Lordy, Lordy, Look Who's Forty!

When we arrived in our room the first thing I did was order tia to strip and kneel so I could fasten the leather training collar (the very same one I led him in to Petsmart to choose four years ago) around his neck.

Then the next thing I did was make him put his clothes BACK on so he could go out and fetch the ice I forgot! :p

After he'd returned, and executed the prime directive of making me a drink (with plenty of ice), I ordered him to strip once more. The chastity device went on next and then my clothes came off. I was eager to try out that jacuzzi tub! I soaked in the tub while the birthday slut prepared his anal fuckhole with multiple enemas. Accompanied by much mockery and amusement from me of course. At last I stepped out of the tub and my freshly-cleansed slave was allowed to dry me off, Princess Ardala style.

We adjourned to the next room, where there was more light, and I had my sissy kneel at my feet so I could do her makeup. While we were thus engaged our friends Mistress Candice and her girl emma knocked on the door. They'd just arrived, having driven down from Jacksonville for the occasion, and I invited them in for a quick chat despite tia's embarrassed nakedness.

After catching up a bit the ladies left to go freshen up themselves, and I recommenced with my pretty pet's feminine transformation. I dressed her in a stretchy pink fishnet top that left her nipples exposed for me to play with, tiny grey thong panties trimmed with rainbow details that framed her ass so sweetly, and finally pale pink thigh-high socks to set off her sexy, curvy legs. The finishing touch was her wig of soft blonde curls and voila, my sexy shemale lover knelt trembling before me.

I'd been fielding text messages & emails from various people throughout the afternoon; many of our prospective guests sent their regrets at the last minute. But two solo crossdressing girls, Stephanie and Aida, were still coming. Stephanie showed up shortly after I'd got tia dressed and while the birthday slave fixed drinks for everyone she and I commenced the first round of 'Truth or Dare'. Within the first few minutes of the game my smart-assed slut had managed to earn two penalties: the first administered in the form of a swift blow to the right buttock with a large wooden spoon, and the second being the forceful insertion of a small dildo (the one we call 'fairy') into her tight ass.

Soon all the guests were assembled, my good little sissy had fetched drinks for everybody, and we were laughing through more rounds of 'Truth or Dare'. One girl's skirt was raised to give us all a good look at her CB-3000 chastity device...another was ordered to crawl around and kiss everyone's feet...a number of titillating confessions were made...and eventually tia wound up on my lap, demonstrating her stripper moves. Which was made that much more interesting by my simultaneously trying on a new thigh-harness loaded with her favorite dildo, which shall henceforth be called Prince Charming. She put on a good show, at least from my perspective, and pictures were taken.

The rounds of the game continued and somewhere along the way emma lost her clothes. (And tia lost her chastity cage.) We all watched as emma's Mistress led her over, naked and crawling on a leash, to render some oral service to a very excited Stephanie. I pulled out my cellphone and snapped some pics at Candice & Stephanie's request but I was soon distracted by groping and molesting my own sexy slavegirl.

Alas Stephanie had to leave early, so I announced it was time for the birthday spankings. Since she had to go soon Stephanie went first, administering eight sensual bare-handed smacks to my pet's thong-framed bottom. Well, I say eight - it was actually more due to my foolish slave having forgotten to keep count. Stephanie also went second, lying across my lap herself and taking a matching set of eight smacks on her own bare bottom from me. Emma declined to be a swatter and so her share of eight blows was split between myself and Mistress Candice, who went next.

Ms. Candice is an old school ass-kicking kind of domme, well known for the intensity of her pain play, so I knew the next dozen blows would be rough on my fragile darling. Therefore I decided to sweeten the experience - and muffle the noise! - by wrapping my strong curvy legs around tia's head, pressing her shrieking mouth into my crotch and smothering her between my soft thighs. I'm not sure whether it helped my little sissy to bear the pain of having Ms Candice wield the hated red leather slapper on her ass, but I certainly enjoyed the experience of having her crying into my pantied crotch.

At last it was MY turn. Aida had ceded her share of the spankings to me so I now had 20 swats to deliver. I'd opted to use the relatively tame black leather paddle with the fluffy sheepskin on one side but I decided to liven things up by inserting Prince Charming into tia's rectum before I started. (The smaller fairy dildo, which I'd stuck in her earlier as a smart-ass penalty, had been removed after about 20 minutes.) I then proceeded to dole out my 20 swats, taking care to aim the paddle to precisely hit the end of the dildo sticking out of her ass. I even got in a few swats with the handle of the paddle, turned so as to strike down on her dangling testicles as it pushed the dildo sharply into her. All in all she was not so much being spanked as being raped with the paddle. *evilgrin*

For the most part during this paddling I knelt beside her on the bed. But at one point I had tia pinned down, with my leg draped across her back and shoulders and my foot pressing her face into the bed. Sadly my damned hip wouldn't let me hold that position for long, and by the time I'd finished administering tia's 40th birthday spanking I was ready to give that injured joint a rest. I might normally, at this point, leave her kneeling on the bed and bugger her from behind. Instead I laid down on my back and ordered her to climb on top of me and ride me cowgirl style.

Being made to perform like the sluttiest porn whore, ride a cock and cum from it in front of a room full of observers, might not have been on tia's bucket list. But making her do it has certainly been on mine! It was so hot to have my beautiful shemale fucktoy moving on top of me, writhing and moaning as I groped her body and murmured nasty things to her. I reminded her that she'd need to be able to do this for her boyfriend someday, and for any other men I decided to give her to. She'd need to be able to bounce and grind on their dicks, doing all the work for them and convincing them that she was desperate to have every inch inside her. Convincing them that she was as horny as a bitch in heat and wanted nothing more than to have her fuckholes stuffed any way they wanted to give it to her. Which shouldn't be hard considering that she really was a horny little slut desperate to get fucked, I mean, look at how she was performing right now in front of her birthday party guests...

I kept it up for a little while, I'm not sure how long, before I ordered her to cum for me. She exploded with shuddering groans that turned to whimpers as I reached down into her panties and peeled off the condom which had captured her spurting cream. She grimaced, but obediently opened her mouth and sucked down every drop.

The party broke up not long afterward and I think we were both quite happy to fall into bed. But the next morning I could not stop thinking of how beautiful she'd looked moving on top of me...and how much I wanted to have her like that again. Something about not just forcing her to submit to getting fucked but forcing her to actually DO the fucking was incredibly hot. It shows how much of a slave she's become, how much her training has taken hold, that she not only CAN do these things and WILL do them, but that she literally gets off on doing them. I remember the days when my putting anything in her ass was an instant erection killer...now here she is begging to be buggered all the time!

So early on, before either of us was dressed or had eaten or anything, I put Prince Charming in my usual harness and slipped it on. I laid back in the bed and once again ordered her to climb on top of me. I made her rub against it, comparing her dainty cockette to its length and girth. Then I made her squirt a glob of lube on the end and rub my plastic phallus up and down the crack of her ass. I pulled her head down to kiss her and growl a few more lewd comments about the previous night in her ear. By now she was whimpering and squirming, and that cockette was throbbingly hard between our bodies. I knew she wanted me inside her, knew she wanted to be fucked again...and I laughed as I pushed her off me and ordered her to put her boy clothes on and go procure some breakfast.

By the time she came back I was dozing off again and I wanted to stay asleep for a while. So I told her to go have a shower, fetch more ice and pack up our things while I slept. About an hour and a half later I woke again and as I stretched and yawned my attentive pet offered me a fresh drink and some fruit she'd brought me from the hotel buffet. I ate a banana then got up and rummaged around in our bags for a couple minutes. Tossing some sheer ruffled panties, a pair of breastforms, and a pink satin bra at her, I ordered "put these on bitch". I think she must have gotten instantly hard; certainly that little cockette was sticking straight out again as soon as she pulled her panties up over it. The blonde wig came next (no time for makeup alas) followed by the leather training collar she'd taken off before showering, and a fresh condom. Just a matter of moments and there was my horny shemale sex slave standing before me once more.

