Revelations in subspace, or, "How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Being a Pornslut"

First, the backstory:

Its been an intense week in my submissive life.

On Sunday I was used. Really used. Used like a submissive like me dreams of: I was repeatedly, roughly, and aggressively used and fucked by Mistress in *every* possible way and was not allowed to cum at all. Which didn't even matter to me, really. Physical frustration ebbs and fades away once the teasing and arousal stops and becomes more manageable. But the joy of pleasing my Mistress over and over again? The wonderful submissive feelings of being helpless before Her, and put in my place?

That's what its all about. My God, She was so beautiful...so fierce and aggressive. A true Goddess in every sense of the word. Takes my breath away.

So...that was the start of my week...then I had a few unpleasant workdays, back in the so-called 'real world'. I was relaxing on the couch after such a workday on Wed night when Mistress and shygirl (Mistress's husband's subbie girl, for those of you who do not follow our blog and may be confused by all the polyamorous twists & turns :p) unexpectedly come through the door to surprise me!

In no short order I was told I was going to be used by both of them that night (!) and, in shygirl's exact words, "Just let it happen!". I was told to strip down to my panties and put something sexy on. I chose a sexy teal satin nightie and joined them in our 'studio' room. There Mistress directed shy to sit on my face for a little while before both of them put strapon dildos on, sandwiching me between them at first, but before long Mistress just sat back and directed shy as she fucked me, eventually coming to an apparently powerful orgasm (her first orgasm ever while fucking someone with a strapon!), grinding into me and smacking my ass as she came.

Then Mistress took HER turn. With the larger dildo!

I should also mention at this point that Mistress filmed all of this...she does this for a number of hot scenes in our lives--its not just for business, however. Its also an ongoing record of my submission to her. And it does add spice....sometimes (more on this later).

Of course, I was *still* not permitted to cum. :P

So then we get to last night (Fri), the point of all of this sexy rambling (and no its NOT just 'wank fodder' you would-be Fetlife forum troll/overzealous anal retentive moderator-type person, if persons of such type be reading this...)

(doubtful, those kind of people usually just skim a little before making some sort of quick narrow minded judgement or snarky comment and don't really READ anything :P)

I digress: I've just become very jaded & cynical about forum/blog behavior these days.

Anyway, back to last night: Mistress feminizes me--the whole 9 yards this time, something we don't do that often in our everyday lives due to time constraints and such. It DOES make it more special when she does it as a result.

She administered an enema (*blush*) and had me bodyshave, then pick my own outfit for the evening "as if you were dressing to please your BOY-friend" she teased. I picked a pink satin nightie, a cute pair of matching panties, thigh high white stockings and my heels. Mistress then did my makeup and put me in my blonde wig.

Each step of this process I'm drifting off into subspace...my psyche (for reasons I'll delve into some other time) equates feminization with being kept prisoner. Therefore its bondage to me. The more involved, the more helpless and kept and submissive I feel.

So I'm already getting deep into subspace before she does anything with me...I'm begging her to be allowed to please her, in any way she wishes.

I'm begging to be put on video for her.

No, this isn't topping from the bottom or begging for something I want for my own sake, even if (as I said earlier) it does add some sexy spice. I'm embarrassed by my photos and videos, and don't think I'm all that attractive in either my male or feminine personas.

I'm begging for it because I know deep down in my heart that this is what will please Mistress the most.

After 2 1/2 years of being this wonderful Woman's slave, and loving her with all of my heart, I've come to read her moods. Try to predict her needs, as best I can, and last night I knew Mistress was feeling the driving need to work. She is a Professional as well as a Lifestyle Mistress, and this IS her work. Its summertime, and thus with no school she's on full time mommy duty and I know the frustrations of not being able to work eats away at her inside. That pressure is increased by the never-ending money worries that are ever present for those of us who are just barely keeping our heads above water.

