Tonight's the night!

Mistress has been teasing me about it for weeks now, I still can't believe this is actually happening. My imagination has been running wild with sissy fantasies and daydreams almost nonstop, making it next to impossible to concentrate on anything else.

I don't know how the reality will compare to what I've fantasized...on the one hand Mistress is capable of anything, on the other she is very protective of me (and I love her for it) but may also underestimate how far she can push me over the edge and down that rabbit hole.

And, well, I also know how much the universe likes to disappoint me in life. I've learned not to let my hopes get up high about anything if I can help it. So I am...cautiously optimistic. Trying not to let my little daydreams and fantasies run away with me in case the reality doesn't quite measure up.

From my perspective the most delicious thing is that I truly do not know. It simply isn't up to me. I knelt before Her just over 4 years ago now, and gave myself to Her body heart and soul. I'm not 'topping from the bottom' with a vanilla gf/wife who is just trying to humor me. No, I really do belong to Her, the most exciting Woman I have ever known and she is just as eager to dominate me as I am to be dominated.

Thank you Mistress. No matter what happens tonight, I think I've already been given a precious gift. I've just had it for a little while now.

*soft sappy smile*

You Don't Need a Weatherman to Know Which Way the Wind Blows

You Don't Need a Weatherman to Know Which Way the Wind Blows

I have a bit of a odd and kinky history that goes back a ways. I spent years searching for the right BDSM relationship--that long lonely search many male submissives undertake. My own journey seemed to be nothing but a long string of disappointments, one night stands, meeting and failing to click with people offline when it had seemed so promising online, or people who always seemed to have a story or a reason to avoid ever having to meet at all. The usual bs that comes with trying to meet people online.

Thank god I'm off of that bitter treadmill now.  Meeting Mistress on Alt Com and becoming Her owned slave has...saved me from all of that. Made it all worthwhile.

Anyway...the strangest kink adventure in my life...It was about six years ago, just before moving to Florida and meeting Mistress. I had been returning to my kinky quest after several years of giving up, doing the personal ad sites and such. I had kind of given up on the idea of finding "The One", you know, a woman who would be interested in me romantically as well as a submissive. I had just been burned too many times, and my living situation at the time would have made that impossible to find anyway. So I was looking for couples who were interested in playing with a sissy slave. The idea had always been one of my favorite fantasies, and I reasoned I might be a pretty good catch---I could be a totally nonthreatening, non-demanding addition to a polygamous relationship.  Both the Mistress and Master could feel safe that I would not upset or jeopardize their primary relationship in any way shape or form.

And that was what I looked for, and after while I began corresponding with this domme online.  She was intelligent, witty, great sense of humor--seemingly exactly my 'type'.  She was looking for a sissy slave to play with herself and her boyfriend.

There was a complication, however--isn't there always?  The boyfriend was married to someone else, so this was a relationship on the side. So everything had to be hush-hush.

She made arrangements to meet me, a few miles from my apartment at my favorite Irish bar. Always a bit noisy and crowded, we could talk about whatever we liked without being overheard.  She told me the BF might be able to join us, but this was really just a meeting between she and I so she could suss me out, see if we clicked, see if I could be trusted or not.

I remember seeing her and getting all excited....yes, she was exactly my type...that naughty but nerdy look, with glasses and a mischievous twinkle in her eye. Curves in all the right places, a bit overweight but not excessively so.

We talked pleasantly for probably a half hour or so. I'm sure I was shy and awkward--I always am when meeting someone. But apparently it wasn't a deal breaker because she told me that she liked me, that she saw some real possibility here. She was going to tell her BF that I was ok for him to meet and, surprise surprise, it was going to happen that very evening.

But first...could I keep a secret?

Of course, I said. You know my secrets...seen my pics...I'm trusting you with that stuff, you can trust me with yours.

She explained about her BF being married. That her relationship with him could not become public, that both she and him were known in their industry and so they had to really play it safe for their careers as well as his marriage.

What do you do then?  I ask.

She tells me she's a columnist in the local alternative weekly newspaper--I had read her column before actually, and enjoyed it many a time.  She tells me her BF is in the journalism field as well.

I'm really excited at this point. I tell her that's incredible, I'm in the same field (or trying to be) myself and I tell her who I work for and she recognizes it and she seems thoughtful for a second and tells me that she and he BF could really help me out in my career, that they had the contacts and connections to help get me to a better place.

This is seriously a dream come true at this point. My head was swimming, I'm telling myself to try to not let my hopes get up so high but at this point I'm thinking I might just have won the lottery in my kinky relationship quest and this is going to change my entire life for the better.

She gets a text and tells me her BF is about to arrive. "My boyfriend...you might recognize him. But please don't say anything."

I assure her I won't.

And then he comes in, and sits next to her with a big, familiar smile. Holy shit. I DO know this guy.  Its the weatherman from Channel X.

And at this point I need to interject here: I'm not going to say what TV channel, or even what city he's from. While on the one hand I do not owe him or her anything now, a promise is still a promise. And he's still on the air, every weeknight at 6 and 11.

They hug and exchange secret smiles to each other and he asks her if I'm a good candidate to play with them. She tells him that I am, and she is really looking forward to playing with us both.  There's no time like the present, he says. He only has a little bit before having to go back to the station to get ready for the 11 o'clock newscast. She grins at that, and orders me to get up and follow them outside to the parking lot.