I loaded Prince Charming back into the thigh harness and climbed back into bed. Once again I ordered her to get on top of me; this time I spent only a few moments groping her before I ordered her to reach around and guide my cock into her hungry fuckhole. I felt her muscles twitching around the dildo, the movement transmitted to my skin by the silicone shaft, and she moaned as it sank deeper into her. When my strapon was firmly implanted in her twitching anus she began to hump against my leg. I stilled her movements and adjusted our positions so that she was straddling my left thigh (the one with the harness) and her own left thigh was held between my legs. As she resumed humping back against me I reached down between my own legs and started rubbing my clit. I talked to her, telling her how beautifully slutty she was and describing the ways in which I and others might want to make use of that slutty body in the future. She was soon whimpering and shaking, her eyes rolled back in her head and wearing that unmistakeable look of being a hair's breadth from orgasm. "Do you want to cum slut? Beg me for it!" I purred and without hesitation a torrent of words tumbled out "please Mistress please your horny sissy slut wants to cum so bad please Mistress I'll do anything please.." I laughed "of course you will slave. And now you're going to cum for me. Cum from being fucked like a girl, cum like you did in front of all our guests last night." And cum she did, blushing bright red while she once more filled a condom full of her sissy cream.

I gave her a little shove and she collapsed on the bed beside me, the dildo sliding out of her ass with a tiny, wet plop. I unfastened it from my thigh and dropped it to the floor, then reached for one more toy - the ever faithful gizmo. Sliding the cum-filled condom off her wilting cockette, I drizzled its contents all over the gag side of our gag-mounted dildo toy and pushed it into her mouth. She grimaced at the taste but obediently lowered her head, allowing me to buckle it firmly in place. The, grabbing the dildo which now stuck straight out from her face, I guided her down between my things and into my sopping wet pussy.

I'd had a very small orgasm the night before when she was riding me; I was more than ready for a proper release of my own. And when it came it was magnificent, explosive waves of pleasure crashing through my body and washing away (for the moment anyhow) all the pain of my injured hip. It felt so good I almost cried afterward. Funny how something so simple can instantly make life brighter & sweeter. No matter how bad I might be hurting I could still wallow in the hedonistic pleasures of the flesh with my beautiful birthday girl. :)

---

I've mentioned a couple of times in this account that I'm not in top form. Shortly before xmas I did something to my hip which has kept me in more or less constant pain ever since. In retrospect I probably shouldn't have even tried to host a party in my condition; I suppose I thought it would surely be healed up by the time February rolled around. Anyway, the end result was that this party was a lot tamer than I'd meant it to be. Now, writing this, I can see that the x-rated action which did take place would have been wildest-fantasy material for a lot of sissies. Which I guess says something about what a lucky sissy slut tia really is. ;)

Smitten Sissy

Last night I was feminized by Mistress, full makeup, skimpy lingerie garters & stockings.

As I was still smooth from bodyshaving the other day it felt so incredible on my skin...it had been too long...felt so pretty...felt so slutty!

My cockette was tucked away in its oh-so-dangerously-tight-feeling chastity cage, not having a role to play the entire night other than add to my frustration.

After giving her a long pedicure she had me get in bed on all fours, then she put me in shackles before putting on her strap-on, which I was forced to lick and suck before she took my sissy ass...

It was...wonderful. Its almost frightening in a 'oh my god how far am I falling down the rabbit hole' sense as to how much she has trained me to her cock this past year...my body welcomes it...responds to it...aches for it...it no longer matters if I have a typical 'male' orgasm or not...I just want to be Her sissy bitch, I just want to surrender to it, give my body to her to use as long or as hard as she wishes, to beg for it like a wanton whore...

*shivers*

Part of my normal slave rules is to write her a thank you letter after every time she uses me. Here is what I wrote this morning:

Thank you Mistress, for taking the time to feminize me so beautifully and allowing me to please you, both with my mouth as well as my sissy ass. It felt so incredible to be fucked by you last night, with my cockette trapped in its little cage I felt like I could be fucked for hours and hours and ached for it, wanting to be made your sissy bitch and just taken and taken over and over again until you came multiple times....

Pity we were too tired for that, I think. ;)

Still squirming and aching today...spent all night all dressed up and made up and in shackles, I didn't even take the makeup off my face until just this morning...

I wanted to stay your pretty pet...

--your squirmy and totally smitten pet

Helpless in her arms

pet-trap:

Aren’t you so pleased I removed your Macho facade pet …

We now have the real you …

One who is a Sweetie … One who does as he is told …

Now tell me just how much you like your world controlled by me …

Ohhh last night saw my own wonderful Mistress taking my own 'macho facade' away from me, dressing me in a pink corset, garters, fishnet stockings, silk gloves and high heels.

This was not done for my pleasure, Mistress told me. And in fact had me masturbate rather early in the proceedings '..just to get it out of the way', before an evening or worshiping her feet in sexy high heels and getting intensely spanked, to punish me for straying from my path as her slave and to remind me who is, in fact in control here.

Its Her. Its most definitely Her. I felt just like the illustration above, helpless in his Mistress's arms, all manly pretense taken away. My true self revealed as her obedient sissy slave.

Thank you Mistress. Thank you for loving me, thank you for keeping me, thank you for putting me back in my rightful place at your feet.

And thank you for staying by my side during these rough times. I love you so.

Happy Birthdayversary (tia's thoughts)

It was without a doubt, the most beautiful BDSM 'scene' I have ever been part of.

I hate to even call it a 'scene', as to me it implies a sense of play-acting and fantasy that doesn't do justice to my relationship with my wonderful Mistress. And while Mistress did role-play a bit with me, to me it was all about submission to her body and soul, and of absolute trust. No acting or role-playing on my part was necessary.

I awoke rather groggily after only probably getting 3 hours of sleep or so to find my Mistress's face in front of mine and a plastic knife to my throat warning me to do as I was told and I wouldn't be hurt. Was I still asleep? Was I dreaming? I was blindfolded, gagged and my hands bound behind my back before I fully knew what was going on, taken outside wearing nothing but a sissy tshirt and frilly ruffled panties...omg Im outside!

I was pushed into what I thought was the trunk of Mistress's car at first before figuring out that it was alot roomier than a trunk, that I must be in the back of my own minivan.

And then the van started to move, increasing the 'holy shit' factor a hundredfold. Where were we going? What time was it? What am I in for?

The car ride seemed to take a long, long time, mostly in silence and the slight pain discomfort from my hands being bound so tightly behind me. I had no idea where we were...so many turns, different road surfaces. I remember thinking we were on a gravel-lined country road at some point because of the way the road sounded and how it the vibration of the car floor felt.

Was this all a massive headfuck? Would I be marched back inside my own house?

I didn't put anything past my Mistress. Had she made arrangements to take me by force to some clinic to receive a very humiliating laser hair removal treatment?
Yes, it was the middle of the night (presumably) but I was still very groggy and disoriented, and, after all, last year for my birthday I had been bound and my ears pierced as a mark of my permanent feminization and enslavement to her. So I wouldnt put anything past this Woman!

Was I to be used and abused somewhere by both Mistress and her husband? (I had thought him in the car with Mistress, and I now shyly confess to being a little disappointed to later discover that he wasnt)

OR...well...for a while now Mistress had been teasing me about finding me a 'boyfriend' or a 'Master' and my wild subbie imaginings wondered if she had really gone and done it: found some strange man on alt com or somewhere and I was about to experience perhaps more forced-bi fantasy than I was actually ready for? The old 'Be careful what you wish for..' saying whispered in my head, sending delicious shivers up and down my spine.

The car stops and we sit there in silence for a bit. Then the rear door opens and I'm helped out of the van (omg I'm outside AGAIN!) and up a few stairs and...and...I guessed where we were at from the short little stairs. Sandpit Manor, my future home.

I'm still kind of disoriented and confused however, as I still don't know what all she has in mind, and where the heck is Mistress's brother? I didn't think he had moved out yet and left the place vacant.

