Smitten Sissy

Last night I was feminized by Mistress, full makeup, skimpy lingerie garters & stockings.

As I was still smooth from bodyshaving the other day it felt so incredible on my skin...it had been too long...felt so pretty...felt so slutty!

My cockette was tucked away in its oh-so-dangerously-tight-feeling chastity cage, not having a role to play the entire night other than add to my frustration.

After giving her a long pedicure she had me get in bed on all fours, then she put me in shackles before putting on her strap-on, which I was forced to lick and suck before she took my sissy ass...

It was...wonderful. Its almost frightening in a 'oh my god how far am I falling down the rabbit hole' sense as to how much she has trained me to her cock this past year...my body welcomes it...responds to it...aches for it...it no longer matters if I have a typical 'male' orgasm or not...I just want to be Her sissy bitch, I just want to surrender to it, give my body to her to use as long or as hard as she wishes, to beg for it like a wanton whore...

*shivers*

Part of my normal slave rules is to write her a thank you letter after every time she uses me. Here is what I wrote this morning:

Thank you Mistress, for taking the time to feminize me so beautifully and allowing me to please you, both with my mouth as well as my sissy ass. It felt so incredible to be fucked by you last night, with my cockette trapped in its little cage I felt like I could be fucked for hours and hours and ached for it, wanting to be made your sissy bitch and just taken and taken over and over again until you came multiple times....

Pity we were too tired for that, I think. ;)

Still squirming and aching today...spent all night all dressed up and made up and in shackles, I didn't even take the makeup off my face until just this morning...

I wanted to stay your pretty pet...

--your squirmy and totally smitten pet

Happy Birthdayversary (tia's thoughts)

It was without a doubt, the most beautiful BDSM 'scene' I have ever been part of.

I hate to even call it a 'scene', as to me it implies a sense of play-acting and fantasy that doesn't do justice to my relationship with my wonderful Mistress. And while Mistress did role-play a bit with me, to me it was all about submission to her body and soul, and of absolute trust. No acting or role-playing on my part was necessary.

I awoke rather groggily after only probably getting 3 hours of sleep or so to find my Mistress's face in front of mine and a plastic knife to my throat warning me to do as I was told and I wouldn't be hurt. Was I still asleep? Was I dreaming? I was blindfolded, gagged and my hands bound behind my back before I fully knew what was going on, taken outside wearing nothing but a sissy tshirt and frilly ruffled panties...omg Im outside!

I was pushed into what I thought was the trunk of Mistress's car at first before figuring out that it was alot roomier than a trunk, that I must be in the back of my own minivan.

And then the van started to move, increasing the 'holy shit' factor a hundredfold. Where were we going? What time was it? What am I in for?

The car ride seemed to take a long, long time, mostly in silence and the slight pain discomfort from my hands being bound so tightly behind me. I had no idea where we were...so many turns, different road surfaces. I remember thinking we were on a gravel-lined country road at some point because of the way the road sounded and how it the vibration of the car floor felt.

Was this all a massive headfuck? Would I be marched back inside my own house?

I didn't put anything past my Mistress. Had she made arrangements to take me by force to some clinic to receive a very humiliating laser hair removal treatment?
Yes, it was the middle of the night (presumably) but I was still very groggy and disoriented, and, after all, last year for my birthday I had been bound and my ears pierced as a mark of my permanent feminization and enslavement to her. So I wouldnt put anything past this Woman!

Was I to be used and abused somewhere by both Mistress and her husband? (I had thought him in the car with Mistress, and I now shyly confess to being a little disappointed to later discover that he wasnt)

OR...well...for a while now Mistress had been teasing me about finding me a 'boyfriend' or a 'Master' and my wild subbie imaginings wondered if she had really gone and done it: found some strange man on alt com or somewhere and I was about to experience perhaps more forced-bi fantasy than I was actually ready for? The old 'Be careful what you wish for..' saying whispered in my head, sending delicious shivers up and down my spine.

The car stops and we sit there in silence for a bit. Then the rear door opens and I'm helped out of the van (omg I'm outside AGAIN!) and up a few stairs and...and...I guessed where we were at from the short little stairs. Sandpit Manor, my future home.

I'm still kind of disoriented and confused however, as I still don't know what all she has in mind, and where the heck is Mistress's brother? I didn't think he had moved out yet and left the place vacant.

Mistress has written a better account of our night here and it would be foolish of me to try to recount it all over again to our readers, because I know I cannot do a better job.

But I just want to share my thoughts/feelings on it...so much of our play is internalized to me. I kind of bliss out into subspace and let go, and that's exactly what happened. I was used and fucked in so many ways, so many positions, being taken over and over by Mistress and her strap-ons, or being allowed to lick and worship her pussy, or having gizmo (the dildo face harness) strapped to my face and used in such a humiliating and frustrating fashion.

I lost all track of time...I was taken from my sleep, so I was groggy from that, then blindfolded for a long period of time and so deep in subspace that I didn't know if it was day or night or how long I had been kept prisoner and used as a fucktoy over and over and over...my world became one of pure physical sensation, and I drowned in the sensations of it, feeling like I had been reduced to just a sexual animal to be used for my Mistress's pleasure, and that I existed only for that wonderful purpose of pleasing her. My own selfish gratification didn't even enter into it.

And it was....so hot and raw and primal, but...so beautiful at the same time. What I found so beautiful was how well she knows me, and how well she can read me that words were unnecessary even if I had not been gagged. She knew, for instance, when my legs couldn't take a position anymore and I had to move or shift weight. She knew when I was thirsty and had me drink without me saying a word or begging for it. A Mistress and her devoted slave in perfect harmony with each other.

