The 'Master' Fantasy

Probably one of my hottest, reoccurring fantasies is the "master/boyfriend" fantasy.

In it, my Mistress chooses a dominant male friend of hers to rule over me in her absence, whenever she is not presently using me and I am available for service. I am sent to his house regularly, to be fully femmed and obedient. There I am his to use in every way...and Mistress will know if I am not a good girl. Pictures/videos are taken to ensure my compliance and for her to review my performance. More than likely, I am kept in chastity to further induce my femmed and kept state of mind.

Its an extreme forced bi fantasy really. Its the thought of being so much under Mistress's control that I am like a puppet dancing to her strings, even if I am miles away. Its about *her* power, *not* just 'an excuse for bi sex' as people outside the fetish do not seem to understand. Cheap armchair psychology, if you ask me.

I honestly do not look at other men at all and find them attractive, so I dont consider myself 'bi' in its purest sense--you know, as if I found both sexes equally attractive and desirable naturally. I have a bi side, no question, but its not the default setting in my head, if you follow me. Context is everything.

What makes me melt is the force. The surrender. The thought that someone (better yet, multiple someones!) finds me sexy enough as a submissive sissy that they ensnare me and trap me and wrap me up in chains both physical, mental and emotional that there is no way out, even if I wanted to. To be kept, forcibly kept in that state of sweet submission...bliss. Total bliss.

My 'first time' for forced bi play was years ago, and I've had plenty of 'adventures' since then.....but it still hasn't lost its power to make me blush and squirm and go weak in the knees...

Why "Forced Bi"?

My sexuality has evolved over the years. I've examined and reexamined my psyche to figure out what makes me tick because I like to know the why's of things.

I'm comfortable enough now to admit I have a bi-side...but...it has to be in context. Just looking at a guy doesn't do anything for me (although pretty sissies and shemales most definitely does!) but if I am feminized and submissive and under control, ie being 'forced' to do so I squirm and ache and yearn for it with all of my sissy heart.

The outside and cynical observer will and has claimed that 'forced bi', like 'forced fem', is just an excuse the submissive male needs to act out bi or gay tendencies to alleviate any guilt or shame the male may feel from those tendencies. A way for the psyche to rationalize what he is doing. And for some male subs, for all I know that may even be the case. But I think its wrong to generalize and thereby dismiss fetish people like this: put them all in some pat and easy to understand box. I think reality is a lot more complex than this.

I can't speak for all subs, but I can speak for myself, and I know its nowhere near that simple. My sexuality...my submissiveness, my forced fem desires, my forced bi, they all derive from a deep need to be wanted. Loved. Secure. If someone goes to all of that trouble to keep me (feminize, dominate, enslave) and not let me go, they must REALLY really want me. And my inner self feels warm and safe and loved.

Everything else--the dressing, the rituals, the protocols etc etc are just externalizations of that deep basic human need. The means to an end.

When I was a child my mind made the equation that being kept in female clothes was just like bondage. Put me in a dress, take my male clothes away, and I'm helpless to run away, I'm trapped. As I grew older these sexual thoughts evolved, almost like a natural progression. Being dressed up was only one layer of mental bondage...being forced to act the part of female, to pretend my male side did not even exist was another. To surrender my sexuality, be taken with a strap-on dildo was another.

To be forced to submit to a real man...only the next logical step. How far down the rabbit hole can I go, how many more mental chains can be wrapped around me to increase those feelings of being loved and wanted and kept.

To be wanted that much....by men AND women? *shivers*

It took years for my sexuality to evolve to this point. Things that started as the deepest darkest fantasies of my teenage years now come to full bloom as an adult as I began to live some of them out.

I am at my happiest when I am fully feminized and subservient and being dominated and controlled. Owned. It is the hottest, most erotic thing in the world to me as well as the warmest, safest mindspace I can be in. The further down the rabbit hole, the happier I am.