Mistress has written a better account of our night here and it would be foolish of me to try to recount it all over again to our readers, because I know I cannot do a better job.

But I just want to share my thoughts/feelings on it...so much of our play is internalized to me. I kind of bliss out into subspace and let go, and that's exactly what happened. I was used and fucked in so many ways, so many positions, being taken over and over by Mistress and her strap-ons, or being allowed to lick and worship her pussy, or having gizmo (the dildo face harness) strapped to my face and used in such a humiliating and frustrating fashion.

I lost all track of time...I was taken from my sleep, so I was groggy from that, then blindfolded for a long period of time and so deep in subspace that I didn't know if it was day or night or how long I had been kept prisoner and used as a fucktoy over and over and over...my world became one of pure physical sensation, and I drowned in the sensations of it, feeling like I had been reduced to just a sexual animal to be used for my Mistress's pleasure, and that I existed only for that wonderful purpose of pleasing her. My own selfish gratification didn't even enter into it.

And it was....so hot and raw and primal, but...so beautiful at the same time. What I found so beautiful was how well she knows me, and how well she can read me that words were unnecessary even if I had not been gagged. She knew, for instance, when my legs couldn't take a position anymore and I had to move or shift weight. She knew when I was thirsty and had me drink without me saying a word or begging for it. A Mistress and her devoted slave in perfect harmony with each other.

I get a little teary from the joy of it just thinking about it.

I was/am so touched by how much thought, effort and planning was put into it. Every little detail, from my allergy pills to remembering my favorite brand of beer and how I like my BBQ. How much effort she put into providing me with one of the best kinky and hedonistic experiences of my life as a birthday present.

It takes my breath away...

Someone watching us might have only seen the surface details: a hot and actually kind of rough rape/kidnapping scenario but deep down in my heart I knew the truth of it: that this was an act of pure love.

I have never felt so loved, or so owned in my entire life.

Thank you Mistress. I love you more than words can say.

Happy Birthdayversary! (the butterfly emerges)

We ate our feast of bbq and yes, he did drink the beer from the dog dish. (I let him have a second bottle though; I’m such a softie.) Then I was finally ready to let my filthy slut get cleaned up. I stood and tugged at his leash, prompting him to scramble up and follow me on a tour through the house. On closer inspection it delivered more in the way of ‘derelict den of iniquity’ than I could ever have imagined. We are going to have a LOT of work ahead of us to get the place back into decent shape. But eventually we ended up in the bathroom, where a poster of Frank Zappa on the toilet watched as I stripped my sissy down and ordered him into the shower.

He shivered as he stood there naked while I fumbled with the pliers that were necessary to turn the water on. Then he yelped and jumped away when the spray hit him. “Oops, I guess I forgot to mention that the hot water heater is broken too!” I chirped with malicious glee. My fanatically fastidious pet finished his shower in record time and I had to laugh when I saw how careful he was to not wet anything that didn’t absolutely have to be washed. I was not such a pansy when it was my turn; after the first shock of cold the water felt good against my heated flesh.

When we’d finished bathing it was time to complete the feminine transformation of my pretty pet. I fastened the collar around his neck and led her, still naked & shivering, back to the living room. There I dug around in my duffel bag until I found the outfit I wanted: a pretty babydoll nightie, with stockings and panties to match. The fabric of the nightie was sheer ivory georgette accented with black and red. The underwire bra that made up the bodice had miniscule black polka dots, while the skirt that fell from the empire waist was decorated with pairs of black pinstripes running like pleats down to a slight ruffle at the hem. The entire thing was trimmed with narrow black lace and tiny, strategically placed red satin bows.

I chose black fishnet thigh-highs to go with it although that violates our usual ‘black is for dommes, not sissies’ rule. Dressing Tia up is truly like dressing a giant living Barbie doll for me, expressing my inner fashionista, and the aesthetic demands of the OUTFIT take precedence over mere D/s protocols. (And besides, I know what black fishnets do to my leg-loving sissy, and I wanted to push every possible button in that slavish mind.) Next came breastforms, the big DD cup jahoobies, and the finishing touch: sheer red panties, decorated with red velvet dots and tied at the sides with red satin ribbons.

Practically like a great big red bullseye now that I think about it, hehehe!

I slipped her new heels back on her feet and fastened the red suede shackles back around her wrists and ankles. Now it was time for makeup. I took my time, carefully painting her eyelids in shimmering shades of pale aqua and mint, lining them with a glittery purple and adding black mascara and long fake lashes. I used a crimson stain to outline her mouth, giving pouty fullness to her lips, and added sheer red cherry-flavored gloss for sexy shine. A light dusting of blush on her cheeks and there she was, my beautiful porcelain-skinned sissy slavedoll.

This would be the time for her to don a wig, and I know she feels prettier and more feminine when I let her wear one, but I haven’t been fussy about the way she gets her hair cut for no reason. And my insistence on gradually adjusting her style to a more androgynous one pays off at times like these, when I want her to look perfectly pretty but still want to be able to pull the fuck out of her hair. I selected a matching headband decorated with pearly beads, settled it on her head, and her style was instantly transformed into a gamine pixie cut.

Once she was completely dressed I just couldn’t stop staring at her, she looked soo beautiful. Sparkling, mischievous blue eyes batting long lashes at me…pouting red lips made for kissing…silky curls begging to be touched…those legs, those gorgeous curvy legs in the slutty black stockings and heels..and omg that ASS. And looking and looking at all that soft pretty femininity made me want to sully it.

I ordered her down on her knees and reached for gizmo again. This time before I strapped it around her head I made her suck the longer dildo end. And as she sucked I gave a running commentary, telling her what a good little cocksucker she’d become and how very pretty she looked while doing it. Telling her how much I loved shoving my dick down her throat, and up her ass, and every other place I could violate her with it. Rubbing it in her face and making HER tell me how much she loved being raped in every possible way by me, how much she loved being my depraved fuckdoll, how she wanted to be my sissy slavegirl forever.

Finally I strapped the gizmo around her head and pulled her to me. I leaned back into the sofa cushions and guided the dildo into my wet pussy. For a few moments I just watched her head bobbing between my legs. She looked so helpless, so bound and servile..the raped & broken fuckslave of my most perverted fantasies. What an incredible thrill it was to have taken her like this, used her like this. What a thrill it was to own her. Then I closed my eyes, moved one hand to my clit and the other to my recently pierced nipple, and began to wank off again.

I came again, far too quickly. And afterwards we slept, both of us exhausted by the exertions of the day.

Happy Birthdayversary! (breaking him in)

After having spent the day preparing I found it hard to relax. I suddenly got nervous; what if something went horribly awry? I tried to grab some sleep but gave up after about an hour and decided instead to shower, then head over to make my final preparations. Finally everything was in order and I returned home to collect my accomplice. We made our way to tia's house where Izzy was to take away our car while I took tia's. I'm still very amused by the thought that I stole his car to kidnap him in.

At long last I crept into his room, plastic knife in one hand, dirty panties and vet wrap in the other. Climbing on top of his sleeping form I growled “do as you’re told and you won’t get hurt bitch” as I pressed the knife to his throat. I shoved the panties into his mouth and wrapped the vet wrap a few times around his head, over his mouth, to hold them in place. A few more wraps around his eyes, then I rolled him over and wrapped the last 1/3 of the roll around his wrists, binding them tightly behind his back.

With Izzy on one side and me on the other we led him out to the van. Barefoot, blindfolded, bound and gagged, and wearing nothing but the girly tshirt and sheer ruffled panties I’d ordered him to put on earlier. Though he was clearly still groggy from sleep I could also see him trembling in blissful anticipation already. It must have been an exquisite torture being led outside, practically naked but still feminized, with his slave role so blatantly on display, right out where all his neighbors (for all he knew) could see him! And with the knowledge in his mind that wherever I was taking him, whatever I was doing with him – he would be trapped there and at my mercy, with no id, no money, not even a pair of pants to get home in.