I'm utterly utterly gobsmacked at this point, but I obey.  Holy fuck.

We get inside his SUV towards the back of the parking lot, he gets in the backseat, I'm ordered to kneel on the floor next to him, she sits up front but within reaching distance of both him and I.

Kiss his crotch, she says. Meet your new Master.

I'm all gooey and submissive and feeling myself fall deep for both of them at this point...I'm not wearing a stitch of female clothes on me but my inner slavegirl just comes out and I just mellllt and soon enough I'm obediently unbuckling his pants and kissing and sucking his cock while her hands are in my hair forcing me on it while the two of them are kissing and holy shit i'm in a suv out in public in a parking lot and i'm sucking the cock of the weather guy from channel x!!!!

Flashing in my mind at this utterly bizarre and absurd moment was a quote from "Saving Private Ryan", of all things.

"Sergeant, we have crossed some strange boundary here. The world has taken a turn for the surreal.."  

Now..I know TV weathermen, news anchors and so forth are not A or even B-level celebrities.  They are C-level at best, known only at a local level and that to anyone outside of the broadcast area Mr. WeatherDom's real name would be meaningless. I'm still not going to reveal the name but I think you as the reader here of my sordid little tale, to best appreciate the topsy turvy state of mind I was in should try to imagine yourself in a parked car having carnal relations with your local celebrity weatherman within 15 minutes of meeting said celebrity after seeing the guy on TV for years telling you your day is going to be partly cloudy and mild.

Back to the scene....its so hot...one of the hottest experiences I've ever had...  She plays with herself as they kiss, as her hands guide me on his cock...he cums in my mouth and I'm in such a state of shock it doesn't dawn on me til later that this too, is another first in my life and I was too far gone to even gag on it.

Everyone rests a few minutes....then he zips up, tells she and I how great that was, have to do it again soon and he's off to the station for his broadcast. She makes her goodbye as well, tells me how thrilled she was at my obedience and that we would be getting together again real soon.

I drive home, dazed, laughing out loud at the absurdity of it as well as the sheer delight of it! And I turn on Channel X's 11 o'clock news with his taste still on my lips and watch WeatherDom doing the 5-Day with that smile and and not a hint in his delivery that he had just had a sordid 3-way with his gf and their new male slave not more than 2 hours ago. 

Life has taken a turn for the surreal. Yes indeedy.

I had one more encounter with them, not long after. Another really hot scene, where she had fully femmed me in my apartment and he had arrived and I got to serve them both en femme, this time fluffing him ready before he fucked her on my bed and getting to orally worship her to several orgasms after he had gone.

Things seemed perfect. She and I continued to talk online, on the phone, I felt as if things were only going to get better and better.

And one day, out of the blue, she just...stopped writing me back.  Not even a goodbye or an explanation.

I was crushed.  I agonized over what I might have done or said to have caused this. Did I say something wrong? Worse...did he find me so unappealing and ugly en femme that he had told her to break it off with me?

Its only now, years later that I can objectively add another possibility to what happened--that their relationship as BF-GF was broken off, or put on the shelf for a while because of his marriage and that I really wasn't rejected at all.  Still...if that was the case...they should have told me. :(

In a way, maybe things happen for a reason after all. It was the heartbreak over this apparently-perfect kink-and-professional relationship going belly up without explanation that was the impetus behind my decision to say fuck it, my life in this city isnt going anywhere, my career will never advance here and I will never meet anyone, why not just up and move to Florida where I can at least be warm year round and goto the beach.

And so I did. Moved down in 2007 and in December of 2008 I met Mistress. :)

And she has made me Hers. And loves me, has kept me. Has shown no sign at all of wanting to ever let me go or just disappear on me as so many others have in my life.  No, my career has never taken off and has even gotten worse than it did before and I've barely got two nickels to rub together but...with Mistress, none of that really matters.  I'm happy, the happiest I have ever been.

I am the owned slave of Lady Erisiana Cherie. And I am content.

Playing 'Doctor', Femdom-style

Many years ago, when I was a young teenage boy, just starting to figure out my sexuality, I had my first Femdom experiences with my best friend's two sisters across town.

I think I was 13, 14 at most. Their ages were 12 and 10 I want to say? Its hard to remember. And at that age the age difference is a big thing, maybe an uncomfortable age difference tantamount to child abuse to my now-adult mind and conscience. Its why I never told this story to anyone other than Mistress until writing this.

And if that disturbs anyone, I apologize...but its naive for us to stick our heads in the sand and try to pretend that children are NOT sexually experimenting at that age. There's a reason why "Playing Doctor" and "You show me yours and I'll show you mine" are such common stories/experiences.

My "Playing Doctor" game just happened to take a more Femdom route, is all.

I'm not going to deny it, I was 'topping from the bottom' as it were. But only at the beginning. I was older, a little smarter, and honestly more than bit manipulative at that age. I happened to be alone with the two sisters, and we were playing some game or other (I forget what it was now) and I casually made the suggestion that we gamble on who was going to win the game, and the loser would be forced to do anything the winner said.

The girls liked the idea...and I made quite sure I lost the bet, much to their delight.

You win. Now...what do you want me to do?

Kiss your feet?