I get a little teary from the joy of it just thinking about it.

I was/am so touched by how much thought, effort and planning was put into it. Every little detail, from my allergy pills to remembering my favorite brand of beer and how I like my BBQ. How much effort she put into providing me with one of the best kinky and hedonistic experiences of my life as a birthday present.

It takes my breath away...

Someone watching us might have only seen the surface details: a hot and actually kind of rough rape/kidnapping scenario but deep down in my heart I knew the truth of it: that this was an act of pure love.

I have never felt so loved, or so owned in my entire life.

Thank you Mistress. I love you more than words can say.

Happpy Birthdayversary! (decadance ensues)

By now I was feeling quite exhausted. I’d been up for a full 24 hours and spent a good bit of that time engaged in {ahem} vigorous activity. He peered around, blinking, trying to clear vision dulled from having been blindfolded for hours; I pulled him against me and we collapsed together on the sofa.

For all the kinky, raunchy things we do I think one of the most important things tia and I give to each other is the simple joy of snuggling. Lying in each other’s arms, bodies pressed together. Stroking his springy curls and marveling at the way he feels curled against me, so sweet and tender and somehow, at least to my Mistress-ly psyche, submissive. Like he’s completely surrendered to me and found utter peace in doing so. After the very thorough fucking of his mind & body that’d been going on this night it was obvious that he was floating in bliss. Maybe he wasn’t even aware of the way he continued gently humping against my leg, his frustrated winkie desperately trying for some satisfaction. But I noticed his lust-driven motions. And seeing how thrillingly aroused he was, how lost in ecstasy after all the nasty things I’d been doing to him, got me going once again.

After a little while I impulsively pushed him down on the mat once more and climbed on top of him. Reaching into my nearby dildo case I pulled out a condom and a couple of mini clothespins. I rolled the condom over his erection and slid down onto it, taking it easily inside myself. Then I leaned forward and clipped a pin to each nipple. From his reaction I guessed that the pinch of these was much more bearable – and pleasurable – than the full size variety. Which only encouraged me to play with them more, and harder.

I twisted the pins and flicked them with my fingers. I lightly slapped them. I grabbed them, pulling them farther and farther away from his body until his nipples were painfully stretched. And then I really started to move, riding him harder and harder, stretching those nipples out more and more with every thrust. My powerful humping made his body slide around under me; I viciously pulled his nipples out even further, holding them in place above his chest as if I were trying to use them as tiny anchors.
Poor thing; I guess it’s nothing to be wondered at if his little cockette started to wilt from all that, ah, stimulation.

But once again the feeling of taking him sadistically, without regard for his pleasure, of raping him, had got me REALLY excited. I wanted another orgasm, the full-strength clitoral kind. He gasped as I abruptly hopped off, then whined at the torture of cold air where seconds ago there had been slippery wet heat engulfing him. I tugged his leash as I swung around to sit on the sofa, making him scramble to his knees and crawl hesitantly toward me. “Get your face over here slave.” I ordered, patting my shaved pussy lips. “I want you to lick me.”

This time his moans were muffled by the folds of my cunt as he obediently nuzzled up to my crotch and started licking. He ran his tongue up and down the full length of my slit, which he knows I like, and sucked gently on my outer labia. I closed my eyes and lay back, savoring the sensations. But it wasn’t quite what I wanted; so after two or three minutes I pushed his head down and amended my order: “Lick my hole slut.”

From the way he groaned I guess he found my order especially humiliating. I found it delicious, feeling that tongue alternately darting into my hole and delicately lapping at the outer rim of my vagina I slipped a finger down and began rubbing my clit again. I took my time this time, or at least I tried to. I held off from coming for a while anyway, floating in a cloud of ecstatic sensation. When I finally let go, allowing the waves of orgasm to crash over me, I bucked so hard againsthim it’s a wonder I didn’t give him a bloody nose.

Once the waves of pleasure had dissipated I had to take a nap. I ordered tia to curl up on the floor next to the sofa, spread a coverlet over him and settled myself down on the sofa. I dozed for an hour or so, enough to get my second wind, and then seeing it was after ten I decided it was time to put the next part of my plan in motion. This part required that tia be left in bondage while I went out for a while. So I ran a heavy chain through the d-rings on his shackles, around the leg of the sofa, and fastened it with a padlock. Another length of chain for his ankles and I was confident that the illusion of inescapable bondage was complete. (It was only an illusion of course; should there be a real emergency he could have unfastened the shackles with very little effort.) I stood over him, legs apart, and informed him that I was leaving for a while, and he better not try to get away while I was gone. Giving him a little kick in the flank I turned, snatched up my purse, and strode out the door.

My errand was fetching a large quantity of barbeque, tia’s favorite food. So when I returned about 30 minutes later I left the bags in the van so the smell wouldn’t give me away. As soon as I got in I fed him another allergy pill, awkwardly holding the glass so he could sip some water while still chained to the sofa. I doubt he stayed hard the entire time I was gone, but his cockette was fully erect and glistening with pre-cum when I got around to noticing it now. So I decided it was time to let my sissy slave have a nice orgasm of his own…but only in a very sissy fashion of course.

