Why "Forced Bi"?

My sexuality has evolved over the years. I've examined and reexamined my psyche to figure out what makes me tick because I like to know the why's of things.

I'm comfortable enough now to admit I have a bi-side...but...it has to be in context. Just looking at a guy doesn't do anything for me (although pretty sissies and shemales most definitely does!) but if I am feminized and submissive and under control, ie being 'forced' to do so I squirm and ache and yearn for it with all of my sissy heart.

The outside and cynical observer will and has claimed that 'forced bi', like 'forced fem', is just an excuse the submissive male needs to act out bi or gay tendencies to alleviate any guilt or shame the male may feel from those tendencies. A way for the psyche to rationalize what he is doing. And for some male subs, for all I know that may even be the case. But I think its wrong to generalize and thereby dismiss fetish people like this: put them all in some pat and easy to understand box. I think reality is a lot more complex than this.

I can't speak for all subs, but I can speak for myself, and I know its nowhere near that simple. My sexuality...my submissiveness, my forced fem desires, my forced bi, they all derive from a deep need to be wanted. Loved. Secure. If someone goes to all of that trouble to keep me (feminize, dominate, enslave) and not let me go, they must REALLY really want me. And my inner self feels warm and safe and loved.

Everything else--the dressing, the rituals, the protocols etc etc are just externalizations of that deep basic human need. The means to an end.

When I was a child my mind made the equation that being kept in female clothes was just like bondage. Put me in a dress, take my male clothes away, and I'm helpless to run away, I'm trapped. As I grew older these sexual thoughts evolved, almost like a natural progression. Being dressed up was only one layer of mental bondage...being forced to act the part of female, to pretend my male side did not even exist was another. To surrender my sexuality, be taken with a strap-on dildo was another.

To be forced to submit to a real man...only the next logical step. How far down the rabbit hole can I go, how many more mental chains can be wrapped around me to increase those feelings of being loved and wanted and kept.

To be wanted that much....by men AND women? *shivers*

It took years for my sexuality to evolve to this point. Things that started as the deepest darkest fantasies of my teenage years now come to full bloom as an adult as I began to live some of them out.

I am at my happiest when I am fully feminized and subservient and being dominated and controlled. Owned. It is the hottest, most erotic thing in the world to me as well as the warmest, safest mindspace I can be in. The further down the rabbit hole, the happier I am.

Its utterly utterly addicting. If I didn't have to slave away in the real world I would live like this, if I could.

So yes...I can admit now, I am bi. In context. In the outer world? No, I am not. But as Tia?

Fuck yes. *deep red blush*

Tia wants not only to suck cock and be fucked by one, she wants to be seduced by a man. Touched all over by one, caressed, held down, overpowered by one. Kissed. Long, deep kisses where I melt into it and feel myself far down in that deep mindspace of being so utterly and beautifully feminized that I am lovingly imprisoned in that role. I want to feel strong hands trace their way all around every curve of my body. To surrender, body and soul. Feel that hot hard cock on my asscheeks...shiver with the knowledge that *I*...me of all people!..made him hard and am about to be fucked..

Call him Master.

I want to feel pretty and desired by a man. Even though I know I'm not and nowhere near passable, I need to feel it. To try to believe that someone else thinks I am. To be wanted and kept this way.

That's the heart of the fetish to me. So far down the rabbit hole, to become a wanted and kept sextoy to both men and women, to fulfill that basic desire to be desired.

My own sissy heaven.

It don't matter if you're black or white

I have to admit to a little twinge of white liberal angst at seeing all of the 'sissy white cuckold to Dominant Black Male' fantasy stuff on tumblr, and the net.

Is it because the sissy who is fantasizing this scenario has a bit of a racist streak, and the black man in the fantasy is playing to the humiliation fetish? Kind of a reverse-racism?

Of course, with my own fetish interest in feminization I am perfectly aware that I myself can be accused of being misogynistic--that I see that the wearing of women's clothes as demeaning.