And with that, the idea was planted right in their minds that yes, yes they wanted this older boy to grovel before them and kiss their feet, each taking turns having me crawl to her and do so.

You're not going to have me lick your shoes clean, are you?

And that's all of the prompting it took. Both girls thrilled to the newfound power they held over me, especially the younger one, and from that point forward whenever any of us were alone together that summer I obeyed their every command. The pretense of 'losing a bet' wasn't even needed after that first time.

And the youngest sister...my god.....did she get off on humiliating me....I remember one occasion, she forcefully took my hand and led me away in private, told me to get down on my knees and said "I have a Girl Scout meeting soon. I can't go to it with dirty shoes now, can I?" and had me lick her tennis shoes all over to her satisfaction before leaving to go to that meeting, leaving me dazed and aching and humbled by the fierceness in her.

The older girl...the novelty soon wore off, although one time she did enjoy taking me down in her parents basement, ordering me to lie on my back and be dry humped to my frustration by her, while her sister had me kiss her feet and ass the entire time. She even spanked me with a broom when I wasn't obeying fast enough.

I was playing with fire that summer. I don't know how it could have ended in anything other than discovery and scandal. I was helplessly drawn to them, to ache for them, to humiliate myself before them for their entertainment and pleasure. The same look of domme-space and power that I see in my Mistress today is the same look the younger sister had so many years ago, ordering me to kiss her ass and telling her sister "He does anything I tell him to do...", so sexually charged and full of the rush of power.

Perhaps fortunately for me our Femdom games were not discovered. Fate intervened. At that same period of my life I was engaged in petty street crime with their brother, the friend who I ostensibly was over at that house to see in the first place. Since we weren't exactly criminal masterminds we were caught, our parents fined, and we weren't allowed to be friends anymore from that point on.

If that had not occurred....I don't know how much further it would have gone with the girls and me. For years afterward, until I started having real sex with my first girlfriend it was the hottest thing I had ever done in my life...my first sexual play ever, and it was as a slave, a submissive male who longed for nothing more than to be dominated and controlled by Women.

It wasn't experimenting or play-acting to me. It was an epiphany, a realization that this is who I am. This is what I was meant to be.

I wonder sometimes, if the girls remember our games that summer and if it affected them in any way. They were willing, even eager participants even it was my idea and my suggestion at first. Did it warp them, scar them for life...or empower them?

Are there two Mistresses out there right now, toying and playing and dominating men for their pleasure as adults thanks to me?



Happpy Birthdayversary! (decadance ensues)

By now I was feeling quite exhausted. I’d been up for a full 24 hours and spent a good bit of that time engaged in {ahem} vigorous activity. He peered around, blinking, trying to clear vision dulled from having been blindfolded for hours; I pulled him against me and we collapsed together on the sofa.

For all the kinky, raunchy things we do I think one of the most important things tia and I give to each other is the simple joy of snuggling. Lying in each other’s arms, bodies pressed together. Stroking his springy curls and marveling at the way he feels curled against me, so sweet and tender and somehow, at least to my Mistress-ly psyche, submissive. Like he’s completely surrendered to me and found utter peace in doing so. After the very thorough fucking of his mind & body that’d been going on this night it was obvious that he was floating in bliss. Maybe he wasn’t even aware of the way he continued gently humping against my leg, his frustrated winkie desperately trying for some satisfaction. But I noticed his lust-driven motions. And seeing how thrillingly aroused he was, how lost in ecstasy after all the nasty things I’d been doing to him, got me going once again.

After a little while I impulsively pushed him down on the mat once more and climbed on top of him. Reaching into my nearby dildo case I pulled out a condom and a couple of mini clothespins. I rolled the condom over his erection and slid down onto it, taking it easily inside myself. Then I leaned forward and clipped a pin to each nipple. From his reaction I guessed that the pinch of these was much more bearable – and pleasurable – than the full size variety. Which only encouraged me to play with them more, and harder.

I twisted the pins and flicked them with my fingers. I lightly slapped them. I grabbed them, pulling them farther and farther away from his body until his nipples were painfully stretched. And then I really started to move, riding him harder and harder, stretching those nipples out more and more with every thrust. My powerful humping made his body slide around under me; I viciously pulled his nipples out even further, holding them in place above his chest as if I were trying to use them as tiny anchors.
Poor thing; I guess it’s nothing to be wondered at if his little cockette started to wilt from all that, ah, stimulation.

But once again the feeling of taking him sadistically, without regard for his pleasure, of raping him, had got me REALLY excited. I wanted another orgasm, the full-strength clitoral kind. He gasped as I abruptly hopped off, then whined at the torture of cold air where seconds ago there had been slippery wet heat engulfing him. I tugged his leash as I swung around to sit on the sofa, making him scramble to his knees and crawl hesitantly toward me. “Get your face over here slave.” I ordered, patting my shaved pussy lips. “I want you to lick me.”

This time his moans were muffled by the folds of my cunt as he obediently nuzzled up to my crotch and started licking. He ran his tongue up and down the full length of my slit, which he knows I like, and sucked gently on my outer labia. I closed my eyes and lay back, savoring the sensations. But it wasn’t quite what I wanted; so after two or three minutes I pushed his head down and amended my order: “Lick my hole slut.”