I’d taken a few minutes before I left to wash the toys, so now I stood and went to the kitchen to retrieve my strap-on. I stripped to my bra and panties and wiggled back into the leather harness, with the purple vibrating dildo in place. Returning to the living room I unchained tia from the sofa. Now he was lying on his back; I squirted a glob of lube on the head of my cock, lifted his legs, and took aim at his already well-fucked hole. Leaning into him I let my own body weight force my cock deep inside, until my pelvis rested against the curve of his ass. And then I began to fuck him with slow, deep thrusts. I started out softly, lying on top of him, kissing and stroking him like a gentle lover. But soon I sat back on my haunches, pushing his legs against his chest and reaming him.

“Touch yourself slut,” I ordered. “I want to see you wanking that little cockette for me.” He moaned and obediently reached down to wrap his huge hand around his tiny dick. I love to tease him about how small his penis is, how insignificant it is to me. But in actual fact it’s a perfectly normal 5.75”. It LOOKS really small when he’s holding it though; his hands are so large they dwarf it. And I’m not sure why this sight – of his big long fingers wrapped around his delicate dicklet – gets me so hot, but it does. Maybe I get a thrill from seeing my verbal humiliations brought visually to life.

My growing excitement shows in my words; as he tugs on his joystick I spew a stream of obscenities, telling him how he belongs to me, how he’s nothing but a fucktoy, a piece of meat for my pleasure, a collection of holes for me to rape and plunder. His arousal is obvious in his grunts, whimpers and moans, but I can also tell he’s holding back. He knows better than to cum without permission…and he’s also inhibited by that streak of fastidiousness that I so love to violate. He would want to cum in a condom, or a tissue, or anywhere else but all over himself, making a sticky mess. So naturally that’s what I want him to do.

I push his hand away and grab hold of that pretty phallus myself. Jerking my hand up and down the curved shaft I growl “I want you to cum for me slut, just like this. Cum with your ass stuffed full of my big dick and your little cockette in my hand where it belongs. Shoot your sissy cream all over your belly and make a big icky mess for me. Cum for me NOW slave, and show me what a well-trained ass whore you really are.” Groaning helplessly, with his eyes rolled back in his head, he did just that.

His cum spurted out over my fingers and onto his tummy, rivulets of sperm trickling down to fill his bellybutton. I kept squeezing his cockette until it ceased to twitch, coaxing every last dribble out of it. Then I dipped two fingers into the viscous mess on his belly, scooping up as much of it as I could, and cheerfully ordered “Now open up slut! You know the rule: when sissy cums, sissy eats it! And lucky you,” I continued as he slurped the goo off my fingers, “today you get to taste it fresh without that nasty condom flavor.” He moaned as I dipped my fingers in the puddle of cum again, collecting another glob of slimy jizz and feeding it to him. I continued scooping it up and feeding it to him until I couldn’t get any more off him. And then I wiped my fingers on his belly and face, smearing the remains of his orgasm all over him.

He was still shuddering, deep down the rabbit hole of sexual degradation, when I finally pulled my cock out of him and clambered to my feet. Looming over him I reached out one foot to fondle and mash his wilted member. “Awww my little sissy, look at you” I gushed sweetly, “that’s exactly how a slut like you should look: well fucked and covered in cum.” I gave a final stomp, squashing his genitals under my bare foot, before turning away to wiggle out of my harness once more.

When I turned back I saw that he was sitting up and scrubbing at his semen-stained face with his hands. “Stop that slut!” I barked, reaching for my crop and dealing out a slash on his shoulder with it. “Stupid whore, if I wanted you to clean that off I’d have told you to! You’re nothing but a cumbucket now and you better get used to wearing it.”

Giving him a second sharp whack I bent to retrieve a small black case from the side pocket of a duffel bag. “And here’s another thing you’ll have to get used to wearing slave.” I chortled, spilling the clear plastic bits of his chastity cage out on the sofa. I tugged the leash to get him up on his knees and facing me, then began the finicky process of locking him into it. First the ring around the back, behind the balls, then the bit that closes the ring and holds it in place. Next the ribbon tied painfully tight just below the glans and used to pull the penis down into the shaft of the cock-cage. The happy second of snapping the lock closed followed by the painful moments of pulling and prying to loosen the ribbon and free it from the cage. When he was finally secured in it I gave the device a few smacks, making it clatter and bounce from side to side as I reminded him “There now, that’s safely locked away. Because nobody is interested in using that silly little thing, are they slut? Except to torture and control you with.” Grinning evilly, I slipped on my tshirt and yoga pants then sauntered outside to collect the barbeque.

He must have had an inkling of what was to come as soon as the smoky sweet aroma hit him. But he cannot have anticipated me strolling in with a dog dish in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other. I perched on the sofa and plonked the double dish down on the floor in front of him. One side of the dish was piled high with savory ribs and chicken wings, liberally slathered with his favorite sauce. I popped open the top of the beer and, pouring it into the other side of the dish I declared “NOW I have crossed the line into complete decadence!”

to be continued..

Sleeping Violation

The idea of creeping up on someone & ravishing them in their sleep is one that runs though quite a lot of my fantasies. And as pre-engineered scenes go it’s an easy one to put together on the spur of the moment. So last night I decided to throw tia a mighty swerve and ‘rape’ him in his sleep.

My mojo has been seriously limping lately. Worries about money, about the kids, about my health and that of my loved ones; all the usual crap of life has been dragging me down. And I’ve been going around bitching and whining about needing a domme fix for weeks.

We’d shot a scene together yesterday that went pretty well. It wasn’t enough to get my fires blazing, but it was a decent spark. Then after I tucked tia in bed I did a few more solo clips that fanned those flames a good bit higher. By the time I was ready to quit for the night I was also ready for some serious action.

And tia was asleep.