I don't, incidentally. Embarrassing yes, demeaning no. For me and my own fetish makeup its about being beautiful...feminization as a means of worship and enslavement. My hangups are more based in insecurity rather than sexism...I've examined the insides of my own head at some length.

So, I admit I live in a glass house as well. I'm not going to throw stones at anyone else's fetish: perhaps the explanation for it is something other than racism and I just don't understand.

The above illustration would be hot to me regardless of the colors involved. Forced bi at the hands of a Dominant Woman is a major hot button for me, guaranteed to cause much erotic squirming every time. And yes, I'm sure that can be picked apart by politically minded activist types into something far more negative than it actually is: such people like to argue for arguing's sake and appear to have too much free time on their hands to pontificate about them endlessly.

I often wonder about people who spend so much time and energy arguing over porn, of all things. With all that is wrong in the world, the cause that makes them so passionate is PORN?? Their lives must be blissfully free of problems for such a trivial thing to be the big motivator in their life.

I've actually had the good fortune to have been playmates once with a lovely black girl (I miss you Shy!) and race was never a part of it. We'd joke and giggle about it a bit, but it was never part of our play at all. She was a hot young girl who enjoyed teasing and tormenting me with my Mistress: I was just a toy, and friend.

And to me that's as it should be.

Analysing my fetish, continued

Sometime in my late 20's I said to myself "fuck it; the only people I'm hurting are figments of my imagination". I decided that I deserved sexual satisfaction as much as anybody else, even if my fantasies WERE exactly what my feminist peers hated most. I decided that I was an honorable, ethical person, and that I did not need to live my life ruled by the moral exhortations of people who obviously cared more about controlling my thoughts than about my actual well-being. I decided that I wanted to fucking well enjoy my fantasies for a change.

And that was when understanding began to dawn on me. Before this point I would have insisted that I viewed these scenes from outside, as if watching a movie, and that I wasn't in any role. Now I could see that I was MUCH more interested in the aggressor's perspective, imagining in minute detail what they said, did, & felt. I realized first that I was not, in fact, ever interested in mentally playing the part of the victimized girl, but that I totally got into the part of the raping man. Or, more accurately, the role of the men. ALL of them, simultaneously. Which is impossible in the real world, yes? And so the second thing I realized was that the sheer physical impossibility of my fantasies was important to me. It was significant that my role in the scene was as the sort of big, hairy, masculine guy that I had no interest in being (or shagging). It was significant that I often mentally played the part of a whole GROUP of these guys. It was significant that I also loved things like Japanese tentacle porn which were equally impossible.

It would be easy to assume that my rape fantasies have male aggressors and female victims because we live in a culture where women are shat on. That IS the feminist party line, isn't it? Nowadays the dogma goes so far as to call this a "rape culture". (And that assumption was a HUGE part of why I felt unable to talk about my fetish with anyone. A huge part of why I still avoid talking about it.) But that explanation just doesn't ring true for me. As I said I grew up in a household headed by a strong woman who ruled over us all, including her husband. I was taught that girls could do anything they wanted to, including have free & satisfying sex lives, and that equality between the sexes was the order of the day. And I lived by that teaching too. For instance, in 99% of my relationships I've been the one who made the first move toward sex. Heck, I'm accustomed to making the first move even in asking for a date. And maybe I've been freakishly lucky but I've had dozens of male lovers and never yet encountered one who was NOT greatly interested in my pleasure. In my world women have always been free sexual agents.

So yeah, the idea that my mind fixed on these archetypes because of some underlying belief that woman=victim simply does not hold water. But we also live in a culture where MEN are presumed to be victimizers. Even the 'good guys' are supposedly only a hair's breadth from turning into predators at any time. That is the message sent by things like the ubiquitous falsehood "1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted". It's the basis of the entire "rape culture" theory. And women, according to this dogma - the dogma that I grew up with, remember - are supposedly so morally superior that they would never, ever be sadistic rapists.