We pushed him into the back of the van and shut the door, then I gave Izzy a quick kiss goodbye and got in. I drove away from our destination at first, keeping a careful eye on the clock and a careful ear out for my captive in the back of the van. After about ten minutes I turned and headed back to sandpit manor. I reckoned that would surely confuse him about where I’d taken him. The drive was thankfully uneventful (I remember him farting, and me giggling about it) and when we arrived I backed carefully into the drive, all the way up into the carport so that our doings would be obscured by the house, the high fence, and the van itself as well as by the darkness. I waited til the interior vehicle lights had gone out before I opened the rear hatch to let him out. His steps were hesitant but he did not stumble as I guided him across the leaf-littered drive and up the steps into the house.

I’d laid everything out beforehand so when we got there all I had to do was push him down onto the waiting mat and get down to my dirty business. First I wanted to make sure his allergies didn’t interfere with my plans. I dashed into the kitchen and retrieved a glass of water and a shot of Irish Crème liquor. Then back out to where I’d left him bound and helpless on the floor. I grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled him up on his knees, then unwrapped the panty-gag from around his head. “How did you like the taste of those, slave? I wore them for two days so they would be nice and filthy for you. Here,” I continued, arranging the panties so the saliva-wet crotch covered his nose, “since I went to all that trouble let’s just keep them on you so you can continue enjoying Mistress’s lovely scent.” He whimpered and shivered in response.

After securing my panties around his head I popped the allergy pill out of its wrapper. Of course HE didn’t know what kind of pill it was as I held it to his lips and ordered “Swallow this bitch”. When he accepted the pill I gave him a sip of water to wash it down, and followed it with the shot glass: “And this too. ALL of it bitch. That should keep you nice and compliant.” I cackled as I pushed his head back to the floor. Let him think I’d given him hormones, or a tranquilizer, or whatever other possibility his fertile imagination supplied. I was confident the pill plus the shot would be enough to soundly push the ‘drugged into helplessness’ fantasy button.

Next I finally undid his hands and, while he groaned and shook the kinks out quickly shimmied into my waiting strapon harness. I grabbed his collar and leash and the red suede shackles and knelt beside him again. As I secured the collar around his neck I calmly stated “you notice I’m not asking if you want this. You’re mine now whether you like it or not, and I WILL do as I like with you.” He trembled again, and I continued, clipping on the leash and securely fastening the shackles around his wrists and ankles. “Now I want you on all fours slave” I barked, smacking him again with my crop, “like the bitch in heat that you are.” I squatted down, perching on the small of his back. Stroking his ass in his pretty polka-dot panties, I outlined what was happening to him: “you’re my sissy whore now, and I’m gonna break you in real good before I start renting this sweet sissy ass out. Gonna make sure you get plenty of practice fucking and sucking so you’ll be able to take it like a pro when I start sending johns to you. You feel that?” rubbing my dildo along his buttcrack “You’ll be feeling every inch of it real soon.”

I stood and administered a couple more whacks along with another warning to do as he was told, then crouched down beside his head. His lips parted obediently as soon as I brushed them with my plastic penis and I slid right inside that warm wet hole but I whacked him a few more times with the crop anyway, warning “I’d better not feel any TEETH, lazy bitch” He moaned and sucked me deeper into his hungry mouth. I held his head with one hand twined in his hair and the other at his jaw, admiring the way it looked to stuff his pretty mouth full. And of course telling him all about how pretty he looked and what a good sissy cocksucker I expected him to be, what a fine addition to my stable of whores.

After a few minutes I announced that he’d sucked my dick enough to get me good and hard, and moved around behind him. I pulled down his panties and planted a kiss on the soft white roundness of his ass then straightened up and began rubbing my cock in his crack. Saying “see how hard you’ve got me bitch? How excited I am at the thought of raping you?” I squirted a glob of lube onto the shiny purple head of my cock then rubbed it around his tight rosebud. As I pushed it in I could feel his asshole twitching around it. He moaned then gasped in pain. I pulled out, added some more lube, and pushed back in several times until I felt he’d relaxed enough to accept me. Then I slid in deeper and deeper til he groaned as my pelvis pressed against his ass.

After I’d gone to the trouble of find the special batteries for the vibe I was damn sure gonna use them, so once I was planted deeply inside him I fumbled around, wiggling my fingers between the harness & my body until I found the button to turn it on. Then I settled in to bugger him really, really well.

I came lots of times while I fucked him, small orgasms made infinitely more potent by my murmuring to him each time: “there bitch, that’s another trick who just shot his jizz into your horny ass. Are you ready for the next one? Too bad, cause there’s another hard cock waiting to fuck you…” Filled with the triumphant feelings of kidnapping him, enslaving him, raping him I became a one-woman gangbang. I was high on the rush of control and insatiably aroused.

At some point I decided to switch cocks. He were so receptive, so pliant beneath me…I was so filled with the sense of power, the idea that I could do anything to him…that I wanted to fill him up with something bigger than he had ever taken before. So after one more orgasm (that’s one more trick pumping a load into your horny ass slave…) I pulled out and, as quickly as I could manage with excited fingers fumbling on slippery lube-wet snaps, I changed to my disturbing alien dick.

I took advantage of the lull in the sodomy to commence with the next level of his ‘breaking in’. My plan had been to rape his ass right away, figuring the buttfucking would break any possible resistance (ha!), and then while he was putty in my hands to begin his sissy transformation. I announced it was time to begin his feminization and pushed him once more up on his knees. As he knelt before me I informed him that we’d be getting him a nice big set of knockers implanted soon, but for starters we were gonna make those cute little nipples as big and pink and puffy as possible. Which naturally means using the nipple suckers. I lifted his t-shirt and laved each nipple in turn, sucking and biting it before attaching the small black suction device that would make it swell and redden.

While I gave the nipple suckers time to work I teased him, stroking his throbbing cockette and speculating about how it might get smaller and more useless once he’d been on the hormones for a while. That’d be ok though, since nobody was interested in using that silly little thing except to torment him with. That it might even make it easier on him once he was locked in chastity all the time. I noted also how the nipple suckers poked through his purple t-shirt, looking for all the world like big fat female nipples perched atop full breasts. I told him how mouthwatering they looked on him, and how charming it would be once we got those implants done and he had big fat boobs for me to play with all the time. How much I would enjoy sliding my cock in between them, tit-fucking him, having yet another way to use him.

After a few minutes of this I judged that his nipples must be sufficiently swollen; with casual brutality I flicked the suckers off both of them at once. They might be red and puffy already but I was not at all ready to stop torturing them, so I bent to nibble and suck on his nipples some more. I got a little carried away perhaps, actually chewing on them more than nibbling. He whimpered and yelped but didn’t pull away from my sadistic caress. I was reluctant to remove my mouth but other urges were growing so I impulsively clipped a clothespin on each nip then moved to the other side of his body.

I used a carabiner to quickly clip his hands together behind his back. Then reached around to tease him about how it made his tits stick out. He yelped when I pushed him forward to lie atop the waiting cushion. It must’ve hurt a lot lying on top of those clothespins like that; he yelped and tried to lift his torso away from the cushion when I settled my ass on the back of his thighs. “Mistress, please…” he whimpered

“What is it slave?”

“The clothespins, they’re too much”

“Well I guess you should beg me to take them off then.”

“Oh Mistress please, your sissy would do anything for you but they hurt so bad Mistress will you please please take them off?”

“Oh, all right, you big sissy” I turned around, straddling his legs, and used his hair to pull him to his knees. Lifting his shirt I ripped the left pin off one nipple, then the other. He yelped and I pressed my fingers against them, soothing that first sting but then making it worse by pinching and twisting on them myself.
But I was in the middle of something, so soon I shoved him back down, face-first, onto the cushion. I leaned over and grabbed the pair of red fishnets I’d laid out and (with the minor interruption of having to unfasten his ankle shackles) sensuously slid them up his legs. He shivered and moaned as the soft stretchy net spread up his legs. Then I opened his other birthday present: a brand new pair of slutty black pumps with 4” heels and a delicate ankle strap. I pulled his feet up one at a time, sliding them into the sexy arched shape of the shoes and fastening the straps securely around his ankles. Then his shackles were returned, and my pretty whore was really looking the part.