Naturally my mind supplied the favorite arousal-button of the sleeping violation, so I quickly assembled my “rape kit”: Strapon (of course) but no lube, as I happened to know my victim had some on his bedside table. *whistles innocently* A long scarf to tie his wrists with. A nice fat ballgag and a damp washcloth.

(I actually took some time debating how best to secure his wrists. Shackles? Rope? I needed it to be fast but not terribly secure; knowing my slut he was more likely to beg for more than put up any serious resistance. The scarf won on grounds of speediness.)

Silently opening his door I saw that he had a pillow over his face. Good; the light wouldn’t wake him and I’d be able to be on him before he knew I was there. I pulled the door almost shut; leaving a sliver of light that was just enough to see by. Didn’t want to rouse my victim’s roommate! Then, laying the washcloth down beside the bed and moving the lube within easy reach, I climbed on top of him. I shoved the gag into his mouth and leaned down to growl in his ear “do exactly as I say and you won’t get hurt bitch”.

The gag fastened in place I pushed him over onto his stomach, grabbing one arm and twisting it up behind his back as I did so. My scarf made a quick lark’s head around one wrist and the ends were available to bind the other, which I was already tugging into place. His hands secured, I climbed off his shivering body. I stopped beside him, my hand on his ass, to murmur in his ear again: “Mmm, that’s a sweet ass you got there bitch. I’m really gonna like sticking my dick in it. And if it’s not as much fun for you as it is for me…well, too bad”. He shivered as I gave his ass a solid smack.

Moving around to straddle his legs, I spread his buttcheeks and slid my silicone hard-on between them. I could feel the moisture of our earlier congress still present; there seemed to be quite a lot of it. “Well well, the little slut’s all juiced up already” I taunted him, rubbing my cockhead around his anus. “Were you waiting for me to come and fuck you bitch? I bet you were, I know how you slutty little sissy whores are, always wanting to have a cock in you. I bet I don’t even need to use any lube do I?” I continued, abruptly shoving the first two inches of my dick past his sphincter.

I immediately pulled back out as his sharp gasp let me know how much the sudden intrusion hurt. A few seconds pause to let the spasm subside and I knew he would take me much easier. Wanting to be on the safe side but still maintain the illusion of an unprepared entry I sneakily squirted the tiniest dab of lube I could onto the head of my dick while I was at it. Then, taking aim once more, I pushed my entire length into him in one firm stroke. “That’s it, take every inch of it baby. Gonna fill that sweet ass up with my cock whether you like it or not.” He moaned as I began to slide in and out.

After a few seconds of fucking I shifted position so that one of my knees was between his thighs. Now I was at a better angle to tease my clit with the strapon, and I could balance my weight on my legs, freeing my hands to do other things. I kept one hand on his hip, squeezing it, using it to pull his pelvis toward me in time with my thrusts, occasionally giving him another smack. My other hand was at his wrists, pinning them down. Then in his hair, pulling his head back as I snarled: “oh yeah, you like that bitch, don’t you? Having that big ol cock all the way up in there, being used like the slutty little whore you are. We both know what a filthy sissy tramp you are, don’t we? DON’T WE?” He moans in helpless acquiescence as I yank his head back even harder.

I continued shoving my fucktool into him, telling him what a whore he was, a horny, cum-craving sissy whore, telling him that I knew slutty little sissy bitches like him needed their hungry asses filled, murmuring words of filthy humiliation in his ear as I ground my pelvis against his soft white ass. Until, at last (though it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes really), I came.

I always am a little surprised I don’t ejaculate when I cum. It sure FEELS like I do; a jumping, throbbing pulse that squeezeshoots out bursts of…something. From the cock that’s not my flesh squirting into the body of my lover/victim, which I can almost(still not really) feel squeezing around me. I guess it’s at these moments that I most feel a…lack…in my body, or a closeness to the genital equipment I might have opted for, if given a choice.

A-ny-way, back to my story…I gave tia’s ass one more smack and informed him “you’re a nice piece of ass bitch, a fine little piece of fuckmeat. I really enjoyed sticking it to you.” Three more pounding thrusts HARD into his butt to emphasize my point and I yanked my purple phallus out of his abused asshole.

“But you’re not done yet bitch” I continued, hastily scrubbing the dildo with my damp washcloth. (Were you wondering when I’d get to that?) I released one of his bound hands and tugged both arms so that I could re-tie them above his head. Then, moving to kneel beside his face, I unfastened the ball-gag and placed the tip of my cock against his lips. “You got my cock all dirty, now you have to lick it clean” I said as I shoved it into his whimpering mouth.

I swear, that boy never gives such good blowjobs as when he’s half asleep. Or maybe it’s just that his throat is more relaxed, he’s able to open up and let me just fuck the shit out of his face. That’s definitely what I was doing now; I’d meant to give a few thrusts just to drive home his enslavement and humiliation. But he was so receptive, taking my dick down his throat with such moaning ease, that I started to get really aroused again. I wound one hand through his hair and with the other reached down to grab his little cock. I kept pulling and yanking on it, roughly jerking him while I fucked his face. I didn’t think I was likely to cum again but it felt so good I didn’t want to stop. The physical sensations, the dildo pressing rhythmically against my mons, pulling his hair, feeling his cockette twitching in my hand…and the sense of sheer dominant triumph at having him helpless, at my mercy, and using him so…the combination was intoxicating.

But stop I did, eventually, pulling my dick out of his mouth with an audible ‘plop’. I smacked him with it a few times, rubbing his face in it, then used the palm of my hand for one last stinging slap on the cheek. “See you later bitch” I threatened, and as he lay there naked and trembling, hands still bound and whimpering with frustrated need, I walked, laughing, out the door.

