of me is now her property.

I'm down there on my knees when I feel her flogger start to go up and down my back...I keep kissing.  The flogger dances over my body, growing in intensity.  Thuding here...stinging there...  Eventually it becomes pain enough to yelp a bit, but I keep kissing. 

Mistress attaches a leash to my collar and leads me crawling across the room on all fours in front of Sir to suck his cock some more...oh my... 

She then starts to rub herself against my ass, rubbing my body.  I'm sandwiched between them both, I know what's coming, and I'm oh so turned on...and humiliated...and feeling so much like just a sextoy or object there to be used by them both.  I feel Mistress lube me up and enter me with what's become my favorite strapon dildo.  Now I'm being fucked at both ends, utterly used.  But they're not really fucking me. Not really. I'm just a sextoy at this point, being used by one to pleasure and stimulate the other.  Mistress thrusts deep inside and slaps my ass, driving my mouth foward to take Sir's cock deeper down my throat, Sir thrusts back harder to force my ass back to rub against Mistress's hips.  I melt into a pool of submission, falling into the rhythm of being used.

It goes on a while...then they stop, pull out.  I feel the loss and moan helplessly. 

But then they trade places...oh god...

Sir is a lot larger than the dildo. I haven't gotten used to this yet.  This was only my 2nd time being taken by him.  It hurts...it hurts a lot.  I start to wonder if I should safeword but I hold back and just take it.  Mistress is holding me down, feeling me whimper and cry into her crotch. Sir is holding my hips, taking me as gently as he can.  He's not trying to hurt me after all, so I cry and take it and...deep down, under the pain, in my head and heart I am glad that I am being used for their pleasure.

I am under her thumb.  Forever, I hope.

The Silken Trap

Years ago I created and developed a website, "The Silken Trap".

I created it because at the time there didn't seem to be any good forced feminization sites out there (in the wild-and-wooly days of the internet in the 1990s!) and I just wanted the kind of site that *I* might like.  I've been kinky nearly all my life, and this particular fetish got into my subconscious at a pretty young age.

Forced feminization was, to me, a form of bondage both mental and physical. In my mind the equation was this: if a Woman went to all of that trouble to enslave me, to feminize me, to wrap silken bonds around me and keep me her prisoner then she must really want me, and that feeling of being kept and desired and secure was the most delicious feeling in the world.

At the time I ran the site, I did not have a Mistress. Like many frustrated submissives out there.

Over and over I would have dates with Dominant women that didn't lead anywhere, or try to develop relationships online with Dommes across the country; a never-ending and emotionally exhausting search for 'The One'.

A journey that I know so many of you are on...

After many a lonely year on that journey I gave up for a while. Resigned myself that these needs and desires would stay just fantasies forever and I should just accept it.

And then...the unexpected. She came into my life.  The 'One'.

Mistress Erisiana Cherie.

My owner. My dream come to life.

She came into my life and turned it upside down. I am now her slave, 24/7, and in the past two years I have been taken on the most wonderful, magical journey. Limits have been pushed. Self discoveries have been made.

And some of the hottest, kinkiest experiences of my life have been had.

And its not over yet, not by a long shot!  The scary thing (to me) is that Mistress is taking our relationship, our journey together, more and more public as time goes on.  You've already seen this blog that goes into our lives together as Mistress and slave.  Mistress is now adding to that public humiliation and exposure by completely taking my old forced feminization site--the one where I used to post pictures of OTHER people--and turning it into a video record of my slavery to Her.

*groans*  Sounds like a forced fem fantasy story, doesn't it?

Except to me it's oh too real....

 

The Silken Trap

How We Met

Neither of us actually remembers for sure who wrote the other first on Alt Com. I think it was probably me, trying to promote my Suncoast Shemale Salon group.

I do remember telling tia that I was married, and emphatically NOT looking for a sissy slave. (In fact I was seeking a humiliation/pain slut.) But he made me laugh by responding with this bit of smart assery, and I quote: "Are you sure Mistress? I come with a set of Ginsu knives and a Sham-wow."

Now who could resist an offer like that? *grin*

It was enough to make me give him my email address, and the conversation which continued over the next few weeks was equally entertaining. Then there was this party.

I'd been going around by myself and (more often) with my sister Mistress Candice and her girl emma for months, sampling as many different munches and play parties as I could manage. During this time I got to see Candice and emma's Mistress/slave relationship blossoming. And of course I got to see (and sometimes participate in) numerous examples of their incredibly hot play.

I was, frankly, envious.

I'd been seeking my own personal subbie in an on-again-off-again way. (Being already married with children tends to put a damper on one's dating life.) I'd had a few brief D/s relationships that didn't work out. And I was sick and tired of going to parties & clubs, maybe giving some random stranger a spanking, and always envying my friends the beautiful thing they had. So when I committed to going to yet another play party that December I decided that at least this time I was, by god, going to bring a date.

I was pursuing maybe-things with several guys I'd met at the time. And tia was NOT at the top of my list. But I figured he was a safe choice; we were already becoming friends and I felt confident that I'd at least be comfortable with him even if there was no spark. The party was in Orlando you see, a 2 hour drive away, and that meant it'd be a looooong, painful evening if my date turned out to be a schmuck.

The party was two days after Christmas. And no way was I going to drive to Orlando with someone I'd never yet met in person, so we arranged the obligatory meeting-in-a-public-place on December 26th. (Lunch at a local diner.) Lunch was pleasant, I found tia sorta cute, very awkward, and utterly unthreatening, so the party date was on.

Our time AT the party was, for me, not very memorable. I dressed him and we played a little; it was probably much more exciting for him than it was for me. The thing I recall best was being dissatisfied with any of the skirts he owned at the time and deciding to make him something myself out of the collection of scarves that constitute my "bondage kit".

It's the drive that sticks in my head. It was during those hours in the car that I realized how VERY comfortable I felt with tia. How much we had in common that had nothing to do with kink. How I felt like I could be completely myself with him, in all my neurotic complexity.

It made me want to spend more time with him. A LOT more time. And it was just about six weeks later that I put my collar on him.

We're going on over two years now, which I understand is rather a long time for a 24/7 Mistress/slave relationship to last. It has not been easy, not at all. But it's sure been interesting. And I look forward to many more interesting years to come.

I love you puppy.

p.s. Tia made good on the Sham-wow and the Ginsu knives too! But that's a story for another time.