I paused to admire my work, stroking his luscious thighs and squeezing his buttcheeks. Then I moved up to his head; I meant to make him suck my big hard cock before I shoved it up his ass. I rubbed it on his (still blindfolded) face, smacking him with it, taunting him about how good it was going to feel to have that entire, massive piece of meat up inside him. How much his slutty whore self was gonna love it, even if it hurt. I get such a rush literally rubbing his face in it like that. And then I slipped behind him once more, pushed him down onto the cushion, spread his cheeks and (adding another quick glob of lube) slid it in. Inch after inch he took it, moaning and whimpering like it hurt but wiggling his cute ass around and humping back against me to take more and more. Soon I was buried to the balls inside him and he was groaning as I swung my hips back and forth. I wanted him to feel every fucking inch of that cock, to feel utterly, completely filled. And USED.

I’d snatched him from his bed just after 3am and when I finally let him up from that first round of sodomy it was six. So I figure I spent nearly two hours fucking that sweet sissy ass. And I know he’d never taken anything that big before. So yeah, I’d guess that I accomplished my goal. *evilgrin*

I must have cum at least 6 or 8 times, maybe more, but up to this point they’d all been those little popcorn orgasms: plenty of ‘em, but none really satisfying. And by now my lust was at a fever pitch. I wanted to cum again, good and HARD. So finally, reluctantly, I pulled my strap-on from tia’s ass and wiggled out of the harness. I unclipped the carabiner holding his wrists together and tugged the leash, prompting him to clamber up on all fours. I knew just how I wanted to accomplish this so I shifted to the sofa and reached for gizmo, our combination gag & dildo. I fastened the strap around his head and pulled it to me, aiming the black rubber phallus at my throbbing pussy. I draped my legs across his shoulders, closed my eyes and began to move, grinding my cunt against his face and frantically rubbing my clit. After just a few minutes I was swept away by powerful waves of pleasure, bucking and clenching my thighs around his head.

When I came down from these ecstatic crests I unwrapped my legs from around his head and unstrapped gizmo. As is our usual custom I presented my end of it to him to lick clean, but I only gave it a few cursory swirls in his hungrily sucking mouth before laying it aside. I was hungry now myself so I scampered to the kitchen, grabbing a glass of orange juice and a couple of donuts. I returned to my seat on the sofa and pressed the glass to his lips, allowing him a sip of juice before feeding him a big bite of donut. He moaned in delight, swallowing the sugary morsel and saying “Mistress, you just crossed the line into complete decadence.” “Oh no my pretty slut," I responded, "I’m just getting started.” When we’d finished devouring our snack I licked my fingers and gathered him in my arms. Unwinding the vet wrap from around his eyes I announced “welcome to your new home bitch.”

to be continued...

Why am I kinky? Why 'forced fem'? (Part 3)

With the key components of my sexuality in place: that being pretty means positive female attention and love, and that if a woman goes to the trouble to feminize me and keep me prisoner that I am therefore desired and wanted, the rest of my perversions and fetishes start to fall into place as I get older.

At some point in my childhood I had a scrap of black fishnet that was an accessory to a 'Planet of the Apes' toy playset, and I remember absolutely loving the way it felt if I put it on my leg, the way it looked, the way it felt if I kissed it..

I joke about it, but I seriously think popular culture played a role.

Wonder Woman on TV wearing that outfit, tying up people with her golden lasso and forcing them to tell the truth.

Princess Ardala on Buck Rogers, all dominant and imperious, always trying to seduce Buck and make him her submissive consort. I even had an action figure of her that in later years my other action figures would kneel before and kiss her feet!

And of course, Slave Leia in that much beloved and drooled over outfit.

In Leia's case, it wasn't so much a desire to submit to her and be conquered by her (as it was for Ardala & Wonder Woman) it was more a desire to look like her, and be collared and chained and kept.

As I got older, I began to figure out some of these thoughts and fantasies. The discovery of porn magazines gave me a terminology and a frame of reference to figure out who I was, which I've written about before.

I'll just shamelessly steal from myself and quote here:

To me, it wasn't like I made a conscious decision in my head "Oh that sounds hot, I would like to try that someday". It was more of...an epiphany of sorts. A realization deep in my heart, soul, and loins that this is who I am. Feelings and urges inside of me for years before I had even picked up a porno magazine in my life--things that I didn't understand suddenly had names and identities. I was a submissive male. I was into BDSM. I needed to belong to a Mistress. I now had a vocabulary and a frame of reference for these feelings and needs.

From there things kind of progress organically in my sexual development. Childhood fades, the toys and action figures are put away and I'm now fantasizing about these porn letters I'm reading, and oogling girls in class.

Every Halloween was particularly torturous in a sweet kind of way, because inevitably girls at school would come dressed in some outfit involving black fishnets and I used to ache and feel my knees go weak and know deep down in my soul that if any of them had clued in on these feelings in me, and told me to get on my knees before them, I would have been unable to resist!

My kink interests and experience have grown over the years, but some of them just seem to have developed naturally from out of the primary forced feminization fetish. For instance, the interest in strap on dildoes and forced bi.

The interest in strap-on play develops as a natural continuation of the forced fem fetish. Because, after all, if being a kept feminized slave meant that I was unable to escape, how much greater the helplessness and enslavement is if I am forced to act and perform as a female as well. Its all a development and an escalation of the wanting to be kept prisoner (and therefore wanted, desired and secure) part of my psyche.

Forced bi? Also develops naturally, logically even from these same desires. If I am so owned now that my very sexuality is open to whatever my Mistress wishes, it reenforces those mental chains that bind me to her. There has to be that element of force involved, NOT because I need some sort of an 'excuse' to engage in homoerotic activity, but because my insecurity demands I feel wanted and needed and kept as a pretty prisoner and surrendering my sexuality is an extension of that very basic need.

That's why all of the endless back and forth discussion of 'how is forced fem or forced bi really forced' really pisses me off when I see it. Are any other fetishes second guessed and nitpicked this much?? If my fetish was all about being spanked, would I be nitpicked by people saying that, because I consented to and submitted to being spanked, that I wasn't REALLY surrendering control at all?

Its ALL consential activity, or supposed to be, no? And the activity in question--whether it be being dressed as a woman...or made to serve as a pony...or spanked...or whatever the activity happens to actually be that forms one's fetish need, that activity is really only the surface manifestation of the psychological need that particular fetish fulfills. So it doesn't really matter what the fetish actually is, its almost even a kind of side effect.

My needs are to feel wanted and loved and kept secure, your deep needs may be motivated by something else entirely, that other kinkster over there may have the same fetish but different psychological needs than you and I, or a different fetish driven by the same underlying need.

We're all different. Your mileage may vary.

So anyway...that's my kinky psyche as I have come to understand it. As I said in my first entry on this subject, what drives me may and probably is different than what drives you, but hopefully you've been able to relate a little.

Why am I kinky? Why 'forced fem'? (Part 2)

Back to the psychological self-analysis..

I'm not blaming (for lack of a better word) my kinky and perverted nature entirely on my grandmother and my childhood appearance. I think we as people are shaped my the world and our experiences as a whole, and to suppose an immediate cause and effect (ie, my childhood blonde curly hair created my desire to be feminized & enslaved by a woman) is too simplistic and wrong. Its only when you put the pieces of a jigsaw together that they make sense--a piece on its own, isolated from the main picture means nothing.

A big key to my psychology as a whole, not just my kink side, is insecurity. I'm a tad neurotic. Even now, writing this, I feel a small bit of anxiety worrying over if some forum/internet troll will attack me, or, if I will have put all of this time and effort putting myself under the microscope for an interesting and educational piece and no one will read it or give a shit.