Take that message - that only men are capable of being sexually sadistic, and women are never rapists - and layer it with the usual prohibitions against ANY violence, and it hardly seems surprising that I might have had difficulty coming to terms with being a sexually sadistic woman. The funny thing is, I haven't ever really felt any of the agonizing guilt about 'abusing' people I like that seems so common with other doms. I figure its because my subconscious did this neat little trick, and turned my darkest fantasies into something that relied on it's own impossibility. I don't want to be a big, hairy, brutal guy. I don't want to be any guy. And thus on a very basic level I never worry that I'll go too far in realizing my dark dreams, because I never could!

This all makes even more sense when taking into account my disposition. If I had a D&D orientation it would be 'lawful good'. In a way you could say I play the role of an impossible villain because I can't imagine myself as the villain.

Now if all this sounds like I'm anti-feminist you've got the wrong idea. To repeat what I've said several times already - I grew up believing very strongly in the ideal of equality among all sexes/genders. I STILL HAVE those ideals. I think this sense of justice is at the heart of at least one part of my kink. But I've also had a pile of life experiences that've led me to doubt some of the feminist dogma I was taught. And in this case it makes a whole lot more sense to me to think of my fetish as being a response to negative messages I absorbed about men rather than negative messages I absorbed about women.

A self-protective twist of my subconscious elegantly accounts for the gender oddity in my fantasies. But I believe the core need expressed in them is a need for CONTROL. In many ways I was not in control when I was growing up. I guess this is true for every child, but perhaps more than usual in my family. And knowing the extent of my drive to control things (including non-sexual things) nowadays it makes perfect sense. My fantasies in the end are all about control.

And this final realization illuminates yet another facet of my fetish. You know how they say 'rape is not about sex, it's about control'? (Another one of those items of dogma I grew up with.) Well, in a way the girl in my fantasies IS also me, even while I consciously inhabit the role of the man/men. They are all symbolic figures constructed by my psyche. And the dramatic enactment of the rape itself symbolically represents me controlling my own sexuality.

That about sums it up for an analysis of my fetish. But it's really only the beginning of analyzing my sexuality. This entire essay has been about what was going on inside my head though the years; it says very little about my behaviors. It doesn't explain, for instance, how I got into sex work...how I became a domme...what I get out of forced feminization...or a lot of other things one might wonder about. This fetish is like the keystone of an arch: it's central to my sexuality but it's meaningless without all the other building blocks. I aim to try putting all the rest into words as well, but considering this bit took me weeks to compose I recommend not holding your breath in waiting for the next installment. :p

Analysing My Fetish

Tia's recent bout of self-analysis has prompted me to try doing the same for my own kink(s). I have so far avoided doing so because I feel like it's just too complicated to be able to express. I'm sure that people will focus on one thread of what is really a big tangled mass and miss the larger picture I mean to convey. And frankly, I don't feel like the general public has any claim to this kind of intimacy with me; I'm very comfortable sharing my body but the deep, dark corners of my mind belong to me alone.

But there are other things I want very much to say that will make a lot more sense after I fill in this backstory. So {deep breath} here goes..

I think I need to begin by talking about my fetish. I have a rape fetish. And I don't mean a fetish in the sense of 'something I like a lot that gets me really turned on'. I mean in the CLINICAL sense: something that I cannot achieve sexual satisfaction without. Something that has to be there for me to have an orgasm.

(Complication #1 - I don't know how common this is, but I know I'm not the only woman who has different sorts of orgasms from different kinds of stimulation. I have at least four kinds of orgasms. But my clitoral orgasms are like steak while the others are more like strawberries: they're all tasty but one leaves me satiated wheras the others aren't really filling unless I have a whole bunch of them, and then I'm hungry again soon.

When I speak of not being able to achieve orgasm without my fetish involved it's clitoral orgasms I'm talking about. And while I enjoy the other sorts very much, it's the clitoral orgasms I need to have to feel truly satisfied.)