From the way he groaned I guess he found my order especially humiliating. I found it delicious, feeling that tongue alternately darting into my hole and delicately lapping at the outer rim of my vagina I slipped a finger down and began rubbing my clit again. I took my time this time, or at least I tried to. I held off from coming for a while anyway, floating in a cloud of ecstatic sensation. When I finally let go, allowing the waves of orgasm to crash over me, I bucked so hard againsthim it’s a wonder I didn’t give him a bloody nose.

Once the waves of pleasure had dissipated I had to take a nap. I ordered tia to curl up on the floor next to the sofa, spread a coverlet over him and settled myself down on the sofa. I dozed for an hour or so, enough to get my second wind, and then seeing it was after ten I decided it was time to put the next part of my plan in motion. This part required that tia be left in bondage while I went out for a while. So I ran a heavy chain through the d-rings on his shackles, around the leg of the sofa, and fastened it with a padlock. Another length of chain for his ankles and I was confident that the illusion of inescapable bondage was complete. (It was only an illusion of course; should there be a real emergency he could have unfastened the shackles with very little effort.) I stood over him, legs apart, and informed him that I was leaving for a while, and he better not try to get away while I was gone. Giving him a little kick in the flank I turned, snatched up my purse, and strode out the door.

My errand was fetching a large quantity of barbeque, tia’s favorite food. So when I returned about 30 minutes later I left the bags in the van so the smell wouldn’t give me away. As soon as I got in I fed him another allergy pill, awkwardly holding the glass so he could sip some water while still chained to the sofa. I doubt he stayed hard the entire time I was gone, but his cockette was fully erect and glistening with pre-cum when I got around to noticing it now. So I decided it was time to let my sissy slave have a nice orgasm of his own…but only in a very sissy fashion of course.

I’d taken a few minutes before I left to wash the toys, so now I stood and went to the kitchen to retrieve my strap-on. I stripped to my bra and panties and wiggled back into the leather harness, with the purple vibrating dildo in place. Returning to the living room I unchained tia from the sofa. Now he was lying on his back; I squirted a glob of lube on the head of my cock, lifted his legs, and took aim at his already well-fucked hole. Leaning into him I let my own body weight force my cock deep inside, until my pelvis rested against the curve of his ass. And then I began to fuck him with slow, deep thrusts. I started out softly, lying on top of him, kissing and stroking him like a gentle lover. But soon I sat back on my haunches, pushing his legs against his chest and reaming him.

“Touch yourself slut,” I ordered. “I want to see you wanking that little cockette for me.” He moaned and obediently reached down to wrap his huge hand around his tiny dick. I love to tease him about how small his penis is, how insignificant it is to me. But in actual fact it’s a perfectly normal 5.75”. It LOOKS really small when he’s holding it though; his hands are so large they dwarf it. And I’m not sure why this sight – of his big long fingers wrapped around his delicate dicklet – gets me so hot, but it does. Maybe I get a thrill from seeing my verbal humiliations brought visually to life.

My growing excitement shows in my words; as he tugs on his joystick I spew a stream of obscenities, telling him how he belongs to me, how he’s nothing but a fucktoy, a piece of meat for my pleasure, a collection of holes for me to rape and plunder. His arousal is obvious in his grunts, whimpers and moans, but I can also tell he’s holding back. He knows better than to cum without permission…and he’s also inhibited by that streak of fastidiousness that I so love to violate. He would want to cum in a condom, or a tissue, or anywhere else but all over himself, making a sticky mess. So naturally that’s what I want him to do.

I push his hand away and grab hold of that pretty phallus myself. Jerking my hand up and down the curved shaft I growl “I want you to cum for me slut, just like this. Cum with your ass stuffed full of my big dick and your little cockette in my hand where it belongs. Shoot your sissy cream all over your belly and make a big icky mess for me. Cum for me NOW slave, and show me what a well-trained ass whore you really are.” Groaning helplessly, with his eyes rolled back in his head, he did just that.

His cum spurted out over my fingers and onto his tummy, rivulets of sperm trickling down to fill his bellybutton. I kept squeezing his cockette until it ceased to twitch, coaxing every last dribble out of it. Then I dipped two fingers into the viscous mess on his belly, scooping up as much of it as I could, and cheerfully ordered “Now open up slut! You know the rule: when sissy cums, sissy eats it! And lucky you,” I continued as he slurped the goo off my fingers, “today you get to taste it fresh without that nasty condom flavor.” He moaned as I dipped my fingers in the puddle of cum again, collecting another glob of slimy jizz and feeding it to him. I continued scooping it up and feeding it to him until I couldn’t get any more off him. And then I wiped my fingers on his belly and face, smearing the remains of his orgasm all over him.

He was still shuddering, deep down the rabbit hole of sexual degradation, when I finally pulled my cock out of him and clambered to my feet. Looming over him I reached out one foot to fondle and mash his wilted member. “Awww my little sissy, look at you” I gushed sweetly, “that’s exactly how a slut like you should look: well fucked and covered in cum.” I gave a final stomp, squashing his genitals under my bare foot, before turning away to wiggle out of my harness once more.

When I turned back I saw that he was sitting up and scrubbing at his semen-stained face with his hands. “Stop that slut!” I barked, reaching for my crop and dealing out a slash on his shoulder with it. “Stupid whore, if I wanted you to clean that off I’d have told you to! You’re nothing but a cumbucket now and you better get used to wearing it.”