She needed to work and me, deep in subspace, I read that need and wanted to satisfy it. I felt a deep...giving of myself in the offer, to be filmed and humiliated and frustrated. I felt a pure sense of purpose, and the sheer desire in my heart and soul to please this Woman, my Mistress, my Goddess--was overwhelming, outweighing my personal needs and feelings and frustrations.

And I'll let you now in on a little secret about making porn...its not all fun and games. Sometimes--like the night Mistress spontaneously filmed her and shy taking turns on me with strapons--the camera is a natural part of the scene, and does not distract from the headspaces Mistress and I are in. It feels natural, organic, even erotic--it becomes a tool of humiliation for Mistress to use, just another sexy weapon in her arsenal to use.

Sometimes the camera--and all of the fucking around with the camera, trying to get angles, trying to get everything in the frame, messing around with the lights, sometimes the camera SERIOUSLY detracts from the scene. And in the past sometimes I'd get more than a little frustrated (in the bad sense) at all of the distractions, especially if Mistress was feeling frustrated (also in the bad sense) juggling being an erotic filmmaker and my Mistress at the same time. I'd obey, of course--its not like I can say no, can I?--but I'd come away from the scene feeling a little peevish sometimes.

But last night, deep in subspace, I felt something click in my mind and I came to a revelation, an epiphany of sorts. Something you and others reading this may think should have been obvious all along but in my head I had never really made
the connection:

That being, "Dumb-ass, this isn't all about YOU."

I mean, I'm not an idiot. I'm not a 'top from the bottom' or a 'do-me' kind of so-called submissive at all. I have always wanted to serve and please my dominant, I've been active and kinky for years before ever meeting Mistress, and have found deep satisfaction and even joy in serving...the giving of myself, out of love and obedience.

But when it came to Mistress's pornmaking--I couldn't see the forest for the trees. When she would get frustrated with the camera or something and stopping in the middle of doing something sexy with me--strapons, facesitting, whatever it was we were doing at the time--the ACT itself we were doing at the time was NOT what I as her slave was truly doing as an act of obedience, the truly obedient thing to do--the giving of myself was to recognize and satisfy Mistress's REAL NEED--her need for a smooth shoot.

IE, if Mistress is filming me licking her pussy for the camera, her need ISN'T actually having her pussy licked at all. Her need is for me to perform for the camera, and, more importantly, to soothe jangled nerves and frustrations and keep her 'in the moment'.

Me, being somewhat of an idiot and highly distracted by said pussy in question would confuse my real duties as her slave and be annoyed that the camera stuff was intruding upon my oral service, or whatever I was doing at the time.

Obvious, no? Perhaps it should have been. But it was a revelation to me all the same, and a testament to how far I've come, how much I've grown as a submissive to better serve Mistress's needs--both the said and unsaid ones.

The connection burned itself into my head--that I must learn, am learning to recognize Mistress's needs & motivations.

To truly serve Her.

Sodomy Swerve

I am a big fan of anal sex. So is Izzy. I also occasionally get these "horny spells" where I'm just...insatiable is a word that has been applied. At those times I ESPECIALLY love the added intensity of anal play. In the 36 hours prior to the events I'm about to recount I'd been pleasurably buggered three times already by Izzy. And I had informed my slave that sodomy was defintely among my plans for our time together too.

I'd ordered Tia to dress simply, in a pair of indigo cotton panties and a soft robin's egg blue tshirt. We were making out in his bed, him lying in my arms as I stroked and groped the beautiful body that belongs to me. I kissed him, nibbled his neck, bit his nipples. I pulled him tightly to me and thrust my leg between his, rubbing my thigh against his hardness. And then I pushed him away, stood and ordered him to kneel in the center of the bed.

I grabbed his collar and cuffs, a longish scarf, and 'gizmo', our gag-mounted dildo toy. (We get a LOT of use out of that toy!) I settled in front of him, held out the collar, and said "do you understand what this means?" "Yes mistress, I belong to you" "This body", stroking his torso, "belongs to me, to use as I like." "Yes Mistress" And your LIFE belongs to me, to direct and control." "Yes Mistress" he shuddered, eyes closing and head rolling back.