I hope it goes without saying that I do not need to actually rape anybody to be satisfied. But I do need to be mentally focused on a certain kind of fantasy. The exact elements of these fantasies varies, but they generally involve some poor, helpless, innocent girl being sadistically raped and tortured by one or (more often) a whole gang of vicious men. And here we come to complication #2: the gender kink.

My fetish is something that has been a part of my sexuality for as long as I can remember, from the time I was a pre-adolescent dressing my Barbie dolls up in clothes made of paper towels so that Ken could tear them off her. But I didn't figure out until I was almost 30 that when I played these scenes out in my mind I was always in the role of the man.

It's not that I was sexually unsophisticated or inexperienced either. I was often the most lustfully adventurous person among my peers. In fact, sometimes I look back and wonder how the heck it took me so long to figure this shit out. But on the other hand, considering all the societal factors that come into play I suppose it makes sense.

Perhaps the single biggest obstacle to my understanding was the cultural assumption that one's sexual fantasies directly correlate with what one wants to make real. This assumption is SO prevalent it's difficult for most people, in my experience, to even grasp the idea that some of us are not wired that way, that for some of us the very impossibility of the fantasy is a necessary part of the thrill. It seems pretty obvious that this assumption is what's behind people's objections to "extreme" porn; it is certainly true that this assumption permeates discussions about porn ethics. So just imagine how it was for me as a girl, having grown up in a woman-headed family with STRONG feminist ideals, to be inescapably fixated on sexual fantasies that could not have been any more opposed to those ideals.

I couldn't talk to anyone about them because dude - violent rape fantasies? That I could not reach orgasm without? Yeah; you can imagine how most people would react to that. And I completely didn't understand that I saw myself as the big bad raping MAN either. I'm not only female, I'm femme. I'm very happy with my womanly body and not at all interested in becoming a man. I don't even want to look butch. That meant I MUST want to be the girl in the scene, right?

Right?

Of course not, but a decade or so of hearing about how porn - even ordinary vanilla porn - "objectified" and hurt women, well, that was plenty enough indoctrination to fuck with my ability to know myself. And MORE than enough indoctrination to fuck with my ability to communicate this shit to anyone. So I was left in a state of perpetual guilt, unable to share my whole sexuality with my lovers, unable to talk about it with my friends, unable even to discuss it with the several therapists I saw at various times during those years. I tried, more than once, to exorcise this dark part of myself. To stop 'giving in' to these thoughts that I was convinced were harmful. Which was useless of course.

{to be continued..}

Why am I kinky? Why 'forced fem'? (Part 3)

With the key components of my sexuality in place: that being pretty means positive female attention and love, and that if a woman goes to the trouble to feminize me and keep me prisoner that I am therefore desired and wanted, the rest of my perversions and fetishes start to fall into place as I get older.

At some point in my childhood I had a scrap of black fishnet that was an accessory to a 'Planet of the Apes' toy playset, and I remember absolutely loving the way it felt if I put it on my leg, the way it looked, the way it felt if I kissed it..

I joke about it, but I seriously think popular culture played a role.

Wonder Woman on TV wearing that outfit, tying up people with her golden lasso and forcing them to tell the truth.

Princess Ardala on Buck Rogers, all dominant and imperious, always trying to seduce Buck and make him her submissive consort. I even had an action figure of her that in later years my other action figures would kneel before and kiss her feet!

And of course, Slave Leia in that much beloved and drooled over outfit.

In Leia's case, it wasn't so much a desire to submit to her and be conquered by her (as it was for Ardala & Wonder Woman) it was more a desire to look like her, and be collared and chained and kept.

As I got older, I began to figure out some of these thoughts and fantasies. The discovery of porn magazines gave me a terminology and a frame of reference to figure out who I was, which I've written about before.