Giving him a second sharp whack I bent to retrieve a small black case from the side pocket of a duffel bag. “And here’s another thing you’ll have to get used to wearing slave.” I chortled, spilling the clear plastic bits of his chastity cage out on the sofa. I tugged the leash to get him up on his knees and facing me, then began the finicky process of locking him into it. First the ring around the back, behind the balls, then the bit that closes the ring and holds it in place. Next the ribbon tied painfully tight just below the glans and used to pull the penis down into the shaft of the cock-cage. The happy second of snapping the lock closed followed by the painful moments of pulling and prying to loosen the ribbon and free it from the cage. When he was finally secured in it I gave the device a few smacks, making it clatter and bounce from side to side as I reminded him “There now, that’s safely locked away. Because nobody is interested in using that silly little thing, are they slut? Except to torture and control you with.” Grinning evilly, I slipped on my tshirt and yoga pants then sauntered outside to collect the barbeque.

He must have had an inkling of what was to come as soon as the smoky sweet aroma hit him. But he cannot have anticipated me strolling in with a dog dish in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other. I perched on the sofa and plonked the double dish down on the floor in front of him. One side of the dish was piled high with savory ribs and chicken wings, liberally slathered with his favorite sauce. I popped open the top of the beer and, pouring it into the other side of the dish I declared “NOW I have crossed the line into complete decadence!”

to be continued..

A Sissy's Holiday

It was just before Xmas and I was with Mistress and her husband on the couch dressed in a pink sheer mesh chemise, thong panties and pink seamed stockings, high heels and my collar. I hadn't been made up but Mistress wanted me to look as pretty as possible anyway, and she liked my choice of outfit.

We watched a movie for a while and had some wine and eventually, with that gleam in her eye she told me to fetch her crop and wait for her and Sir in the playroom on my knees, the crop held between my teeth. I scampered off to the playroom to obey and tried to hold her crop as best I could without getting teethmarks on it.

Not that it spared me any lashes when she came in! But I could tell she wanted some other kind of entertainment, as she sat in a chair and told me to crawl to her husband and beg him to spank me.

The embarrassment and the wine made it hard to beg without a nervous giggle or two but I did manage to beg him to spank my sissy ass and with a big smile he shackled my wrists and and chained me up standing in the corner.

What followed was....one of the most erotic experiences of my life. *bright blush*

I've had forced bi experiences before...you'd think I'd have become used to it by now, but no, its still a very powerful act to me. And usually my experiences in the past have been more sexual than sensual, if you follow what I'm saying. Like the difference between making love and fucking.

He played me like an instrument and I loved every second of it. Soft touches, caresses, kissing the back of my neck, stroking my cockette through my panties, grabbing and rubbing my ass before SMACK SMACK SMACK he spanked me bare-handed until I cried out only to start all over again with the soft touches.

I felt so...feminine. Like this was the epitome of my physical and mental forced feminization. Not only was I to look the part, to please my Mistress and her husband, but I should act the part as well, feel it in my soul that this was my place, this was my purpose--to be a feminized fucktoy to them both.

My body responded to it, making me writhe in my chains helplessly. I remember letting out a moan of deep surrender as he grabbed my hair and kissed me hard. This told my Owners I was ready to be fucked.

He tried with me standing there, chained in the corner as I was but the heights just wouldnt match up so I was told to get on all fours in front of Mistress and lick her as he took my ass.

It was very hard and sharp feeling...its a massive cock, and there have been times in the past where it was simply too painful. But he was so gentle with me, and...and maybe I was just more 'ready' than I had ever been before, I dont know, but I took it much much better than I had before, although it was very hard to concentrate on pleasing Mistress with my mouth!

It was pain, it was pleasure, it was oh so very humbling to be fucked like that, surrendering my sexuality to my Mistress, relishing in my role as slut and playtoy to her and her husband.

As he came inside me I felt so...fulfilled. But ohhhh so frustrated, as I ached for more. Mistress & Sir were done with me for the night but I was so far gone into slutty subspace I wanted to be used and used and used again all night!

It would be two days later, on the 3rd year anniversary of the day where I met my Mistress in the flesh for the first time, after a day of being used by her in every way was I allowed to cum. And even then I was only allowed to do so as a proper sissy--on my back as she fucked my ass with her strap on!

Mmmm...it was a beautiful, beautiful holiday indeed! ;)

Ohhh the fantasies in my head...

Mistress has been teasing me lately about getting me a 'boyfriend'.

*BLUSH*

The following is from my slave journal written after one particularly tortuous night of being teased & denied, kept on the edge of orgasm while she humiliated me with my own fantasies and burning ache to submit and be used..

I love the thought of it not being up to me at all. Having pictures taken, then put up online for you to write a profile for and go over all applicants—who know they are communicating with you, not me. Teased and humiliated and made to feel like a piece of meat, a fucktoy. I can just see the evil delight in you as you write the flirty profile, and go through the responses while I kneel helplessly at your feet.

Then the terror/humiliation if you actually *pick* someone. What if you don’t tell me anything about them at all? What if it’s a total surprise? It could be anyone…maybe even that dom gay male couple on collarme I see from time to time, or a dom cd, or some lecherous tranny chaser…

All I’m told is that I am to obey them, and I am to respond not only like a girl, but enthusiastically!