I moved on to the cuffs. "Give me your wrists" I say, and he obediently holds out his hands, palm up, as I have trained him to do. I am caught by the beauty of them, the clean lines of his wrists moving smoothly into the curves and planes of his large, manly hands. I pause, and look at him seriously "have I ever told you how much I love this part? I so adore this part of your body", stroking those elegant wrists, "and I love it when you offer them to me, and I wrap the shackles around them". He shudders again as I pull the red suede cuffs tight around his wrists and fasten the silver buckles.

Next comes the scarf, which gets threaded through the o-rings on his cuffs and tied in a big pretty bow. His hands thus secured, I push him down onto the bed, commanding him to lay flat on his back. I straddle him, spreading my skirt around us both, and pause for a moment to smirk at him. He must feel my heat, my desire, through both of our panties. And my grinding aganst him, dry-humping him, would surely remove any possible doubt. After a few moments I lean over to reach into the beside table. I pull a condom out of the drawer and sit up, smiling at him. "Here, hold this for me" I command, slipping the wrapped condom between his lips.

I climb off him then, and stand beside the bed. He watches me hungrily, hands tied above his head, cockette straining against his panties, condom held between luscious pink lips. Then I strip, taking care to put on a show and remove each item in a teasingly seductive way. I want him to be not just aroused, but awed by my 'feminine wiles', those seductive arts that I know he so longs to posses himself. After the bra is removed I lean over him, dangling my breasts in his face, brushing my nipples against his cheeks, and say "I wonder sometimes, which longing makes up the biggest part of your desire...the longing to touch and lick and caress my body...or the wish that you had a body like this yourself. You'd love to have gorgeous big tits like mine, wouldn't you slut?" I mash my boobs in his face as he moans an affirmative. Then standing again I continue with my impromptu striptease.

Once I'm naked I climb back up on the bed beside him. I pluck the condom from between his lips and pull his panties down just enough to expose his throbbing cockette. He shudders and moans as I roll the latex sheath down over it. Then, straddling him again, I lean over and strap gizmo around his head. I taunt him gently as I do it, rubbing my hot pussy against his latex-sheated erection. "You know slut, just a little while ago I was bent over squealing as Izzy stuffed his lovely fat dick into my ass. Wouldn't it be nice if you could have been there, kneeling beside the bed, watching your Mistress get pounded? And then you'd be so lucky, getting to lick and slurp all his yummy cum out of me afterward. Or maybe, if you were REALLY lucky, he'd pull out of me and shoot his goo all over your face, eh? Shoot directly into your open mouth even, right onto your stuck-out tongue. You'd like that, wouldn't you slut?"

"Es Issress" he moans.

I lift myself enough to reach down, grab his penis and guide it into me. "You're such a lucky slut, that Mistress finds your little cockette acceptable to use this way. I mean, I really wouldn't MIND another couple of inches you know. But your little thing will do." I continue muttering for a few more seconds, but soon I'm lost in the sensations of that little curved cock rubbing against my sweet spot. I put my hands on his arms, pushing against them for leverage as I ride him until I cum. I rest for a few seconds after this first orgasm then pull off of him, smiling evilly as I remark "I told you I intended sodomy to be on the menu for us today. But I never said which one of us I meant to get sodomized!" And with that (plus a dab of lube) I sat back down on his face, maneuvering gizmo into my ass as I did so.

As I said it's no secret that I love being anally penetrated; Izzy and I have great buttsex quite regularly. But this is the first time I've ever called on Tia to serve me in this way. I make a point of pointing this out: "Do you ever wish you could feel what it's like, slut? Do you think about having your little cockette in my ass, how tight it would be, squeezing around you? No, I bet you don't, do you...you'd be too nervous about it, feeling like it wasn't proper for a sissy slut like you. You want to be on your knees taking it in YOUR ass, not putting it in someone else's, don't you?" He moans, and I gleefully wiggle my bum on his face, mashing his cheeks into mine.