I'll just shamelessly steal from myself and quote here:

To me, it wasn't like I made a conscious decision in my head "Oh that sounds hot, I would like to try that someday". It was more of...an epiphany of sorts. A realization deep in my heart, soul, and loins that this is who I am. Feelings and urges inside of me for years before I had even picked up a porno magazine in my life--things that I didn't understand suddenly had names and identities. I was a submissive male. I was into BDSM. I needed to belong to a Mistress. I now had a vocabulary and a frame of reference for these feelings and needs.

From there things kind of progress organically in my sexual development. Childhood fades, the toys and action figures are put away and I'm now fantasizing about these porn letters I'm reading, and oogling girls in class.

Every Halloween was particularly torturous in a sweet kind of way, because inevitably girls at school would come dressed in some outfit involving black fishnets and I used to ache and feel my knees go weak and know deep down in my soul that if any of them had clued in on these feelings in me, and told me to get on my knees before them, I would have been unable to resist!

My kink interests and experience have grown over the years, but some of them just seem to have developed naturally from out of the primary forced feminization fetish. For instance, the interest in strap on dildoes and forced bi.

The interest in strap-on play develops as a natural continuation of the forced fem fetish. Because, after all, if being a kept feminized slave meant that I was unable to escape, how much greater the helplessness and enslavement is if I am forced to act and perform as a female as well. Its all a development and an escalation of the wanting to be kept prisoner (and therefore wanted, desired and secure) part of my psyche.

Forced bi? Also develops naturally, logically even from these same desires. If I am so owned now that my very sexuality is open to whatever my Mistress wishes, it reenforces those mental chains that bind me to her. There has to be that element of force involved, NOT because I need some sort of an 'excuse' to engage in homoerotic activity, but because my insecurity demands I feel wanted and needed and kept as a pretty prisoner and surrendering my sexuality is an extension of that very basic need.

That's why all of the endless back and forth discussion of 'how is forced fem or forced bi really forced' really pisses me off when I see it. Are any other fetishes second guessed and nitpicked this much?? If my fetish was all about being spanked, would I be nitpicked by people saying that, because I consented to and submitted to being spanked, that I wasn't REALLY surrendering control at all?

Its ALL consential activity, or supposed to be, no? And the activity in question--whether it be being dressed as a woman...or made to serve as a pony...or spanked...or whatever the activity happens to actually be that forms one's fetish need, that activity is really only the surface manifestation of the psychological need that particular fetish fulfills. So it doesn't really matter what the fetish actually is, its almost even a kind of side effect.

My needs are to feel wanted and loved and kept secure, your deep needs may be motivated by something else entirely, that other kinkster over there may have the same fetish but different psychological needs than you and I, or a different fetish driven by the same underlying need.

We're all different. Your mileage may vary.

So anyway...that's my kinky psyche as I have come to understand it. As I said in my first entry on this subject, what drives me may and probably is different than what drives you, but hopefully you've been able to relate a little.

Why am I kinky? Why 'forced fem'? (Part 2)

Back to the psychological self-analysis..

I'm not blaming (for lack of a better word) my kinky and perverted nature entirely on my grandmother and my childhood appearance. I think we as people are shaped my the world and our experiences as a whole, and to suppose an immediate cause and effect (ie, my childhood blonde curly hair created my desire to be feminized & enslaved by a woman) is too simplistic and wrong. Its only when you put the pieces of a jigsaw together that they make sense--a piece on its own, isolated from the main picture means nothing.

A big key to my psychology as a whole, not just my kink side, is insecurity. I'm a tad neurotic. Even now, writing this, I feel a small bit of anxiety worrying over if some forum/internet troll will attack me, or, if I will have put all of this time and effort putting myself under the microscope for an interesting and educational piece and no one will read it or give a shit.

Insecurity, low-self esteem, prone to anxieties and depressions. I can coldly and clinically examine my psyche and diagnose myself point by point. Where all of it comes from? I have no idea...like I said previously, I was brought up in a very loving and supportive home. The only real problems in my world came when I was switched from a very sheltered private school where all my classmates were my friends to a rather brutal redneck public school where I suddenly became the nerdy new kid no one liked in the fifth grade. Perhaps all the negative traits stem from there, or perhaps some of it is genetic as mom is rather anxiety-driven as well. I don't know.