Insecurity, low-self esteem, prone to anxieties and depressions. I can coldly and clinically examine my psyche and diagnose myself point by point. Where all of it comes from? I have no idea...like I said previously, I was brought up in a very loving and supportive home. The only real problems in my world came when I was switched from a very sheltered private school where all my classmates were my friends to a rather brutal redneck public school where I suddenly became the nerdy new kid no one liked in the fifth grade. Perhaps all the negative traits stem from there, or perhaps some of it is genetic as mom is rather anxiety-driven as well. I don't know.

How insecurity applies to my kink life is that I feel it is the root need in my psychological profile that kink addresses and fulfills.

My mind had already made the equation that being beautiful equated positive female attention, affection and love. The black hole of being deeply insecure as a person meant that I constantly needed reassurance that I was wanted and desired and loved.

And around this time...before the switch from private to public school actually, I began having this dream.

It was a reoccurring dream, one that I had for several nights. Vivid enough that I remember it to this very day. In the dream, I was kidnapped by a whole gang of giggling girls and taken to this abandoned house. I was overpowered, stripped naked and had all my male clothes thrown away. Then I was dressed up and made up as a girl. This ensured my compliance with their wishes and made sure I would stay a prisoner, because the embarrassment factor of going out in public dressed as a girl meant I could never leave the house, so I was trapped there, forever in the dream.

Then the girls tied me to a chair (doubling down on this whole not letting me get away thing) and took turns kissing me. Just kissing, mind you. I had NO idea what sex was at this age. But the dream made me feel so...tingly. Happy.

This same dream repeated itself several times...and then, several weeks later--almost as if I predicted it--a high school girl on the bus, fed up with my brattyness and smartass remarks threatened to put lipstick on me at the bus stop.

Of course I made a big show of going ohhhhh noooo and running from her as if my life depended on it, but inside a sick sweet thrill was had at the thought of her actually doing it. Of her holding me down helpless and applying lipstick. Outside, I was all "Don't you even!" but inside I was going ohhh yessss please....

The machinery in my head whirred and clicked and came up with the next huge building block in my developing sexuality, really the key to everything that makes me tick as a submissive is that: if a woman goes to all of that trouble to make me her prisoner, to feminize me and put me in bondage to make sure that I cannot escape then she must REALLY REALLY *WANT* me.

This is key, I think. Its *not* about the clothes in and of themselves. Its why I have no desire to dress on my own, and why I do not identify myself as 'trans' anything. Its all about HER. The woman in my fantasies who wants to keep me as her slave, wrapped her little finger forever and ever. It makes me feel sexy, wanted, desired. Deliciously trapped as her pretty pet.

And if I am wanted and desired to that extreme...I have nothing to be insecure about.

More to come...

Why am I kinky? Why 'forced fem'? (Part 1)

Over the years I've spent a good deal of time wondering about why I'm kinky, and why certain things just have always triggered me. The psychology of my own perversions, really. And I'm pretty sure I've figured out the answers, or, at least I'm close.

One big caveat I must make up front in this post is that the observations and generalizations that I make are applicable only to myself. It would be a mistake to apply the same motivations to everyone, even those submissives that share my fetishes and tastes.

Just like its a mistake for those outside of the lifestyle to apply big overreaching explanations to us all. You've heard it all before: Foot fetishists are caused by a parent or sibling stepping on them accidentally as a child, or all crossdressers into forced bi are really just closeted gay men who need an excuse to indulge in what they really want to do. You've seen all kinds of half-baked generalizations like that before I'm sure, both made by people outside the lifestyle as well as (sadly) like-minded armchair psychologists in the lifestyle itself.

I know what applies to me does not apply to everyone. Your own mileage may vary.

So...why am I kinky? It all goes back to childhood, but not back to any life-changing trauma, or abuse, or issues with my parents of any kind of pat easy answer like that. I grew up in a very warm and loving home, with wonderful parents who doted on me. I'm 38 now, so I'm old enough to be part of a generation (perhaps the last generation?) that was raised in a world where it was OK for parents and school officials to 'not spare the rod' and so I received my own fair share of paddlings, even smackings with a belt.

But as I do not have a fetish for any of the corporeal punishment stuff, it seems to have not have had an affect on me at all. As a child, it happened rarely. As a kinky adult, while an over-the-knee spanking does have its appeal I am not a painslut by any means. Instead, I view the application of pain as more of a part of the 'job description' of being a submissive or slave than something I actually actively want or beg for.

I was a beautiful, rather androgynous child the first few years of my life. (Yeah, I know, what happened, right? :P ) My hair was blonde and curly, my features were soft. Looking at old photos of myself pre-kindergarten, you really can't tell gender at all. And oh boy, I got all sorts of approving attention from adult women in those days for it. Touching my hair, saying all sorts of nice things to me, making a fuss. This female approval and attention cannot have NOT had an affect on me.

It also didn't help that during this period in the 70's my grandmother had taken it upon herself to make clothing for me. I don't know if it was for economical reasons or just a hobby, but the end result was a lot of unisex outfits that of course I had to wear. Horrible little unisex pantsuit/jumper things. Which I do NOT have a fetish for, thank you very much. But I think it definitely played a role in how my developing mind saw gender identity. To my young mind, there really was no difference between boys and girls other than girls were prettier and boys enjoyed sports and roughhousing more.

Eventually my features developed more, my hair darkened, my father's genes took hold I guess and the 'beautiful' days were behind me. Which wasn't a disappointment to me at the time: I hated my curls, and I was embarrassed at all the feminine attention. The 'girls have cooties' period in life had begun.

But deep in my subconscious the equation of being beautiful = positive female approval, attention and love had been made.

More to come.

Bikini party girl Part II. (Mistress's version)

Wednesday October 12th was one of my monthly play parties, and by a brilliant stroke of luck my slave tia was off work and able to attend. I promised him that he would be *thoroughly* used, and so he was.

I started off by dressing her in her new bikini, then warmed her up with a good beating. Then we cooled off in the pool before I led her back to the bunkhouse for her first fuck of the day. The room was dark but I know our audience (i.e. the other guests who happened to be in the room) enjoyed the sight of me banging her. I first took her doggy-style (and had my first orgasm), as she knelt on a low ottoman. Then I fucked her again (and came again) while she lay on her back with her feet up in the stirrups of an antique ob/gyn table.

Afterward I made her fetch a cloth to clean my cock before ordering her to suck it. And then, with her moaning, dazed & begging to be used some more, we went back in the pool. *wickedgrin*

After we came back from dinner (steak and 2-for-1 happy hour drinks) we wandered around chatting for a awhile. I’d dressed tia in a soft robin’s egg blue tshirt, her white, ruffly, sheer panties with the multi-colored dots, and coordinating rainbow striped thigh-socks.* A friend of mine whom I had important business to discuss with showed up, and we were sitting on one of the beds in the bunkhouse talking when it occurred to me that tia would be getting fidgety…and I’d been noting for ages how much she missed having a flesh and blood cock to suck on…and that another friend of mine, an older gentleman who I remembered being fun to play with on previous occasions, was standing right there So I asked him if he’d like to get his dick serviced and when he agreed I ordered tia down on her knees.

This came as a bit of a shock to her. *evilgrin*

But she (good girl!) obeyed, and she got her reward a few minutes later when a new guest – one rather younger and hunkier – showed up. I asked him if he’d like to join in, he gave an enthusiastic yes, and our old friend gracefully passed tia along to the new boy. You can read in her own words how much she enjoyed being used by HunkyGuy; I enjoyed watching so much that I quickly got distracted from my conversation and decided to get some action myself. I invited our older friend over to lick my pussy a bit, and after taking my pleasure rewarded his efforts with some nipple biting. Rather fierce nipple biting in fact, which he seemed to enjoy very much.

My “reset” button pressed I checked to see that tia and her new boy-friend were engrossed in each other, and decided to try and resume my lost conversation. I found my friend outside and we were strolling by the pool a short while later when HunkyGuy came along. I inquired if my sissy slut had pleased him and he assured me she had, with a big smile on his face. I said goodbye to my friend and when tia herself came wandering out a few minutes later I grabbed her leash** and led her back to the bunkhouse to get fucked again.