Its utterly utterly addicting. If I didn't have to slave away in the real world I would live like this, if I could.

So yes...I can admit now, I am bi. In context. In the outer world? No, I am not. But as Tia?

Fuck yes. *deep red blush*

Tia wants not only to suck cock and be fucked by one, she wants to be seduced by a man. Touched all over by one, caressed, held down, overpowered by one. Kissed. Long, deep kisses where I melt into it and feel myself far down in that deep mindspace of being so utterly and beautifully feminized that I am lovingly imprisoned in that role. I want to feel strong hands trace their way all around every curve of my body. To surrender, body and soul. Feel that hot hard cock on my asscheeks...shiver with the knowledge that *I*...me of all people!..made him hard and am about to be fucked..

Call him Master.

I want to feel pretty and desired by a man. Even though I know I'm not and nowhere near passable, I need to feel it. To try to believe that someone else thinks I am. To be wanted and kept this way.

That's the heart of the fetish to me. So far down the rabbit hole, to become a wanted and kept sextoy to both men and women, to fulfill that basic desire to be desired.

My own sissy heaven.

Figurative ass-kissing

I call written worship, things like letters of adoration, "figurative ass kissing". You know, as opposed to literal ass kissing, which would be when someone's face is pressed against my ass, lavishing it with kisses and licks and...you get the picture.

I like both kinds and Tia has standing orders to send me a written thank-you at certain times. Like every time I use him sexually, whether he's allowed to cum or not. It's like the dom equivalent of maintenance spankings for me. Waking up to this in my inbox helps keep me in my happy place:

Just wanted to write and thank you for using my slutty body last night Mistress... Oh...ohhhh it felt so good to be fucked by you, to give you an orgasm with your cock buried deep inside my slutty ass. It was so hard to not cum myself... I cannot remember the last time I was allowed to cum even remotely close to being a 'real man'. For the past few months I think I haven't been, and my body is being retrained to only have sex as your girl....and that thought makes me squirm and ache and shiver. It felt so powerful last night...you grabbing my hips, my hair, taking me roughly, leaving me no doubt that I was your bitch and you are in charge. And all I can do is sit here and ache for more today... --your sissy

Becoming Her bitch

Sometimes during play (although the splitting hairs side of me hates to call it that, because the word doesn't do it justice) things happen between Mistress and I that are just...indescribable. Too powerful, maybe even too personal for words.

In the interest of making my Mistress smile upon reading this, I am going to try.

Last weekend started out as, quite frankly, a bit of a disappointment. We went to Fetish Circuit that Saturday night more out of obligation rather than a desire to go. Neither Mistress or myself cares much for the club scene, where there are too many people, too much noise, and very little actual play going on. :P

So we get to Sunday without really having done anything or had much time together. I was decidedly UN-glamourous that day, not really feminized at all, no makeup, not even bodyshaved. A pink tshirt and matching panties was all I had on, the proper attire for a lazy day with Mistress.

And it was a pretty lazy day, almost vanilla even. But as the evening went on, and as I rubbed her feet and legs with lotion, Mistress decides she wants to use me and takes me back to the bedroom.

She has me crawl in bed beside her to pleasure her breasts with my mouth, has me rub my nipples against hers--just as if I was her girlfriend. At this point I'm aching to please her, be used by her, to do anything at all in the world for her. And she knows it.

"I want to fuck you, sissy slave,." She growls. And I know without even being told that she doesn't mean using my cockette at all.

I lie there on my back, watching her put the strap-on dildo on, feeling this...deep feeling of surrender course through my body. That this is my fate, and I should accept it, surrender to it. I am her fucktoy and plaything, and if it should please her to use me as a girl then I will be her girl, now and forever.

She tells me to stay on my back, has me pull down my panties, spread my legs wide and in the air...omg...she's really going to fuck me like a girl! We've never done this before.