How insecurity applies to my kink life is that I feel it is the root need in my psychological profile that kink addresses and fulfills.

My mind had already made the equation that being beautiful equated positive female attention, affection and love. The black hole of being deeply insecure as a person meant that I constantly needed reassurance that I was wanted and desired and loved.

And around this time...before the switch from private to public school actually, I began having this dream.

It was a reoccurring dream, one that I had for several nights. Vivid enough that I remember it to this very day. In the dream, I was kidnapped by a whole gang of giggling girls and taken to this abandoned house. I was overpowered, stripped naked and had all my male clothes thrown away. Then I was dressed up and made up as a girl. This ensured my compliance with their wishes and made sure I would stay a prisoner, because the embarrassment factor of going out in public dressed as a girl meant I could never leave the house, so I was trapped there, forever in the dream.

Then the girls tied me to a chair (doubling down on this whole not letting me get away thing) and took turns kissing me. Just kissing, mind you. I had NO idea what sex was at this age. But the dream made me feel so...tingly. Happy.

This same dream repeated itself several times...and then, several weeks later--almost as if I predicted it--a high school girl on the bus, fed up with my brattyness and smartass remarks threatened to put lipstick on me at the bus stop.

Of course I made a big show of going ohhhhh noooo and running from her as if my life depended on it, but inside a sick sweet thrill was had at the thought of her actually doing it. Of her holding me down helpless and applying lipstick. Outside, I was all "Don't you even!" but inside I was going ohhh yessss please....

The machinery in my head whirred and clicked and came up with the next huge building block in my developing sexuality, really the key to everything that makes me tick as a submissive is that: if a woman goes to all of that trouble to make me her prisoner, to feminize me and put me in bondage to make sure that I cannot escape then she must REALLY REALLY *WANT* me.

This is key, I think. Its *not* about the clothes in and of themselves. Its why I have no desire to dress on my own, and why I do not identify myself as 'trans' anything. Its all about HER. The woman in my fantasies who wants to keep me as her slave, wrapped her little finger forever and ever. It makes me feel sexy, wanted, desired. Deliciously trapped as her pretty pet.

And if I am wanted and desired to that extreme...I have nothing to be insecure about.

More to come...

Why am I kinky? Why 'forced fem'? (Part 1)

Over the years I've spent a good deal of time wondering about why I'm kinky, and why certain things just have always triggered me. The psychology of my own perversions, really. And I'm pretty sure I've figured out the answers, or, at least I'm close.

One big caveat I must make up front in this post is that the observations and generalizations that I make are applicable only to myself. It would be a mistake to apply the same motivations to everyone, even those submissives that share my fetishes and tastes.

Just like its a mistake for those outside of the lifestyle to apply big overreaching explanations to us all. You've heard it all before: Foot fetishists are caused by a parent or sibling stepping on them accidentally as a child, or all crossdressers into forced bi are really just closeted gay men who need an excuse to indulge in what they really want to do. You've seen all kinds of half-baked generalizations like that before I'm sure, both made by people outside the lifestyle as well as (sadly) like-minded armchair psychologists in the lifestyle itself.

I know what applies to me does not apply to everyone. Your own mileage may vary.

So...why am I kinky? It all goes back to childhood, but not back to any life-changing trauma, or abuse, or issues with my parents of any kind of pat easy answer like that. I grew up in a very warm and loving home, with wonderful parents who doted on me. I'm 38 now, so I'm old enough to be part of a generation (perhaps the last generation?) that was raised in a world where it was OK for parents and school officials to 'not spare the rod' and so I received my own fair share of paddlings, even smackings with a belt.

