It don't matter if you're black or white

I have to admit to a little twinge of white liberal angst at seeing all of the 'sissy white cuckold to Dominant Black Male' fantasy stuff on tumblr, and the net.

Is it because the sissy who is fantasizing this scenario has a bit of a racist streak, and the black man in the fantasy is playing to the humiliation fetish? Kind of a reverse-racism?

Of course, with my own fetish interest in feminization I am perfectly aware that I myself can be accused of being misogynistic--that I see that the wearing of women's clothes as demeaning.

I don't, incidentally. Embarrassing yes, demeaning no. For me and my own fetish makeup its about being beautiful...feminization as a means of worship and enslavement. My hangups are more based in insecurity rather than sexism...I've examined the insides of my own head at some length.

So, I admit I live in a glass house as well. I'm not going to throw stones at anyone else's fetish: perhaps the explanation for it is something other than racism and I just don't understand.

The above illustration would be hot to me regardless of the colors involved. Forced bi at the hands of a Dominant Woman is a major hot button for me, guaranteed to cause much erotic squirming every time. And yes, I'm sure that can be picked apart by politically minded activist types into something far more negative than it actually is: such people like to argue for arguing's sake and appear to have too much free time on their hands to pontificate about them endlessly.

I often wonder about people who spend so much time and energy arguing over porn, of all things. With all that is wrong in the world, the cause that makes them so passionate is PORN?? Their lives must be blissfully free of problems for such a trivial thing to be the big motivator in their life.

I've actually had the good fortune to have been playmates once with a lovely black girl (I miss you Shy!) and race was never a part of it. We'd joke and giggle about it a bit, but it was never part of our play at all. She was a hot young girl who enjoyed teasing and tormenting me with my Mistress: I was just a toy, and friend.

And to me that's as it should be.

Happy Birthdayversary! (prelude)

First I guess I need to give y'all a little bit of backstory. Tia's birthday is on February 6th. And the first year we were together I put my collar on him on Feb. 4th. I meant it to be a birthday gift that year but he was traveling out of town that weekend for his brother's wedding. I didn't seriously think he was liable to meet some other dom and slip out of my clutches while he was away, but I wanted to mark him as MINE before I let him go anyway. So what with it being his birthday...and one of our anniversaries...and with Valentine's Day so close...well, it does tend to turn out to be a major event on our holiday calendar.

This year's a little different. We're even broker than usual; so broke that tia's having to move to a more economical place to live. We won't have our playroom anymore and truthfully the place he's moving to is kind of a dump. I know, because I'm the landlord. :p

(The reasons why Izzy & I happen to be in possession of a crappy old mobile home which will henceforth be referred to as Sandpit Manor are another story.)

Anyway, I wanted to do something REALLY special for this year's birthdayversary celebration. And I also wanted to somehow inject some joy into this move. There was this scheme I'd had in the back of my mind for a long, long time, and as soon as I knew for sure that he was moving into Sandpit Manor it occurred to me that NOW was the time for it. The following was written the evening of February 4th, 2012, as I prepared to put my long-anticipated plot into action...

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Tonight’s the night.

I can’t remember when I first conceived this idea. I’ve certainly been holding it in the back of my mind for a long, long time. Waiting for the right moment. And this is SO the right moment.

You will surely want me to write about this weekend after it’s done*. (Assuming it all goes well of course. Which is something I’m not at all certain about.) And I will try to, I must try to. But I also thought it would be nice to record some of my thoughts beforehand. I’m bursting with excitement, walking around the house cackling and grinning to myself, and worse, I can’t talk to anybody about it. I can’t say anything in front of the kids…can’t tweet or post or you’ll see…my sense of decorum prohibits me divulging the juicy details to anyone but Izzy…and my sense of emo-avoidance prohibits me from going on and on about it to Izzy.

But omg this is…I guess this is a dream come true for me. I think (fear?) that I may enjoy it more than you do. I so want it to be incredible for you, leave you feeling swept away, captured, caged in a box where all the walls have my evil smile. And used, gloriously, hedonistically, in every possible way and then some used. I want this weekend to be so incredible that you will actually feel nostalgic about the graffiti’d walls and rotting paneling when they go.

I want your first experience in your new home to be once in a lifetime. In a good way.

I can’t remember when the idea first came to me. But I knew as soon as we committed to this move that NOW was the time. Now was the time for so many reasons: it’s dead cheap, which is a necessity for us right now. Sandpit Manor is in crappy shape, literally looking like a crackhouse – kind of perfect for the scene. And like I said, I desperately want to give you a good first impression.