Why am I kinky? Why 'forced fem'? (Part 3)

With the key components of my sexuality in place: that being pretty means positive female attention and love, and that if a woman goes to the trouble to feminize me and keep me prisoner that I am therefore desired and wanted, the rest of my perversions and fetishes start to fall into place as I get older.

At some point in my childhood I had a scrap of black fishnet that was an accessory to a 'Planet of the Apes' toy playset, and I remember absolutely loving the way it felt if I put it on my leg, the way it looked, the way it felt if I kissed it..

I joke about it, but I seriously think popular culture played a role.

Wonder Woman on TV wearing that outfit, tying up people with her golden lasso and forcing them to tell the truth.

Princess Ardala on Buck Rogers, all dominant and imperious, always trying to seduce Buck and make him her submissive consort. I even had an action figure of her that in later years my other action figures would kneel before and kiss her feet!

And of course, Slave Leia in that much beloved and drooled over outfit.

In Leia's case, it wasn't so much a desire to submit to her and be conquered by her (as it was for Ardala & Wonder Woman) it was more a desire to look like her, and be collared and chained and kept.

As I got older, I began to figure out some of these thoughts and fantasies. The discovery of porn magazines gave me a terminology and a frame of reference to figure out who I was, which I've written about before.

I'll just shamelessly steal from myself and quote here:

To me, it wasn't like I made a conscious decision in my head "Oh that sounds hot, I would like to try that someday". It was more of...an epiphany of sorts. A realization deep in my heart, soul, and loins that this is who I am. Feelings and urges inside of me for years before I had even picked up a porno magazine in my life--things that I didn't understand suddenly had names and identities. I was a submissive male. I was into BDSM. I needed to belong to a Mistress. I now had a vocabulary and a frame of reference for these feelings and needs.

From there things kind of progress organically in my sexual development. Childhood fades, the toys and action figures are put away and I'm now fantasizing about these porn letters I'm reading, and oogling girls in class.

Every Halloween was particularly torturous in a sweet kind of way, because inevitably girls at school would come dressed in some outfit involving black fishnets and I used to ache and feel my knees go weak and know deep down in my soul that if any of them had clued in on these feelings in me, and told me to get on my knees before them, I would have been unable to resist!

My kink interests and experience have grown over the years, but some of them just seem to have developed naturally from out of the primary forced feminization fetish. For instance, the interest in strap on dildoes and forced bi.

The interest in strap-on play develops as a natural continuation of the forced fem fetish. Because, after all, if being a kept feminized slave meant that I was unable to escape, how much greater the helplessness and enslavement is if I am forced to act and perform as a female as well. Its all a development and an escalation of the wanting to be kept prisoner (and therefore wanted, desired and secure) part of my psyche.

Forced bi? Also develops naturally, logically even from these same desires. If I am so owned now that my very sexuality is open to whatever my Mistress wishes, it reenforces those mental chains that bind me to her. There has to be that element of force involved, NOT because I need some sort of an 'excuse' to engage in homoerotic activity, but because my insecurity demands I feel wanted and needed and kept as a pretty prisoner and surrendering my sexuality is an extension of that very basic need.

That's why all of the endless back and forth discussion of 'how is forced fem or forced bi really forced' really pisses me off when I see it. Are any other fetishes second guessed and nitpicked this much?? If my fetish was all about being spanked, would I be nitpicked by people saying that, because I consented to and submitted to being spanked, that I wasn't REALLY surrendering control at all?

Its ALL consential activity, or supposed to be, no? And the activity in question--whether it be being dressed as a woman...or made to serve as a pony...or spanked...or whatever the activity happens to actually be that forms one's fetish need, that activity is really only the surface manifestation of the psychological need that particular fetish fulfills. So it doesn't really matter what the fetish actually is, its almost even a kind of side effect.

My needs are to feel wanted and loved and kept secure, your deep needs may be motivated by something else entirely, that other kinkster over there may have the same fetish but different psychological needs than you and I, or a different fetish driven by the same underlying need.

We're all different. Your mileage may vary.

So anyway...that's my kinky psyche as I have come to understand it. As I said in my first entry on this subject, what drives me may and probably is different than what drives you, but hopefully you've been able to relate a little.

Bikini party girl Part II. (Mistress's version)

Wednesday October 12th was one of my monthly play parties, and by a brilliant stroke of luck my slave tia was off work and able to attend. I promised him that he would be *thoroughly* used, and so he was.

I started off by dressing her in her new bikini, then warmed her up with a good beating. Then we cooled off in the pool before I led her back to the bunkhouse for her first fuck of the day. The room was dark but I know our audience (i.e. the other guests who happened to be in the room) enjoyed the sight of me banging her. I first took her doggy-style (and had my first orgasm), as she knelt on a low ottoman. Then I fucked her again (and came again) while she lay on her back with her feet up in the stirrups of an antique ob/gyn table.

Afterward I made her fetch a cloth to clean my cock before ordering her to suck it. And then, with her moaning, dazed & begging to be used some more, we went back in the pool. *wickedgrin*

After we came back from dinner (steak and 2-for-1 happy hour drinks) we wandered around chatting for a awhile. I’d dressed tia in a soft robin’s egg blue tshirt, her white, ruffly, sheer panties with the multi-colored dots, and coordinating rainbow striped thigh-socks.* A friend of mine whom I had important business to discuss with showed up, and we were sitting on one of the beds in the bunkhouse talking when it occurred to me that tia would be getting fidgety…and I’d been noting for ages how much she missed having a flesh and blood cock to suck on…and that another friend of mine, an older gentleman who I remembered being fun to play with on previous occasions, was standing right there So I asked him if he’d like to get his dick serviced and when he agreed I ordered tia down on her knees.