But as I do not have a fetish for any of the corporeal punishment stuff, it seems to have not have had an affect on me at all. As a child, it happened rarely. As a kinky adult, while an over-the-knee spanking does have its appeal I am not a painslut by any means. Instead, I view the application of pain as more of a part of the 'job description' of being a submissive or slave than something I actually actively want or beg for.

I was a beautiful, rather androgynous child the first few years of my life. (Yeah, I know, what happened, right? :P ) My hair was blonde and curly, my features were soft. Looking at old photos of myself pre-kindergarten, you really can't tell gender at all. And oh boy, I got all sorts of approving attention from adult women in those days for it. Touching my hair, saying all sorts of nice things to me, making a fuss. This female approval and attention cannot have NOT had an affect on me.

It also didn't help that during this period in the 70's my grandmother had taken it upon herself to make clothing for me. I don't know if it was for economical reasons or just a hobby, but the end result was a lot of unisex outfits that of course I had to wear. Horrible little unisex pantsuit/jumper things. Which I do NOT have a fetish for, thank you very much. But I think it definitely played a role in how my developing mind saw gender identity. To my young mind, there really was no difference between boys and girls other than girls were prettier and boys enjoyed sports and roughhousing more.

Eventually my features developed more, my hair darkened, my father's genes took hold I guess and the 'beautiful' days were behind me. Which wasn't a disappointment to me at the time: I hated my curls, and I was embarrassed at all the feminine attention. The 'girls have cooties' period in life had begun.

But deep in my subconscious the equation of being beautiful = positive female approval, attention and love had been made.

More to come.

Tia's sissy curriculum

I thought some of you might be interested in hearing details of tia's current sissy training protocol. Bear in mind that this is an evolving thing!

Currently tia is "studying" two subjects: Cooking 103 and Essentials of Feminine Style.

For the first subject, Cooking 103, she is focusing on salads. Mistress is trying to eat better, and tia has been charged with helping in that by keeping her supplied with gourmet salads. She is to make a large salad (enough to feed Mistress' entire family) every couple of days. She has to shop for fresh ingredients and research new recipes so Mistress doesn't get bored. Sometimes Mistress wishes a specific sort of salad and tia has to satisfy her request.

Tia is graded on each salad, and will receive a report card at the end of the term. Mistress is generous and does not mark off if the dish is less than tasty, but tia is expected to show decided improvement in her cooking skills each term OR ELSE.

(And yes, there was a Cooking 101 and 102!)

The second subject covers everything a girl needs to know to be ~girly~ , from how to pluck her eyebrows & paint her nails to choosing clothes that are flattering.

She's graded on individual assignments as with the salads but her assignments are much more varied. And while the fetish appeal is obvious, these assignments also have the ulterior purpose of training her to be more useful to me as a lady's maid. For instance, her past few assignments have been to choose, from my crossdressing closet, outfits that meet a particular set of requirements.

This not only saves me time and effort as her Mistress (a self-dressing sissy is a labor saving device!); it acquaints her with the contents of my closet and with unfamiliar fashion terminology at the same time. So that sometime down the road I will be able to say "slut, go fetch me my pink silk chemise with the frogs on the sides, and some stockings to go with it" and she will know what the hell I am talking about, and be able to obey without fuss!

There are other expectations tia is also expected to meet - like keeping her house/my studio clean, and writing worshipful emails to me - but she's not graded on them the way she is on her "sissy academics". Her punishments for not performing well in these areas can be much more intense and personal.

As I said this system is still evolving. Its present form is basically a response to two things. First, tia came into my service completely clueless about things like cooking, cleaning, and fashion. So it's pretty important to me to teach her what she needs to learn to be really USEFUL to me.

But my current method has also evolved in response to conflicts tia and I have had over these things. I need to feel that she's making sincere efforts to improve in these skills. And she needs to feel like her efforts are being noticed & appreciated, that she's getting credit for the work she does. Having clearly defined & graded courses of study works for both of us.

And it has some value in inspiring naughty Headmistress/student fantasies too. ;D