She teases me, rubs the larger strap-on against my smaller cockette as if mocking it, reenforcing the fact that I am not a man anymore (in the usual sense of it) and that i will never experience 'normal' sex as a man ever again. She lubes up and enters me without much difficulty at all...ohhhhh goddd.....

And it feels amazing. To be taken by Mistress, I felt swept away in the feelings of submission and...a kind of deep mental feminization, and the incredible physical sensation of her fucking me, my cockette rubbing between us.

I melted under the physical and mental feelings, I wanted nothing more than to be fucked like that by her forever. If she had demanded it I would have agreed with all my body, heart and soul to surrender my cockette to permanent chastity in exchange to only having my sexual pleasure given at the end of her dildo. I felt myself wanting to cum...cum from being fucked in the ass! And it took effort not to let myself go when all I wanted was to just give into the sheer animal inside me, and cum all over the place. I wanted her to rape me...and moved my wrists underneath her hands for her to hold down..

Oh my...

It was beautiful.

I have been daydreaming of it all week. When we were finished, my legs were all rubbery and trembling. It was one of the most intense submissive experiences I had ever had and I ache so badly for more.

And oh god I want more. I want Mistress to take me down the road to deeper submission, enslave me, feminize me, push my limits of pain & humiliation for her pleasure, to kneel at her feet and surrender my body, heart & soul to her.

So....*blushes* that's what today's picture post is all about...its not from the evening I've been describing (Its from the night Mistress and I made the "Blonde Sissy beauty gets FUCKED!" video) but it definitely gives a sense of the...intensity of it.

I am Her bitch, and its all I ever want to be.

Submission: its not always easy

I'm fully aware, believe me, of how fortunate I am to be the collared sissy slave to Mistress Erisiana Cherie. I live a life that sometimes resembles a porn movie, or a piece of sissy fiction. I serve (occasionally) her husband; am toyed with and teased by his submissive girl; attend rather naughty play parties and go to dungeons and clubs. I've had experiences I never, ever in my wildest dreams that I thought would ever come true.

But submission is not always like a porn movie. Sometimes its hard, difficult, frustrating (in the bad sense). Sometimes there are arguments, misunderstandings. Sometimes real life just gets in the way.

I find myself slightly suspicious when I see blog/forum entries that's basically describe a 24/7 porn movie BDSM lifestyle where everyone seems to be in everyone else's pants all the time. No one seems to have job or child responsibilities, or ever seems get tired, ill, or just not in the mood.

Kind of like how you almost never see characters on tv or movies go to the bathroom. :P

And yet, I myself have a life that others may disbelieve as well. Which I really wouldn't blame them--sometimes I don't believe it myself!

But there are times *I* am 'not in the mood', emotionally or physically. And at times like this...submission is hard. I'm not in the headspace I should be in, I'm not serving my Mistress as well as I could, as well as she deserves.

Such a time happened just the other night.

I was out of town, on business, all alone in a cheap hotel without even a working tv set. I don't want to say what I do for a living, but just know that its on the very low end of a blue collar job, it doesn't pay the greatest, the hours are long and physically demanding. It sometimes involves getting up long before dawn to drive a hundred miles away or more, working a long tiring day, driving back to catch a few hours sleep before doing it all over again.

Mistress knows this, and understands this. She is so loving and generous in heart and patience. But sometimes she makes a point of establishing her control of me when she knows it isn't easy for me. Indeed, that's more than likely why she does it. But knowing that doesn't exactly make it easy at the time.

So I was out of town, kind of worn out from the day. I had thought about having a relaxing swim in the hotel pool, then doing a bit of reading before calling it a night. I was missing Mistress...I always miss her during my workweeks, and being so far out of town only made it worse. I wrote her a email on my phone, then stripped naked and took a photo of myself, kneeling and kissing my necklace-collar to send to her as a surprise, because I knew she was missing me as well.