This came as a bit of a shock to her. *evilgrin*

But she (good girl!) obeyed, and she got her reward a few minutes later when a new guest – one rather younger and hunkier – showed up. I asked him if he’d like to join in, he gave an enthusiastic yes, and our old friend gracefully passed tia along to the new boy. You can read in her own words how much she enjoyed being used by HunkyGuy; I enjoyed watching so much that I quickly got distracted from my conversation and decided to get some action myself. I invited our older friend over to lick my pussy a bit, and after taking my pleasure rewarded his efforts with some nipple biting. Rather fierce nipple biting in fact, which he seemed to enjoy very much.

My “reset” button pressed I checked to see that tia and her new boy-friend were engrossed in each other, and decided to try and resume my lost conversation. I found my friend outside and we were strolling by the pool a short while later when HunkyGuy came along. I inquired if my sissy slut had pleased him and he assured me she had, with a big smile on his face. I said goodbye to my friend and when tia herself came wandering out a few minutes later I grabbed her leash** and led her back to the bunkhouse to get fucked again.

This time I had her climb up into the leather sling, and bound her ankles to the suspending chains so her legs were kept in the air & spread. The lights were on so the other folks in the room got a much better view. And tia herself had the best view of all, looking up into the huge mirror that’s mounted above the sling. I meant for her to cum (finally) and it’s a good thing, because after just a few minutes of thrusting she completely lost control, and shot her sissy-cream all over her tummy. I scooped up as much of it as I could with my fingers and fed it to her. And that was about the end of the action for the day.

I’d say it was a good party. ;D



*Have I mentioned that I have a THING for sissies in SOCKS?

** And did I forget to mention also the leather pet collar & rope leash she wore all day as I led her around?

Bikini party girl!

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Becoming Her bitch

Sometimes during play (although the splitting hairs side of me hates to call it that, because the word doesn't do it justice) things happen between Mistress and I that are just...indescribable. Too powerful, maybe even too personal for words.

In the interest of making my Mistress smile upon reading this, I am going to try.

Last weekend started out as, quite frankly, a bit of a disappointment. We went to Fetish Circuit that Saturday night more out of obligation rather than a desire to go. Neither Mistress or myself cares much for the club scene, where there are too many people, too much noise, and very little actual play going on. :P

So we get to Sunday without really having done anything or had much time together. I was decidedly UN-glamourous that day, not really feminized at all, no makeup, not even bodyshaved. A pink tshirt and matching panties was all I had on, the proper attire for a lazy day with Mistress.

And it was a pretty lazy day, almost vanilla even. But as the evening went on, and as I rubbed her feet and legs with lotion, Mistress decides she wants to use me and takes me back to the bedroom.

She has me crawl in bed beside her to pleasure her breasts with my mouth, has me rub my nipples against hers--just as if I was her girlfriend. At this point I'm aching to please her, be used by her, to do anything at all in the world for her. And she knows it.

"I want to fuck you, sissy slave,." She growls. And I know without even being told that she doesn't mean using my cockette at all.

I lie there on my back, watching her put the strap-on dildo on, feeling this...deep feeling of surrender course through my body. That this is my fate, and I should accept it, surrender to it. I am her fucktoy and plaything, and if it should please her to use me as a girl then I will be her girl, now and forever.

She tells me to stay on my back, has me pull down my panties, spread my legs wide and in the air...omg...she's really going to fuck me like a girl! We've never done this before.

She teases me, rubs the larger strap-on against my smaller cockette as if mocking it, reenforcing the fact that I am not a man anymore (in the usual sense of it) and that i will never experience 'normal' sex as a man ever again. She lubes up and enters me without much difficulty at all...ohhhhh goddd.....

And it feels amazing. To be taken by Mistress, I felt swept away in the feelings of submission and...a kind of deep mental feminization, and the incredible physical sensation of her fucking me, my cockette rubbing between us.

I melted under the physical and mental feelings, I wanted nothing more than to be fucked like that by her forever. If she had demanded it I would have agreed with all my body, heart and soul to surrender my cockette to permanent chastity in exchange to only having my sexual pleasure given at the end of her dildo. I felt myself wanting to cum...cum from being fucked in the ass! And it took effort not to let myself go when all I wanted was to just give into the sheer animal inside me, and cum all over the place. I wanted her to rape me...and moved my wrists underneath her hands for her to hold down..

Oh my...

It was beautiful.

I have been daydreaming of it all week. When we were finished, my legs were all rubbery and trembling. It was one of the most intense submissive experiences I had ever had and I ache so badly for more.

And oh god I want more. I want Mistress to take me down the road to deeper submission, enslave me, feminize me, push my limits of pain & humiliation for her pleasure, to kneel at her feet and surrender my body, heart & soul to her.

So....*blushes* that's what today's picture post is all about...its not from the evening I've been describing (Its from the night Mistress and I made the "Blonde Sissy beauty gets FUCKED!" video) but it definitely gives a sense of the...intensity of it.

I am Her bitch, and its all I ever want to be.

Revelations in subspace, or, "How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Being a Pornslut"

First, the backstory:

Its been an intense week in my submissive life.