And then I’m totally feminized from head to toe, wig, makeup, some slutty outfit, and taken out…no choice in the matter, feeling very much like some sort of virgin sacrifice. I could be being taken to a gay bar, where I will have to have a few drinks and be ‘wooed'. I could be taken to some private home where I’ll be put in chains and fucked.

It could be anything…but all I can do is obey you, and whoever he or she is by extension.

I can see you there with me. Cropping me if I’m not enthusiastic enough. Ordering me to respond this way or that way—like spreading my legs back to be touched, or to use my tongue for a kiss.

And even more squirmy than this hot imagined scene? The idea that it might not be an isolated incident. That I might have to do my makeup and prepare myself for this person myself in the future.

That total surrender…ohhhhh….

Submission: its not always easy

I'm fully aware, believe me, of how fortunate I am to be the collared sissy slave to Mistress Erisiana Cherie. I live a life that sometimes resembles a porn movie, or a piece of sissy fiction. I serve (occasionally) her husband; am toyed with and teased by his submissive girl; attend rather naughty play parties and go to dungeons and clubs. I've had experiences I never, ever in my wildest dreams that I thought would ever come true.

But submission is not always like a porn movie. Sometimes its hard, difficult, frustrating (in the bad sense). Sometimes there are arguments, misunderstandings. Sometimes real life just gets in the way.

I find myself slightly suspicious when I see blog/forum entries that's basically describe a 24/7 porn movie BDSM lifestyle where everyone seems to be in everyone else's pants all the time. No one seems to have job or child responsibilities, or ever seems get tired, ill, or just not in the mood.

Kind of like how you almost never see characters on tv or movies go to the bathroom. :P

And yet, I myself have a life that others may disbelieve as well. Which I really wouldn't blame them--sometimes I don't believe it myself!

But there are times *I* am 'not in the mood', emotionally or physically. And at times like this...submission is hard. I'm not in the headspace I should be in, I'm not serving my Mistress as well as I could, as well as she deserves.

Such a time happened just the other night.

I was out of town, on business, all alone in a cheap hotel without even a working tv set. I don't want to say what I do for a living, but just know that its on the very low end of a blue collar job, it doesn't pay the greatest, the hours are long and physically demanding. It sometimes involves getting up long before dawn to drive a hundred miles away or more, working a long tiring day, driving back to catch a few hours sleep before doing it all over again.

Mistress knows this, and understands this. She is so loving and generous in heart and patience. But sometimes she makes a point of establishing her control of me when she knows it isn't easy for me. Indeed, that's more than likely why she does it. But knowing that doesn't exactly make it easy at the time.

So I was out of town, kind of worn out from the day. I had thought about having a relaxing swim in the hotel pool, then doing a bit of reading before calling it a night. I was missing Mistress...I always miss her during my workweeks, and being so far out of town only made it worse. I wrote her a email on my phone, then stripped naked and took a photo of myself, kneeling and kissing my necklace-collar to send to her as a surprise, because I knew she was missing me as well.

She enjoyed the photo and appreciated the gesture. A little too much, because it was then an evil little lightbulb went off in her head and she decided on the spot to do some long distance training via text messages.

Its here that I might lose some of you reading this, particularly unattached submissives who might think me crazy or ungrateful for not fully appreciating Mistress taking the time to toy with me. All I can say is that this is real life, its a real relationship, and I think its unrealistic if not impossible to expect two people in that relationship to be always raring to go, 24/7.

Mistress ordered me to look through the phone book for any adult stores or adult theaters in the area. "Oh God," I thought. "Please Mistress, no..I am so tired and I don't like where this is going..please don't send me out to some strange porn store to do God-knows-what when I'm out here on company business. Suppose I'm caught? Suppose I'm fired?"

All the raced through my mind but I obeyed, on my knees in the hotel room going through the phone book, wearing only my pink panties and a towel that she had me wrap around my chest--like a woman might to cover her breasts after a shower.

She had me edge twice while looking for listings, to 'put your mind in the proper place'.

I was more than a bit relieved to tell her, truthfully, that there were no adult listings. Apparently that part of central Florida is in the ultra-religious anti-adult-anything part of the state, where consenting adults making perfectly legal adult movies of themselves can be arrested by police with apparently nothing better else to do.

NOT the best place in the world to be going out and doing naughty stuff to begin with, let alone when one is there on business! :P

Mistress seemed to accept this, although via the internet, she did find some adult strip club 50 miles away from me. No please no. She then asked if there was a Walgreens or something near me. Yes Mistress, I admitted, (not liking where this was going either), there is a Walgreens near me.

"Then, my little chickenshit sissy, BEG ME to be allowed to go buy some sissy supplies--some lipgloss, pantyhose, condoms & lube--INSTEAD of being forced to go to a porn store to expose yourself like the sissy you really are!"

I cringed. I didn't like this idea either. In fact, while safer for me it would also be more embarrassing--being outted as a perv out and about among vanilla people.

I knew I would have no choice but to obey. The hour was growing later and later...it was already too late for a swim; I knew I would have to get to bed early to get up the next day, the longer I resisted the inevitable or tried to beg my way out of it the longer it would take. I felt her will break me down, felt that evil smile on her face.