She enjoyed the photo and appreciated the gesture. A little too much, because it was then an evil little lightbulb went off in her head and she decided on the spot to do some long distance training via text messages.

Its here that I might lose some of you reading this, particularly unattached submissives who might think me crazy or ungrateful for not fully appreciating Mistress taking the time to toy with me. All I can say is that this is real life, its a real relationship, and I think its unrealistic if not impossible to expect two people in that relationship to be always raring to go, 24/7.

Mistress ordered me to look through the phone book for any adult stores or adult theaters in the area. "Oh God," I thought. "Please Mistress, no..I am so tired and I don't like where this is going..please don't send me out to some strange porn store to do God-knows-what when I'm out here on company business. Suppose I'm caught? Suppose I'm fired?"

All the raced through my mind but I obeyed, on my knees in the hotel room going through the phone book, wearing only my pink panties and a towel that she had me wrap around my chest--like a woman might to cover her breasts after a shower.

She had me edge twice while looking for listings, to 'put your mind in the proper place'.

I was more than a bit relieved to tell her, truthfully, that there were no adult listings. Apparently that part of central Florida is in the ultra-religious anti-adult-anything part of the state, where consenting adults making perfectly legal adult movies of themselves can be arrested by police with apparently nothing better else to do.

NOT the best place in the world to be going out and doing naughty stuff to begin with, let alone when one is there on business! :P

Mistress seemed to accept this, although via the internet, she did find some adult strip club 50 miles away from me. No please no. She then asked if there was a Walgreens or something near me. Yes Mistress, I admitted, (not liking where this was going either), there is a Walgreens near me.

"Then, my little chickenshit sissy, BEG ME to be allowed to go buy some sissy supplies--some lipgloss, pantyhose, condoms & lube--INSTEAD of being forced to go to a porn store to expose yourself like the sissy you really are!"

I cringed. I didn't like this idea either. In fact, while safer for me it would also be more embarrassing--being outted as a perv out and about among vanilla people.

I knew I would have no choice but to obey. The hour was growing later and later...it was already too late for a swim; I knew I would have to get to bed early to get up the next day, the longer I resisted the inevitable or tried to beg my way out of it the longer it would take. I felt her will break me down, felt that evil smile on her face.

Yes Mistress.

I dressed quickly, my mind all abuzz with conflicting thoughts and feelings--arousal at her dominance and humiliation of me, annoyance, aggravation, and even a flash of anger at her horrible (in my opinion at the time) sense of timing--fucking with me a hundred miles away when I knew that she knew I was so tired and not wanting to play.

I got to the store, it was just a minute or two away. texted her that I was about to be outted as a pervert for her amusement, then went in.

I was so nervous and jittery...I *really* do not like public exposure at all, and I knew, damnit, that this would only attract MORE attention to myself. I furtively darted aisle to aisle in the cosmetics section. A woman employee WOULD be organizing the lipstick section at that moment, of course. :P Just my luck.

I agonized over what to do for several minutes...I couldn't tell what was lipgloss and what was lipstick from the next aisle over, and its not like I have a whole lot of experience shopping in the makeup section to start with.

I lucked out, as behind me in a whole section on its on was some Burt's Bees lipgloss. (Although I'm not sure if it counted, as it seems to be more of a lip BALM) Ignorance is bliss and a reasonable defense, I decided, and grabbed the tube of lip-something and continued my quest to embarrass myself.

I was angry by this point and more than a little rebellious. Despite my pleas, Mistress would not help me by telling me where to find lipgloss, what size of pantyhose to get. I was NOT going to buy lube, I decided. I grabbed lubed condoms instead. Two birds with one stone.

The pantyhose. Ah hell.

A quick peek around the corner told me that the woman employee was kind of involved in what she was doing down the aisle by the lipsticks: I *should* be safe enough to dash forward and grab a box of pantyhose without attracting too much attention. What size? What color? ARRRGH.....