On Sunday I was used. Really used. Used like a submissive like me dreams of: I was repeatedly, roughly, and aggressively used and fucked by Mistress in *every* possible way and was not allowed to cum at all. Which didn't even matter to me, really. Physical frustration ebbs and fades away once the teasing and arousal stops and becomes more manageable. But the joy of pleasing my Mistress over and over again? The wonderful submissive feelings of being helpless before Her, and put in my place?

That's what its all about. My God, She was so beautiful...so fierce and aggressive. A true Goddess in every sense of the word. Takes my breath away.

So...that was the start of my week...then I had a few unpleasant workdays, back in the so-called 'real world'. I was relaxing on the couch after such a workday on Wed night when Mistress and shygirl (Mistress's husband's subbie girl, for those of you who do not follow our blog and may be confused by all the polyamorous twists & turns :p) unexpectedly come through the door to surprise me!

In no short order I was told I was going to be used by both of them that night (!) and, in shygirl's exact words, "Just let it happen!". I was told to strip down to my panties and put something sexy on. I chose a sexy teal satin nightie and joined them in our 'studio' room. There Mistress directed shy to sit on my face for a little while before both of them put strapon dildos on, sandwiching me between them at first, but before long Mistress just sat back and directed shy as she fucked me, eventually coming to an apparently powerful orgasm (her first orgasm ever while fucking someone with a strapon!), grinding into me and smacking my ass as she came.

Then Mistress took HER turn. With the larger dildo!

I should also mention at this point that Mistress filmed all of this...she does this for a number of hot scenes in our lives--its not just for business, however. Its also an ongoing record of my submission to her. And it does add spice....sometimes (more on this later).

Of course, I was *still* not permitted to cum. :P

So then we get to last night (Fri), the point of all of this sexy rambling (and no its NOT just 'wank fodder' you would-be Fetlife forum troll/overzealous anal retentive moderator-type person, if persons of such type be reading this...)

(doubtful, those kind of people usually just skim a little before making some sort of quick narrow minded judgement or snarky comment and don't really READ anything :P)

I digress: I've just become very jaded & cynical about forum/blog behavior these days.

Anyway, back to last night: Mistress feminizes me--the whole 9 yards this time, something we don't do that often in our everyday lives due to time constraints and such. It DOES make it more special when she does it as a result.

She administered an enema (*blush*) and had me bodyshave, then pick my own outfit for the evening "as if you were dressing to please your BOY-friend" she teased. I picked a pink satin nightie, a cute pair of matching panties, thigh high white stockings and my heels. Mistress then did my makeup and put me in my blonde wig.

Each step of this process I'm drifting off into subspace...my psyche (for reasons I'll delve into some other time) equates feminization with being kept prisoner. Therefore its bondage to me. The more involved, the more helpless and kept and submissive I feel.

So I'm already getting deep into subspace before she does anything with me...I'm begging her to be allowed to please her, in any way she wishes.

I'm begging to be put on video for her.

No, this isn't topping from the bottom or begging for something I want for my own sake, even if (as I said earlier) it does add some sexy spice. I'm embarrassed by my photos and videos, and don't think I'm all that attractive in either my male or feminine personas.

I'm begging for it because I know deep down in my heart that this is what will please Mistress the most.

After 2 1/2 years of being this wonderful Woman's slave, and loving her with all of my heart, I've come to read her moods. Try to predict her needs, as best I can, and last night I knew Mistress was feeling the driving need to work. She is a Professional as well as a Lifestyle Mistress, and this IS her work. Its summertime, and thus with no school she's on full time mommy duty and I know the frustrations of not being able to work eats away at her inside. That pressure is increased by the never-ending money worries that are ever present for those of us who are just barely keeping our heads above water.

She needed to work and me, deep in subspace, I read that need and wanted to satisfy it. I felt a deep...giving of myself in the offer, to be filmed and humiliated and frustrated. I felt a pure sense of purpose, and the sheer desire in my heart and soul to please this Woman, my Mistress, my Goddess--was overwhelming, outweighing my personal needs and feelings and frustrations.

And I'll let you now in on a little secret about making porn...its not all fun and games. Sometimes--like the night Mistress spontaneously filmed her and shy taking turns on me with strapons--the camera is a natural part of the scene, and does not distract from the headspaces Mistress and I are in. It feels natural, organic, even erotic--it becomes a tool of humiliation for Mistress to use, just another sexy weapon in her arsenal to use.

Sometimes the camera--and all of the fucking around with the camera, trying to get angles, trying to get everything in the frame, messing around with the lights, sometimes the camera SERIOUSLY detracts from the scene. And in the past sometimes I'd get more than a little frustrated (in the bad sense) at all of the distractions, especially if Mistress was feeling frustrated (also in the bad sense) juggling being an erotic filmmaker and my Mistress at the same time. I'd obey, of course--its not like I can say no, can I?--but I'd come away from the scene feeling a little peevish sometimes.

But last night, deep in subspace, I felt something click in my mind and I came to a revelation, an epiphany of sorts. Something you and others reading this may think should have been obvious all along but in my head I had never really made
the connection:

That being, "Dumb-ass, this isn't all about YOU."

I mean, I'm not an idiot. I'm not a 'top from the bottom' or a 'do-me' kind of so-called submissive at all. I have always wanted to serve and please my dominant, I've been active and kinky for years before ever meeting Mistress, and have found deep satisfaction and even joy in serving...the giving of myself, out of love and obedience.

But when it came to Mistress's pornmaking--I couldn't see the forest for the trees. When she would get frustrated with the camera or something and stopping in the middle of doing something sexy with me--strapons, facesitting, whatever it was we were doing at the time--the ACT itself we were doing at the time was NOT what I as her slave was truly doing as an act of obedience, the truly obedient thing to do--the giving of myself was to recognize and satisfy Mistress's REAL NEED--her need for a smooth shoot.