(I know we’re working with a specialized definition of a good first impression here.)

And to make it all even better, it’s something I’m really really excited about doing. So excited that I suspect thinking about it has brought on my current ‘horny spell’! It’s like…it’s like this is the closest I’ve ever come to capturing the feelings aroused by my masturbatory fantasies. Like this is the closest I’ve ever come to having that kind of control. I don’t know if these are the right words; these feelings seem so fresh and new, I can’t really articulate what’s inside. (And ok, it doesn’t help that I’m trying to write this with major kiddus interruptus happening.)

I’ve been plotting with Izzy almost since it occurred to me that now was the time. And I’ve been scampering around like a madwoman today making my preparations. You, who are forever wishing that I was more Machiavellian, would be (will be!) delighted I think. I thought a lot about how best to bind you: quickly, but it needs to be something that feels serious. I hope the vet wrap does the trick. And it was a nice bonus that we already had some in the toy chest.

I consulted Izzy about using a weapon during the grab. He strongly advised me against using a real gun, even unloaded, just in case the authorities get involved inadvertently. And he didn’t want me borrowing any of his pretty bladed things; a sentiment I can’t disagree with knowing my own physical limitations. The thought of accidentally harming you is more than enough to make me forgo anything with a truly sharp edge. But I did buy a toy knife, and a toy gun. I don’t know which of them will have a more convincing feel but I’ve been having real interesting thoughts about both in the context of penetration play. *grin*

I also spent an hour today picking out different outfits to dress my pretty slave in. I only chose one “dominatrix” ensemble for myself. I want my chance to play dress-up too but I don’t want to spend the whole weekend that way! I will go for Mistressly comfort and delight in making you wear uncomfortably sexy things for me. I don’t intend to tell you this until the last possible minute but I packed some boy clothes for you too; I don’t really mean to make you go outside dressed in the extremely slutty garb I’ve selected for you to wear. And I packed some comic books for you, and a pack of your allergy medicine.

I also made a trip to the liquor store and got, among other things, a 6-pack of Killian’s Red. I think one of my most brilliant notions was the idea of feeding you bbq and beer…in a dog dish. *wickedgrin*

I guess I don’t need to note every single detail of my plans. You’ll be discovering them all in the flesh beginning in just a few hours. I just wanted to say a little bit about my scheming, and how much fun I’ve been having in the doing of it

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* And I was right. Tia started pestering me to write an account of the experience as soon as I let him up for air. :p

Stay tuned for all the juicy details!

The Silken Trap

Years ago I created and developed a website, "The Silken Trap".

I created it because at the time there didn't seem to be any good forced feminization sites out there (in the wild-and-wooly days of the internet in the 1990s!) and I just wanted the kind of site that *I* might like.  I've been kinky nearly all my life, and this particular fetish got into my subconscious at a pretty young age.

Forced feminization was, to me, a form of bondage both mental and physical. In my mind the equation was this: if a Woman went to all of that trouble to enslave me, to feminize me, to wrap silken bonds around me and keep me her prisoner then she must really want me, and that feeling of being kept and desired and secure was the most delicious feeling in the world.

At the time I ran the site, I did not have a Mistress. Like many frustrated submissives out there.

Over and over I would have dates with Dominant women that didn't lead anywhere, or try to develop relationships online with Dommes across the country; a never-ending and emotionally exhausting search for 'The One'.

A journey that I know so many of you are on...

After many a lonely year on that journey I gave up for a while. Resigned myself that these needs and desires would stay just fantasies forever and I should just accept it.

And then...the unexpected. She came into my life.  The 'One'.

Mistress Erisiana Cherie.

My owner. My dream come to life.

She came into my life and turned it upside down. I am now her slave, 24/7, and in the past two years I have been taken on the most wonderful, magical journey. Limits have been pushed. Self discoveries have been made.

And some of the hottest, kinkiest experiences of my life have been had.

And its not over yet, not by a long shot!  The scary thing (to me) is that Mistress is taking our relationship, our journey together, more and more public as time goes on.  You've already seen this blog that goes into our lives together as Mistress and slave.  Mistress is now adding to that public humiliation and exposure by completely taking my old forced feminization site--the one where I used to post pictures of OTHER people--and turning it into a video record of my slavery to Her.

*groans*  Sounds like a forced fem fantasy story, doesn't it?

Except to me it's oh too real....

 

The Silken Trap