This time I had her climb up into the leather sling, and bound her ankles to the suspending chains so her legs were kept in the air & spread. The lights were on so the other folks in the room got a much better view. And tia herself had the best view of all, looking up into the huge mirror that’s mounted above the sling. I meant for her to cum (finally) and it’s a good thing, because after just a few minutes of thrusting she completely lost control, and shot her sissy-cream all over her tummy. I scooped up as much of it as I could with my fingers and fed it to her. And that was about the end of the action for the day.

I’d say it was a good party. ;D



*Have I mentioned that I have a THING for sissies in SOCKS?

** And did I forget to mention also the leather pet collar & rope leash she wore all day as I led her around?

Bikini party girl!

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Revelations in subspace, or, "How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Being a Pornslut"

First, the backstory:

Its been an intense week in my submissive life.

On Sunday I was used. Really used. Used like a submissive like me dreams of: I was repeatedly, roughly, and aggressively used and fucked by Mistress in *every* possible way and was not allowed to cum at all. Which didn't even matter to me, really. Physical frustration ebbs and fades away once the teasing and arousal stops and becomes more manageable. But the joy of pleasing my Mistress over and over again? The wonderful submissive feelings of being helpless before Her, and put in my place?

That's what its all about. My God, She was so beautiful...so fierce and aggressive. A true Goddess in every sense of the word. Takes my breath away.

So...that was the start of my week...then I had a few unpleasant workdays, back in the so-called 'real world'. I was relaxing on the couch after such a workday on Wed night when Mistress and shygirl (Mistress's husband's subbie girl, for those of you who do not follow our blog and may be confused by all the polyamorous twists & turns :p) unexpectedly come through the door to surprise me!

In no short order I was told I was going to be used by both of them that night (!) and, in shygirl's exact words, "Just let it happen!". I was told to strip down to my panties and put something sexy on. I chose a sexy teal satin nightie and joined them in our 'studio' room. There Mistress directed shy to sit on my face for a little while before both of them put strapon dildos on, sandwiching me between them at first, but before long Mistress just sat back and directed shy as she fucked me, eventually coming to an apparently powerful orgasm (her first orgasm ever while fucking someone with a strapon!), grinding into me and smacking my ass as she came.

Then Mistress took HER turn. With the larger dildo!

I should also mention at this point that Mistress filmed all of this...she does this for a number of hot scenes in our lives--its not just for business, however. Its also an ongoing record of my submission to her. And it does add spice....sometimes (more on this later).

Of course, I was *still* not permitted to cum. :P

So then we get to last night (Fri), the point of all of this sexy rambling (and no its NOT just 'wank fodder' you would-be Fetlife forum troll/overzealous anal retentive moderator-type person, if persons of such type be reading this...)

(doubtful, those kind of people usually just skim a little before making some sort of quick narrow minded judgement or snarky comment and don't really READ anything :P)

I digress: I've just become very jaded & cynical about forum/blog behavior these days.

Anyway, back to last night: Mistress feminizes me--the whole 9 yards this time, something we don't do that often in our everyday lives due to time constraints and such. It DOES make it more special when she does it as a result.

She administered an enema (*blush*) and had me bodyshave, then pick my own outfit for the evening "as if you were dressing to please your BOY-friend" she teased. I picked a pink satin nightie, a cute pair of matching panties, thigh high white stockings and my heels. Mistress then did my makeup and put me in my blonde wig.

Each step of this process I'm drifting off into subspace...my psyche (for reasons I'll delve into some other time) equates feminization with being kept prisoner. Therefore its bondage to me. The more involved, the more helpless and kept and submissive I feel.

So I'm already getting deep into subspace before she does anything with me...I'm begging her to be allowed to please her, in any way she wishes.

I'm begging to be put on video for her.

No, this isn't topping from the bottom or begging for something I want for my own sake, even if (as I said earlier) it does add some sexy spice. I'm embarrassed by my photos and videos, and don't think I'm all that attractive in either my male or feminine personas.

I'm begging for it because I know deep down in my heart that this is what will please Mistress the most.

After 2 1/2 years of being this wonderful Woman's slave, and loving her with all of my heart, I've come to read her moods. Try to predict her needs, as best I can, and last night I knew Mistress was feeling the driving need to work. She is a Professional as well as a Lifestyle Mistress, and this IS her work. Its summertime, and thus with no school she's on full time mommy duty and I know the frustrations of not being able to work eats away at her inside. That pressure is increased by the never-ending money worries that are ever present for those of us who are just barely keeping our heads above water.

She needed to work and me, deep in subspace, I read that need and wanted to satisfy it. I felt a deep...giving of myself in the offer, to be filmed and humiliated and frustrated. I felt a pure sense of purpose, and the sheer desire in my heart and soul to please this Woman, my Mistress, my Goddess--was overwhelming, outweighing my personal needs and feelings and frustrations.

And I'll let you now in on a little secret about making porn...its not all fun and games. Sometimes--like the night Mistress spontaneously filmed her and shy taking turns on me with strapons--the camera is a natural part of the scene, and does not distract from the headspaces Mistress and I are in. It feels natural, organic, even erotic--it becomes a tool of humiliation for Mistress to use, just another sexy weapon in her arsenal to use.

Sometimes the camera--and all of the fucking around with the camera, trying to get angles, trying to get everything in the frame, messing around with the lights, sometimes the camera SERIOUSLY detracts from the scene. And in the past sometimes I'd get more than a little frustrated (in the bad sense) at all of the distractions, especially if Mistress was feeling frustrated (also in the bad sense) juggling being an erotic filmmaker and my Mistress at the same time. I'd obey, of course--its not like I can say no, can I?--but I'd come away from the scene feeling a little peevish sometimes.

But last night, deep in subspace, I felt something click in my mind and I came to a revelation, an epiphany of sorts. Something you and others reading this may think should have been obvious all along but in my head I had never really made
the connection:

That being, "Dumb-ass, this isn't all about YOU."

I mean, I'm not an idiot. I'm not a 'top from the bottom' or a 'do-me' kind of so-called submissive at all. I have always wanted to serve and please my dominant, I've been active and kinky for years before ever meeting Mistress, and have found deep satisfaction and even joy in serving...the giving of myself, out of love and obedience.

But when it came to Mistress's pornmaking--I couldn't see the forest for the trees. When she would get frustrated with the camera or something and stopping in the middle of doing something sexy with me--strapons, facesitting, whatever it was we were doing at the time--the ACT itself we were doing at the time was NOT what I as her slave was truly doing as an act of obedience, the truly obedient thing to do--the giving of myself was to recognize and satisfy Mistress's REAL NEED--her need for a smooth shoot.

IE, if Mistress is filming me licking her pussy for the camera, her need ISN'T actually having her pussy licked at all. Her need is for me to perform for the camera, and, more importantly, to soothe jangled nerves and frustrations and keep her 'in the moment'.

Me, being somewhat of an idiot and highly distracted by said pussy in question would confuse my real duties as her slave and be annoyed that the camera stuff was intruding upon my oral service, or whatever I was doing at the time.

Obvious, no? Perhaps it should have been. But it was a revelation to me all the same, and a testament to how far I've come, how much I've grown as a submissive to better serve Mistress's needs--both the said and unsaid ones.

The connection burned itself into my head--that I must learn, am learning to recognize Mistress's needs & motivations.

To truly serve Her.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

There have been some new developments in my ongoing training & feminization under Mistress lately!

First off is the purchase of a CB6000 chastity device. (eek!)






It hasn't been put on me yet...I think Mistress is waiting until she and I have some time off together to put it all on film. I'm a little nervous as to the practical day-to-day side effects of it more than I am the fear of not being able to cum as I am (mostly) a good slave in that I don't do anything with my cockette without her permission to start with.