Yes Mistress.

I dressed quickly, my mind all abuzz with conflicting thoughts and feelings--arousal at her dominance and humiliation of me, annoyance, aggravation, and even a flash of anger at her horrible (in my opinion at the time) sense of timing--fucking with me a hundred miles away when I knew that she knew I was so tired and not wanting to play.

I got to the store, it was just a minute or two away. texted her that I was about to be outted as a pervert for her amusement, then went in.

I was so nervous and jittery...I *really* do not like public exposure at all, and I knew, damnit, that this would only attract MORE attention to myself. I furtively darted aisle to aisle in the cosmetics section. A woman employee WOULD be organizing the lipstick section at that moment, of course. :P Just my luck.

I agonized over what to do for several minutes...I couldn't tell what was lipgloss and what was lipstick from the next aisle over, and its not like I have a whole lot of experience shopping in the makeup section to start with.

I lucked out, as behind me in a whole section on its on was some Burt's Bees lipgloss. (Although I'm not sure if it counted, as it seems to be more of a lip BALM) Ignorance is bliss and a reasonable defense, I decided, and grabbed the tube of lip-something and continued my quest to embarrass myself.

I was angry by this point and more than a little rebellious. Despite my pleas, Mistress would not help me by telling me where to find lipgloss, what size of pantyhose to get. I was NOT going to buy lube, I decided. I grabbed lubed condoms instead. Two birds with one stone.

The pantyhose. Ah hell.

A quick peek around the corner told me that the woman employee was kind of involved in what she was doing down the aisle by the lipsticks: I *should* be safe enough to dash forward and grab a box of pantyhose without attracting too much attention. What size? What color? ARRRGH.....

Fuck it. I darted forward and grabbed the first box I saw that said 4X. I wasn't sure if it would fit (it was a bit tight later) but I'm not about to be caught browsing different pairs of pantyhose.

Now the checkout line. 'Damn you', I messaged to my gleeful Mistress.

I got through the line, cute perky checkout girl and all, and with a 'Have a good night Sir!' ringing in my ears I was out the door!

And a nervous wreck by this point. :P

Nervous and fuming with anger, I managed to drive PAST my hotel and had to do a u-turn and then another u-turn on the divided road to get back, half-convinced I would get in some sort of accident at the way my luck was going.

I make it back to my room and tell her that I have succeeded, Oh Vile One.

She has me strip and put the pantyhose and lipgloss on, then has me kneel on my bed and suck on the end of my hairbrush as if it were a real cock.

*bright blush* Ok, I admit it, the anger had faded by this point. I had fallen into her spell as she KNEW I would. I was turned on and ready to obey, wanting to please her.

Eventually she had me rip the pantyhose apart, front and back, and fuck my ass with the brush while humping the bed until I came in my panties. I used a lubed condom on the brush and thrust it in and out a little bit, not exactly enthusiastically.

And when it was done I was finally given permission to go to bed, spending the night in my soiled panties.

The point of all of this rambling--other than to hopefully entertain and amuse Mistress when she reads this--is really just to illustrate real-life submission as opposed to porno movie submission. Its not always easy, and can be aggravating at times when it conflicts with real life demands. It can, and has been, emotionally painful on occasion (which I doubt I will ever talk about here).

I'm pretty sure she KNEW I wasn't in the mood, could tell my resistance a hundred miles away. She can read me like a book, from the workings of my crazed neurotic little mind to the depths of my heart.

She knew I would obey her in spite of it all. That's why she did it, to let me feel owned by her, to feel her foot on the back of my neck from the other side of the state.

And I love her for it.

She knew that as well.

Damn her. *soft smile*

Assfucking Addendum

It had been a lovely day. A healing day: I had just had a death in my family, and Mistress had decided the best way to help me through the grieving process was a day of total hedonism; using and abusing her slave until I was sore. Unconventional for sure, and quite possibly it might strike others as disrespectful, but it worked.

It was...kind of like a celebration of life, in the face of death. Mistress reminding me just how sweet life can be, and turning what would have been a day spent dwelling in darkness (as I would have done had she not been there) into a day of love, laughter, and happiness.

That morning I had been well used indeed, which Mistress has written about in epic scope. The afternoon had been kind of lazy and relaxing and recovering. We went out for an early dinner consisting of alcohol with a little bit of steak thrown in for nutritional value. So we got back kind of happy, not three sheets to the wind per se, more like one and a half. ;D

Mistress had me change into a purple sissy t-shirt, my new purple fluffy skirt that she just got me, thong panties and purple fishnets. I get the odd feeling she likes seeing me in purple. I'm observant; I pick up on things like that.

She changed into black panties and ohmygod black fishnets...and then she put the strap on dildo on...ohhhhh my mind raced...She'd already used my mouth and cockette to please her in every possible way that day: it seemed very likely now that she would use my sissy ass as well and make the job of using me complete.

But first things first..I was instructed to go to the bathroom and use an enema kit. I obeyed, and was soon on my knees on the bathroom floor administering the nasty thing when Mistress decided to come in and "assist" me. *BLUSH* Now I don't have an enema fetish at all but somehow the act of her doing that to me, totally invading my last shred of privacy in that most embarrassing moment, was so hot, so humiliating...it made me feel so much like just an object, Her property to use in any and all ways she chooses. This was reinforced by her putting her fishnet-clad foot on the back of my head as I knelt in the bathroom, pushing my face into the floor, forcefully reminding me: this isn't just a game or a 'scene'. This is REAL. This is my life, I belong to this Woman body and soul.