Fuck it. I darted forward and grabbed the first box I saw that said 4X. I wasn't sure if it would fit (it was a bit tight later) but I'm not about to be caught browsing different pairs of pantyhose.

Now the checkout line. 'Damn you', I messaged to my gleeful Mistress.

I got through the line, cute perky checkout girl and all, and with a 'Have a good night Sir!' ringing in my ears I was out the door!

And a nervous wreck by this point. :P

Nervous and fuming with anger, I managed to drive PAST my hotel and had to do a u-turn and then another u-turn on the divided road to get back, half-convinced I would get in some sort of accident at the way my luck was going.

I make it back to my room and tell her that I have succeeded, Oh Vile One.

She has me strip and put the pantyhose and lipgloss on, then has me kneel on my bed and suck on the end of my hairbrush as if it were a real cock.

*bright blush* Ok, I admit it, the anger had faded by this point. I had fallen into her spell as she KNEW I would. I was turned on and ready to obey, wanting to please her.

Eventually she had me rip the pantyhose apart, front and back, and fuck my ass with the brush while humping the bed until I came in my panties. I used a lubed condom on the brush and thrust it in and out a little bit, not exactly enthusiastically.

And when it was done I was finally given permission to go to bed, spending the night in my soiled panties.

The point of all of this rambling--other than to hopefully entertain and amuse Mistress when she reads this--is really just to illustrate real-life submission as opposed to porno movie submission. Its not always easy, and can be aggravating at times when it conflicts with real life demands. It can, and has been, emotionally painful on occasion (which I doubt I will ever talk about here).

I'm pretty sure she KNEW I wasn't in the mood, could tell my resistance a hundred miles away. She can read me like a book, from the workings of my crazed neurotic little mind to the depths of my heart.

She knew I would obey her in spite of it all. That's why she did it, to let me feel owned by her, to feel her foot on the back of my neck from the other side of the state.

And I love her for it.

She knew that as well.

Damn her. *soft smile*

Sissy cummies

Playtime in a 24/7 relationship is a little different from that engaged in by folks whose D/s relationships are part-time. While we do sometimes have full-on scenes where everybody is dressed to impress and the Official Kinky Toys get used, more often I will integrate little mini-scenes into our everyday lives. And last night was one of them.

We were sitting together in the living room. Tia had just finished a video game and I was catching up on some emails and texting with my husband. And I was taken by a whim to let my slutty slavegirl have a little fun...but in a sissy-appropriate way, of course!

So I told him to go fetch a pouf and some lipgloss, and to put on something pretty for me. He left the room obediently, casting me a beseeching look as he walked away, and returned a few minutes later wearing an ivory satin slip (decorated with a tiny pink rosebud!) and carrying the cushion and gloss.

I was sitting with my feet propped up on a small ottoman; I directed him to put the cushion down and kneel before me. When he was on his knees I gestured for him to lean forward so I could apply the berry-flavored gloss. This little act of feminization had him shuddering and closing his eyes, awash in a sea of submissive desire. I could feel the proof of his desire in the growing stiffness in his panties, pressing against my prettily painted toes. This was exactly what I'd intended and I began to caress his sissy cockette with my bare feet.

I teased him while I rubbed, taunting him with his response to me: "horny little slut, look at you...Mistress barely touches you and you're all hard and making a mess in your pretty panties. But you just can't help yourself, can you? You're just a horny little sissy slave who wants to be used all the time, aren't you? You'd like to spend every minute sucking cock and getting fucked, wouldn't you my little slut?"

The nylon fabric of the chemise was pleasurably slippery, sliding easily over his pink satin panties. But I wanted to feel SKIN. So I tucked it up and out of the way, and pulled his panties down in front to expose his dicklet. I grabbed a tub of lotion and smeared a dollop on the soles of my feet.

