Turning a Corner

We quarreled again. And again, and again. And then he gave me a present. It was a porn movie. It occurs to me now that perhaps most women would not go all melty upon being given a porn movie, especially as a making-up-after-fighting gift. But for me, it was PERFECT.

We'd shot some video one night that had been screwed up because I forgot to turn the microphone on. He took that footage and turned it into a hilarious silent movie, complete with old-timey film effects and music. When he showed it to me I laughed my ass off the whole way through. Which I think was all he really cared about, making me laugh, but the gift was so much more too. And the more I thought about it the more perfect it was.

There are so many layers to it. On the most obvious level it reminded me of everything good about our relationship. All the laughter and silliness we've shared, the oh-so-delicious sexy play times, the way we've worked as a team. It told me like nothing else could that he wants to be my slave, that he wants just as badly as I do to get back to our "normal" life of perversion and pornmaking.

On an even deeper level it spoke to my Mistressly pride, which has been rather bruised lately. I know how many hours he spent working on it, and knowing how much actual work he would put into this gesture tells me that I can still count on him, even when it takes real effort. Beyond that he had to learn a new skill (video editing) to do it. Which tells me he's still willing to push past his boundaries, get out of his comfort zone and learn new things for me. These things are vital for the health of our Mistress/slave dynamic. I love him...adore him...and would want to be his friend and lover whether he were my 'slave' or not. But if we are to call this slavery then it has to mean something. I have to feel that he IS going to do his best to obey me, to give me what I want, no matter what I ask for. This demonstration that he's willing to work hard & learn new skills is exactly the proof my wounded heart was longing for.

There are other facets to it as well. I'll be able to use the video as the required monthly update on my clips4sale sites, so it spares me the work and worry of coming up with something myself. In this regard it's a seriously useful gift. I'll have a happy glow all month thinking of how I don't have to do that work thanks to him. And I have loved seeing his delight in not only learning something new, but in feeling like he's good at it. These past months of near-unemployment, being utterly broke and feeling unable to even help with the DIY work, have taken a toll on my pet's self-esteem. It makes my heart sing to see him sparked with gleeful optimism for a change.

I could probably go on all day about how many ways this porn-present delights me. But I have to get back to work; the long haul of turning sandpit manor into a lovely little home(cage) for my pet is not finished and the deadline is looming. But I think we've turned a corner now and for the first time in weeks I am looking toward the end with a heart full of hope instead of despair.

Welcome to Sandpit Manor

My life's taken a radical turn lately, away from domming and mom-ing and into previously uncharted realms of home repair and d.i.y. work. A combination of factors (but mainly us being at the lower end of the 99%) have made it necessary for Tia to move. We've been renting a house together for the past three years, with him living in the main part while I use a converted garage & Florida room as my 'studio'. I'd been doing my pro dom sessions and crossdresser makeovers there, and we shoot our amateur femdom porn all over the house. The plan now is for him to move from this place into a smaller, more affordable one. It's guaranteed to be more affordable because the place he's moving into is a mobile home owned by my husband Izzy.

This seemed like a good idea at the time.


Calling this place a mobile home is really giving it pretensions of grandeur; a trailer is what it is and Izzy and I had affectionately dubbed it 'Sandpit Manor' when we lived there back in the days before children. The moniker became even more apt after we moved out and the place was occupied by my brother. My 20-something pothead slacker brother. And many of his {ahem} artistic friends.

They had some very interesting notions of decor. There were tiny shelves made of scrap lumber scattered randomly all over the place. Every available surface was covered with graffiti. And what repairs were made...well, let's just say duct tape figured heavily in my brother's toolbox. They left the place quite full of junk too: furniture, clothes, a closet full of hundreds of old laserdisks. Some of the more interesting items included 2 bongs, a sack of pipe pieces, a digital postal scale, a deck of naked lady playing cards, and a whole pack of cream cheese under a mattress.

That one really threw me a swerve. Given the lifestyle of the house's inhabitants finding food outside the kitchen was to be expected. And cream cheese in the bedroom? It is a standard breakfast condiment; perhaps someone enjoyed having breakfast in bed. It's also not so far from whipped cream or chocolate sauce; I could even imagine a substitution being made in a moment of intoxicated lust. But what on earth made it seem like a good idea to hide it under the mattress?



I've decided to leave the bowling balls whimsically perched in the trees outside. But between the damage done by its former inhabitants and the normal ravages of age the rest of sandpit manor requires some major repair work. So far we've gutted the bathroom, including tearing out the floor & rebuilding it from the joists up, ripped out several other walls and most of the ceiling, and repaired or replaced every single window crank & light fixture in the place. Well, I say 'we' but the fact is I'm doing 70% of the work myself. Izzy is unavailable to help most days and Tia? While not exactly hopeless in the d.i.y department, he started off not being entirely sure of the difference between a flat and phillips head screwdriver. There's been a real steep learning curve to deal with there.

On the one hand I have become a veritable d.i.y. goddess. I pwned those windows and after rebuilding that rotted floor I feel like there isn't much I couldn't accomplish with the right power tools. For the most part I enjoy this sort of work. And it's a HUGE relief to take a break from all the (draining for me) socializing that goes with my job(s) in the sex industry.

On the other hand, what seemed like a good idea at the time may turn out to be a disaster for my relationship with Tia.

In my fantasies he's prancing around in some super cute booty shorts, striped thigh-high socks and a pink tool belt, happily spackling and fetching things and admiring my prowess with power tools. And I stride around competently getting shit done while taking frequent breaks to sexually harass my underling. In reality things are dirty and sweaty and difficult, with more fumbling and cursing than cheerful competence on my part. The work is physically hard, it's tiring, and thanks to my stupid fibromyalgia it fucking hurts. A lot of the time I don't feel much like a goddess.