Mostly good that is. I'd be lying if I said I didn't disobey every so often. :P

But like I said, its the everyday stuff that concerns me--will it show in my pants? Will it be comfortable to wear for long periods of time? Will it make it hard for me to get to sleep? What about keeping things clean & hygienic?

Will it hurt a lot when Mistress gets me all excited and I'm locked away?

I've found a few blogs with some helpful information but experience IS the best teacher...*gulps*

Thank GOD Mistress didn't decide to lock me away the night she and shygirl pegged me with strap-on dildos for the first time!*blush*

The other recent development is the new Tria Hair Removal System that came in the mail the other day, in order to permanently feminize me by slowly (and perhaps painfully) removing all my body hair. Again, I'm both excited and nervous...I love the idea of always being silky smooth and girly for my Mistress, but will it actually work?

In typical sissy fiction these developments happen lightning-fast, the hapless sissy slave is changed from lowly male to sexy shemale in short order. Real life, sadly, isn't quite like that. My training and transformation has progressed slowly--my work often interferes for one, and for two, well, I'm probably not the easiest submissive in the world to train for various reasons.

But my wonderful, loving Mistress has been so patient...so gentle with me in guiding me down the path to become Her perfect slave.

I'm honored to be Hers, and excited and thrilled by each new step in my enslavement.

More to come as it happens!

Assfucking Addendum

It had been a lovely day. A healing day: I had just had a death in my family, and Mistress had decided the best way to help me through the grieving process was a day of total hedonism; using and abusing her slave until I was sore. Unconventional for sure, and quite possibly it might strike others as disrespectful, but it worked.

It was...kind of like a celebration of life, in the face of death. Mistress reminding me just how sweet life can be, and turning what would have been a day spent dwelling in darkness (as I would have done had she not been there) into a day of love, laughter, and happiness.

That morning I had been well used indeed, which Mistress has written about in epic scope. The afternoon had been kind of lazy and relaxing and recovering. We went out for an early dinner consisting of alcohol with a little bit of steak thrown in for nutritional value. So we got back kind of happy, not three sheets to the wind per se, more like one and a half. ;D

Mistress had me change into a purple sissy t-shirt, my new purple fluffy skirt that she just got me, thong panties and purple fishnets. I get the odd feeling she likes seeing me in purple. I'm observant; I pick up on things like that.

She changed into black panties and ohmygod black fishnets...and then she put the strap on dildo on...ohhhhh my mind raced...She'd already used my mouth and cockette to please her in every possible way that day: it seemed very likely now that she would use my sissy ass as well and make the job of using me complete.

But first things first..I was instructed to go to the bathroom and use an enema kit. I obeyed, and was soon on my knees on the bathroom floor administering the nasty thing when Mistress decided to come in and "assist" me. *BLUSH* Now I don't have an enema fetish at all but somehow the act of her doing that to me, totally invading my last shred of privacy in that most embarrassing moment, was so hot, so humiliating...it made me feel so much like just an object, Her property to use in any and all ways she chooses. This was reinforced by her putting her fishnet-clad foot on the back of my head as I knelt in the bathroom, pushing my face into the floor, forcefully reminding me: this isn't just a game or a 'scene'. This is REAL. This is my life, I belong to this Woman body and soul.

Once I was cleansed she inserted a buttplug in me to prepare me for the evening, then had me kneel on the couch and suck her strap on while she watched one of my sissy porn videos, teasing me as I mimicked what the sissy on the screen was doing, getting into my head and pushing all my buttons as skillfully as a master violinist plays the strings. But after a little while it was off to the bedroom for flogging and sodomy.

It hurt - sharply at first - when she pushed into me. Anal play is not always easy for me. But after a bit of urging I soon found myself on all fours, feeling myself be taken by her, feeling my body surrender to her and respond in kind. I felt so...gloriously helpless beneath her, just a piece of slutty sissy fuckmeat there for her pleasure and use. She spanked my ass as she fucked me, pulled my hair and head back, faster and faster and more like we were two animals in heat.

I wanted to stay that way forever...deep in subspace, and deep into the sheer physical joy of being totally used for my Mistress's pleasure. At that point, in my head, I knew I totally belonged to her. That there was nothing in the world that I wouldn't do for her, and I would give anything in the world to just be feminized and fucked by her the rest of my days.

The pleasure in my sissy cockette began to grow to an unbearable state...but I didn't want to cum, I didn't want to stop, I wanted my Mistress to cum from fucking me, to obtain her pleasure from me using me like a girl...but it was too much, I was so close, I begged her for permission...granted...

And I had perhaps one of the most intense orgasms of my life as my Owner took me hard, shuddering through my body from head to toe in waves of pleasure and subspace.

---

So slut, shall we do it again sometime? - Mistress, grinning evilly

Sissy cummies

Playtime in a 24/7 relationship is a little different from that engaged in by folks whose D/s relationships are part-time. While we do sometimes have full-on scenes where everybody is dressed to impress and the Official Kinky Toys get used, more often I will integrate little mini-scenes into our everyday lives. And last night was one of them.

We were sitting together in the living room. Tia had just finished a video game and I was catching up on some emails and texting with my husband. And I was taken by a whim to let my slutty slavegirl have a little fun...but in a sissy-appropriate way, of course!

So I told him to go fetch a pouf and some lipgloss, and to put on something pretty for me. He left the room obediently, casting me a beseeching look as he walked away, and returned a few minutes later wearing an ivory satin slip (decorated with a tiny pink rosebud!) and carrying the cushion and gloss.

I was sitting with my feet propped up on a small ottoman; I directed him to put the cushion down and kneel before me. When he was on his knees I gestured for him to lean forward so I could apply the berry-flavored gloss. This little act of feminization had him shuddering and closing his eyes, awash in a sea of submissive desire. I could feel the proof of his desire in the growing stiffness in his panties, pressing against my prettily painted toes. This was exactly what I'd intended and I began to caress his sissy cockette with my bare feet.

I teased him while I rubbed, taunting him with his response to me: "horny little slut, look at you...Mistress barely touches you and you're all hard and making a mess in your pretty panties. But you just can't help yourself, can you? You're just a horny little sissy slave who wants to be used all the time, aren't you? You'd like to spend every minute sucking cock and getting fucked, wouldn't you my little slut?"

The nylon fabric of the chemise was pleasurably slippery, sliding easily over his pink satin panties. But I wanted to feel SKIN. So I tucked it up and out of the way, and pulled his panties down in front to expose his dicklet. I grabbed a tub of lotion and smeared a dollop on the soles of my feet.

"Well slut, you're in luck...Mistress is going to let you cum today. But you're gonna do it like a sissy should...rubbing your little cockette worshipfully against my feet until you shoot your sissy cream all over them. And then you will lick them clean, and swallow every drop. Because a cocksucking sissy slave like you has to learn to eat cum too, doesn't she?"

I guided him in sliding his sensitive flesh between the soles of my feet, and pressed them together harder, toying with MY property. I could feel him throbbing and he thrust against me, moaning.

"You can cum tonight, my little sissy, but ONLY if you can manage to do it like this, humping Mistress' feet while she chats with someone else on her laptop. And you better make it quick too slut, or I might get bored and order you to stop. Because the ONLY reason you're allowed this pleasure is for my amusement, isn't that right whore? You're my property now and EVERYTHING about you belongs to me, including your orgasms."

"This is what your life will be like from now on my pretty little fucktoy. There'll be no NORMAL sex for you ever again. In fact, you'll be lucky if I don't lock that little cockette up in a chastity cage, where you can't even touch it. From now on sex for you means getting fucked or sucking dick, or sometimes...if you're lucky...being allowed to cum, like this, for your Mistress' amusement."

And he did.

It was wicked cool, feeling him pulsing against my soles as he shot his load. And he's soooo sensitive after cumming; I'm sure it was a special sort of torture to have me squashing it between my feet at just that moment. **evilgrin**

There was quite a lot of it too, and he grimaced hugely while doing the job. But my slut obediently licked every last drop of sissy spunk off my feet and ankles.

And then we went right back to what we were doing, hehehe!