Once I was cleansed she inserted a buttplug in me to prepare me for the evening, then had me kneel on the couch and suck her strap on while she watched one of my sissy porn videos, teasing me as I mimicked what the sissy on the screen was doing, getting into my head and pushing all my buttons as skillfully as a master violinist plays the strings. But after a little while it was off to the bedroom for flogging and sodomy.

It hurt - sharply at first - when she pushed into me. Anal play is not always easy for me. But after a bit of urging I soon found myself on all fours, feeling myself be taken by her, feeling my body surrender to her and respond in kind. I felt so...gloriously helpless beneath her, just a piece of slutty sissy fuckmeat there for her pleasure and use. She spanked my ass as she fucked me, pulled my hair and head back, faster and faster and more like we were two animals in heat.

I wanted to stay that way forever...deep in subspace, and deep into the sheer physical joy of being totally used for my Mistress's pleasure. At that point, in my head, I knew I totally belonged to her. That there was nothing in the world that I wouldn't do for her, and I would give anything in the world to just be feminized and fucked by her the rest of my days.

The pleasure in my sissy cockette began to grow to an unbearable state...but I didn't want to cum, I didn't want to stop, I wanted my Mistress to cum from fucking me, to obtain her pleasure from me using me like a girl...but it was too much, I was so close, I begged her for permission...granted...

And I had perhaps one of the most intense orgasms of my life as my Owner took me hard, shuddering through my body from head to toe in waves of pleasure and subspace.

---

So slut, shall we do it again sometime? - Mistress, grinning evilly

Sissy cummies

Playtime in a 24/7 relationship is a little different from that engaged in by folks whose D/s relationships are part-time. While we do sometimes have full-on scenes where everybody is dressed to impress and the Official Kinky Toys get used, more often I will integrate little mini-scenes into our everyday lives. And last night was one of them.

We were sitting together in the living room. Tia had just finished a video game and I was catching up on some emails and texting with my husband. And I was taken by a whim to let my slutty slavegirl have a little fun...but in a sissy-appropriate way, of course!

So I told him to go fetch a pouf and some lipgloss, and to put on something pretty for me. He left the room obediently, casting me a beseeching look as he walked away, and returned a few minutes later wearing an ivory satin slip (decorated with a tiny pink rosebud!) and carrying the cushion and gloss.

I was sitting with my feet propped up on a small ottoman; I directed him to put the cushion down and kneel before me. When he was on his knees I gestured for him to lean forward so I could apply the berry-flavored gloss. This little act of feminization had him shuddering and closing his eyes, awash in a sea of submissive desire. I could feel the proof of his desire in the growing stiffness in his panties, pressing against my prettily painted toes. This was exactly what I'd intended and I began to caress his sissy cockette with my bare feet.

I teased him while I rubbed, taunting him with his response to me: "horny little slut, look at you...Mistress barely touches you and you're all hard and making a mess in your pretty panties. But you just can't help yourself, can you? You're just a horny little sissy slave who wants to be used all the time, aren't you? You'd like to spend every minute sucking cock and getting fucked, wouldn't you my little slut?"

The nylon fabric of the chemise was pleasurably slippery, sliding easily over his pink satin panties. But I wanted to feel SKIN. So I tucked it up and out of the way, and pulled his panties down in front to expose his dicklet. I grabbed a tub of lotion and smeared a dollop on the soles of my feet.

"Well slut, you're in luck...Mistress is going to let you cum today. But you're gonna do it like a sissy should...rubbing your little cockette worshipfully against my feet until you shoot your sissy cream all over them. And then you will lick them clean, and swallow every drop. Because a cocksucking sissy slave like you has to learn to eat cum too, doesn't she?"

I guided him in sliding his sensitive flesh between the soles of my feet, and pressed them together harder, toying with MY property. I could feel him throbbing and he thrust against me, moaning.

"You can cum tonight, my little sissy, but ONLY if you can manage to do it like this, humping Mistress' feet while she chats with someone else on her laptop. And you better make it quick too slut, or I might get bored and order you to stop. Because the ONLY reason you're allowed this pleasure is for my amusement, isn't that right whore? You're my property now and EVERYTHING about you belongs to me, including your orgasms."

"This is what your life will be like from now on my pretty little fucktoy. There'll be no NORMAL sex for you ever again. In fact, you'll be lucky if I don't lock that little cockette up in a chastity cage, where you can't even touch it. From now on sex for you means getting fucked or sucking dick, or sometimes...if you're lucky...being allowed to cum, like this, for your Mistress' amusement."

And he did.

It was wicked cool, feeling him pulsing against my soles as he shot his load. And he's soooo sensitive after cumming; I'm sure it was a special sort of torture to have me squashing it between my feet at just that moment. **evilgrin**

There was quite a lot of it too, and he grimaced hugely while doing the job. But my slut obediently licked every last drop of sissy spunk off my feet and ankles.

And then we went right back to what we were doing, hehehe!

Tia's first video!

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