Tia's issues don't help. He feels inept and clumsy, and the sheer ickiness of the work offends his fastidiousness mightily. He's depressed about moving at all and the prospect of moving into a run-down trailer with all kinds of repair issues doesn't ameliorate that one bit. He's scared and unhappy and wants to avoid the place...and I'm angry and resentful that he doesn't appreciate it (and me) more...and he's angry that I don't appreciate him more...and the whole thing has turned into a vicious cycle of angst that bubbles up every few days into arguments that seem like they're inevitably going to tear us apart.

It's my birthday today. Because there's still a ton of work to do, and because I'm obsessive about it, and because we have to be so careful with our money I will be spending the day working at sandpit manor. For the moment things are peaceful, loving and happy between me and my pet. But there are weeks and weeks of work to be got through still and I'm scared. It all seems so silly when I write it out like this; why should our love not be able to withstand these petty insecurities? But when the temper takes over and the poisonous arrows of hurt accusation start to fly it's hard to see how any affection could survive.

I just pray that what seemed like a good idea at the time doesn't turn out to be my worst birthday ever.

Mistress of Montages

We shot the footage that became our “Sissy Bitch Spanked and Fucked!” video on the night that tia did his own makeup for the first time. Although I’d filmed the makeup-putting-on part of the evening I delayed publishing that bit (Sissy Puts On Her Face) until now because it took a LOT of editing. I spent half a day working on a clip that turned out to be about nine minutes.

“What is it that has to be done that takes so long?” people wonder. Let me try to explain..say I have shot some film of me buggering tia. What that will have involved is me setting up the lights & camera to film from one position, fucking him for a few minutes, then stopping to move the camera to another position. Repeatedly. I like to get multiple angles in and since we don’t generally have the services of a cameraman this is the only way to do it.

After the footage is shot what I’ll have is a collection of bits filmed from different angles, that have to be trimmed down (you don’t need to see me walking back and forth to the camera) and stitched together to form one continuous, and continuously exciting, scene. I put in things like crossfades, or fade-to-blacks, and each and every one of these has to be timed just right. There may be different sound levels that have to be adjusted too. Like if I am holding the camera my voice will be much louder than if it’s on a tripod six feet away. It’s very fiddly work. (Kinda perfect for my aspie nature.) And the more cuts and transitions I need to do, the longer it will take to edit the clip.

I knew that makeup bit would have a LOT of transitions, so I had to wait til I had time enough to work on it. I like to think my post-production skills are decent, and I get really chuffed when tia (who is a film geek) praises my work. And he has been going on about the excellence of my montage-making all morning. I think it was worth waiting for. :)

Making him our BITCH!

Here's a couple of screen shots from our latest video clip..

I've been sitting on this video for ages, nervous about publishing it in case Shy later changed her mind about being in porn. But as she's now started modelling for other sites I feel it's silly to hesitate any longer. So when she's famous, y'all remember you saw here here first, eh? ;-p

Smart ass penalties, revisited

I've spoken of our system of smart-ass penalties before. I really love making videos of these 'discipline' sessions. For one thing it's a type of scene that just begs for an audience. And I guess I enjoy watching these videos an awful lot. They're among the ones I keep coming back to anyway. *grin*

We made this one months ago, but I never got around to sharing these little samples from it..at least, I don't think I have. If I have done then I hope y'all won't mind seeing them again, lol! Personally I very much enjoyed watching myself bounce on poor tia's head & grind on his face as I revisited this one today..

We haven't had a smart-ass penalty session in a while. And you know what? Even if tia's not past due for it (and I think he is, oh yes I do) I know damn sure *I* am!

The Silken Trap

Years ago I created and developed a website, "The Silken Trap".

I created it because at the time there didn't seem to be any good forced feminization sites out there (in the wild-and-wooly days of the internet in the 1990s!) and I just wanted the kind of site that *I* might like.  I've been kinky nearly all my life, and this particular fetish got into my subconscious at a pretty young age.

Forced feminization was, to me, a form of bondage both mental and physical. In my mind the equation was this: if a Woman went to all of that trouble to enslave me, to feminize me, to wrap silken bonds around me and keep me her prisoner then she must really want me, and that feeling of being kept and desired and secure was the most delicious feeling in the world.

At the time I ran the site, I did not have a Mistress. Like many frustrated submissives out there.

Over and over I would have dates with Dominant women that didn't lead anywhere, or try to develop relationships online with Dommes across the country; a never-ending and emotionally exhausting search for 'The One'.

A journey that I know so many of you are on...

After many a lonely year on that journey I gave up for a while. Resigned myself that these needs and desires would stay just fantasies forever and I should just accept it.

And then...the unexpected. She came into my life.  The 'One'.

Mistress Erisiana Cherie.

My owner. My dream come to life.

She came into my life and turned it upside down. I am now her slave, 24/7, and in the past two years I have been taken on the most wonderful, magical journey. Limits have been pushed. Self discoveries have been made.

And some of the hottest, kinkiest experiences of my life have been had.

And its not over yet, not by a long shot!  The scary thing (to me) is that Mistress is taking our relationship, our journey together, more and more public as time goes on.  You've already seen this blog that goes into our lives together as Mistress and slave.  Mistress is now adding to that public humiliation and exposure by completely taking my old forced feminization site--the one where I used to post pictures of OTHER people--and turning it into a video record of my slavery to Her.

*groans*  Sounds like a forced fem fantasy story, doesn't it?

Except to me it's oh too real....

 

The Silken Trap