IE, if Mistress is filming me licking her pussy for the camera, her need ISN'T actually having her pussy licked at all. Her need is for me to perform for the camera, and, more importantly, to soothe jangled nerves and frustrations and keep her 'in the moment'.

Me, being somewhat of an idiot and highly distracted by said pussy in question would confuse my real duties as her slave and be annoyed that the camera stuff was intruding upon my oral service, or whatever I was doing at the time.

Obvious, no? Perhaps it should have been. But it was a revelation to me all the same, and a testament to how far I've come, how much I've grown as a submissive to better serve Mistress's needs--both the said and unsaid ones.

The connection burned itself into my head--that I must learn, am learning to recognize Mistress's needs & motivations.

To truly serve Her.

What's in it for me..

cuckhumiliation asked: I want to say first that you're pretty much amazing, but I do also have a question
What's on it for you when you use a dildo on a man's ass? Just curious.


Aww, thanks. :)

That’s a fun question! There’s a lot to it. I love the idea of having a nerve-rich appendage that’s basically one big erogenous zone which I can stick into people’s various orifices. In plain English - I really get off on the idea of having a penis. And when I strap one on I truly can almost feel it; like a sexual version of the missing limb amputees sometimes feel.

There’s a directly physical effect as well: the base of a strap-on presses against my pussy mound, lips & clit in a VERY nice way as I’m fucking someone with it. I’ve been rubbing against things to get off since I first started masturbating; it makes sense that I would enjoy this. It’s enough to make me cum sometimes & gets me really hot all the time!

There’s a more complicated psychological aspect to it as well. It ties in with my own gender-oddity and my rape fantasy fetish. And THAT is something which I’m sure I’ll say more about in the future, but I’m not ready to sum up in a few sentences now. ;)

And of course there’s the sheer predatory glee of reaming the ass of some little boyslut who’s totally, wantonly desperate to get FUCKED.

Mmmm. ;D

Assfucking Addendum

It had been a lovely day. A healing day: I had just had a death in my family, and Mistress had decided the best way to help me through the grieving process was a day of total hedonism; using and abusing her slave until I was sore. Unconventional for sure, and quite possibly it might strike others as disrespectful, but it worked.

It was...kind of like a celebration of life, in the face of death. Mistress reminding me just how sweet life can be, and turning what would have been a day spent dwelling in darkness (as I would have done had she not been there) into a day of love, laughter, and happiness.

That morning I had been well used indeed, which Mistress has written about in epic scope. The afternoon had been kind of lazy and relaxing and recovering. We went out for an early dinner consisting of alcohol with a little bit of steak thrown in for nutritional value. So we got back kind of happy, not three sheets to the wind per se, more like one and a half. ;D

Mistress had me change into a purple sissy t-shirt, my new purple fluffy skirt that she just got me, thong panties and purple fishnets. I get the odd feeling she likes seeing me in purple. I'm observant; I pick up on things like that.

She changed into black panties and ohmygod black fishnets...and then she put the strap on dildo on...ohhhhh my mind raced...She'd already used my mouth and cockette to please her in every possible way that day: it seemed very likely now that she would use my sissy ass as well and make the job of using me complete.

But first things first..I was instructed to go to the bathroom and use an enema kit. I obeyed, and was soon on my knees on the bathroom floor administering the nasty thing when Mistress decided to come in and "assist" me. *BLUSH* Now I don't have an enema fetish at all but somehow the act of her doing that to me, totally invading my last shred of privacy in that most embarrassing moment, was so hot, so humiliating...it made me feel so much like just an object, Her property to use in any and all ways she chooses. This was reinforced by her putting her fishnet-clad foot on the back of my head as I knelt in the bathroom, pushing my face into the floor, forcefully reminding me: this isn't just a game or a 'scene'. This is REAL. This is my life, I belong to this Woman body and soul.

Once I was cleansed she inserted a buttplug in me to prepare me for the evening, then had me kneel on the couch and suck her strap on while she watched one of my sissy porn videos, teasing me as I mimicked what the sissy on the screen was doing, getting into my head and pushing all my buttons as skillfully as a master violinist plays the strings. But after a little while it was off to the bedroom for flogging and sodomy.

It hurt - sharply at first - when she pushed into me. Anal play is not always easy for me. But after a bit of urging I soon found myself on all fours, feeling myself be taken by her, feeling my body surrender to her and respond in kind. I felt so...gloriously helpless beneath her, just a piece of slutty sissy fuckmeat there for her pleasure and use. She spanked my ass as she fucked me, pulled my hair and head back, faster and faster and more like we were two animals in heat.

I wanted to stay that way forever...deep in subspace, and deep into the sheer physical joy of being totally used for my Mistress's pleasure. At that point, in my head, I knew I totally belonged to her. That there was nothing in the world that I wouldn't do for her, and I would give anything in the world to just be feminized and fucked by her the rest of my days.

The pleasure in my sissy cockette began to grow to an unbearable state...but I didn't want to cum, I didn't want to stop, I wanted my Mistress to cum from fucking me, to obtain her pleasure from me using me like a girl...but it was too much, I was so close, I begged her for permission...granted...

And I had perhaps one of the most intense orgasms of my life as my Owner took me hard, shuddering through my body from head to toe in waves of pleasure and subspace.

---

So slut, shall we do it again sometime? - Mistress, grinning evilly