"Well slut, you're in luck...Mistress is going to let you cum today. But you're gonna do it like a sissy should...rubbing your little cockette worshipfully against my feet until you shoot your sissy cream all over them. And then you will lick them clean, and swallow every drop. Because a cocksucking sissy slave like you has to learn to eat cum too, doesn't she?"

I guided him in sliding his sensitive flesh between the soles of my feet, and pressed them together harder, toying with MY property. I could feel him throbbing and he thrust against me, moaning.

"You can cum tonight, my little sissy, but ONLY if you can manage to do it like this, humping Mistress' feet while she chats with someone else on her laptop. And you better make it quick too slut, or I might get bored and order you to stop. Because the ONLY reason you're allowed this pleasure is for my amusement, isn't that right whore? You're my property now and EVERYTHING about you belongs to me, including your orgasms."

"This is what your life will be like from now on my pretty little fucktoy. There'll be no NORMAL sex for you ever again. In fact, you'll be lucky if I don't lock that little cockette up in a chastity cage, where you can't even touch it. From now on sex for you means getting fucked or sucking dick, or sometimes...if you're lucky...being allowed to cum, like this, for your Mistress' amusement."

And he did.

It was wicked cool, feeling him pulsing against my soles as he shot his load. And he's soooo sensitive after cumming; I'm sure it was a special sort of torture to have me squashing it between my feet at just that moment. **evilgrin**

There was quite a lot of it too, and he grimaced hugely while doing the job. But my slut obediently licked every last drop of sissy spunk off my feet and ankles.

And then we went right back to what we were doing, hehehe!

Tia's sissy curriculum

I thought some of you might be interested in hearing details of tia's current sissy training protocol. Bear in mind that this is an evolving thing!

Currently tia is "studying" two subjects: Cooking 103 and Essentials of Feminine Style.

For the first subject, Cooking 103, she is focusing on salads. Mistress is trying to eat better, and tia has been charged with helping in that by keeping her supplied with gourmet salads. She is to make a large salad (enough to feed Mistress' entire family) every couple of days. She has to shop for fresh ingredients and research new recipes so Mistress doesn't get bored. Sometimes Mistress wishes a specific sort of salad and tia has to satisfy her request.

Tia is graded on each salad, and will receive a report card at the end of the term. Mistress is generous and does not mark off if the dish is less than tasty, but tia is expected to show decided improvement in her cooking skills each term OR ELSE.

(And yes, there was a Cooking 101 and 102!)

The second subject covers everything a girl needs to know to be ~girly~ , from how to pluck her eyebrows & paint her nails to choosing clothes that are flattering.

She's graded on individual assignments as with the salads but her assignments are much more varied. And while the fetish appeal is obvious, these assignments also have the ulterior purpose of training her to be more useful to me as a lady's maid. For instance, her past few assignments have been to choose, from my crossdressing closet, outfits that meet a particular set of requirements.

This not only saves me time and effort as her Mistress (a self-dressing sissy is a labor saving device!); it acquaints her with the contents of my closet and with unfamiliar fashion terminology at the same time. So that sometime down the road I will be able to say "slut, go fetch me my pink silk chemise with the frogs on the sides, and some stockings to go with it" and she will know what the hell I am talking about, and be able to obey without fuss!

There are other expectations tia is also expected to meet - like keeping her house/my studio clean, and writing worshipful emails to me - but she's not graded on them the way she is on her "sissy academics". Her punishments for not performing well in these areas can be much more intense and personal.

As I said this system is still evolving. Its present form is basically a response to two things. First, tia came into my service completely clueless about things like cooking, cleaning, and fashion. So it's pretty important to me to teach her what she needs to learn to be really USEFUL to me.

But my current method has also evolved in response to conflicts tia and I have had over these things. I need to feel that she's making sincere efforts to improve in these skills. And she needs to feel like her efforts are being noticed & appreciated, that she's getting credit for the work she does. Having clearly defined & graded courses of study works for both of us.

And it has some value in inspiring naughty Headmistress/student fantasies too. ;D