"Yes, I know your poor little cockette isn't up to fucking my butt the way I like it fucked. But you can serve me like this can't you my love? I can use your body as my personal sex toy, with multiple dildo mounts." I bounce on his head, laughing. And then suddenly (as is normal for me with anal sex) I'm cumming again. I grind into his face as I clench and spasm above him, and finally, when the waves subside, I hop off and turn around to face the other way again.

"Umm, having you two ways like this, being able to switch back and forth...it's almost like being fucked by two guys at once. I like that slut, don't you?" I continue as I guide him into my pussy again. "Ohh, now THAT's a nice thought isn't it? Imagine if you were standing by as Mistress got tag-teamed by two hot studs. Wouldn't that be fun? Imagine being on your knees next to the bed, having to suck and 'fluff' whichever one wasn't currently fucking me, having to keep him hard and happy. Imagine how nice it would be to hear me moaning and whimpering in pleasure as I got pounded by some real man-meat. Imagine how much fun it would be to lick their cum out of my pussy and ass after they pumped it into me."

I'm riding him hard, undulating my pelvis, rubbing my clit feverishly against him.. "Oh, no, wait...I think I'd have to insist that they both pulled out of me and came on your pretty face, in your open mouth. Just so you can compare the taste, you know? Two different flavors of cum in your mouth, from two different guys. A sissy slut should have that experience I think, don't you?" His face is screwed up in that look of "oh shit I don't know how I can stop myself from cumming right this fucking second concentrateconcentrateconcentraaaaate". I love that look.

But I decide to be merciful. I spring up again, swinging around and sliding back down on the dildo rising from his gagged mouth. This time I sit up with it in me, leaning back against the wall. His vision must be completely obscured by my ass and probably his breathing too. I move my hips in little circles, making the dildo swirl around inside me, then fall forward, leaning on his chest, and start thrusting hard against him. I slam my ass into his face, revelling in having the dildo fill me so deliciously while I simultaneously put my slave in a place of such deep submission. How he must feel it! Both the physical discomfort of having me fuck him like this and the pangs of being so thoroughly used. His face turned into my personal anal dildo. It doesn't take long before I'm cumming again.

Once I'm down from the crest of this one I'm ready for something different. I climb off the dildo and order him to get on his knees. Lying on my back I pull a pillow under my hips and gesture him to kneel between my legs. He knows exactly what to do, and lifts his still-bound hands behind his head as he waits for me to get comfortable. Then I guide his erection into my hot cunt once more. I start rubbing my clit with one hand, pinching and twisting my nipples with the other. Too excited now for speech I close my eyes and focus on the sensations. My arousal keeps spiraling up; every orgasm so far only a prelude to the big one I know is coming..

But not yet. I push him away from me, and he whimpers as his erection is suddenly cast out in the cold. "Get your head down there slut, I want gizmo in my ass again" I order, pushing him down between my thighs. I prop my feet on his back and tilt my pelvis up, so that he can access my waiting hole. It takes a few clumsy tries but eventually the dildo's inside my butthole. I start thrusting against him, resuming the rubbing of my clit and playing with my nipples.

It's nice enough; I very much like the feeling of switching from one way of using my slave to another over and over again. But in this position the dildo just doesn't go as deeply inside me as I like. So after a few seconds I push his head away, and gesture that I want him on his knees again. When he's planted in my pussy once more I resume rubbing and pinching, pinching and rubbing. I'm moments away from cumming again when I open my eyes and see his face. Realizing he's about to lose it I shove him hard away from me; his whimpers are almost sobs as his now-inescapable orgasm is completely ruined. I laugh once more and promise him "you'll pay for that later slut!"

But for now..reaching into the nightstand again I pull out another condom, open the package and slide it down over gizmo. Then I push Tia's head down between my thighs once more. This time the dildo is slid into my throbbing pussy, and this time (we've done this many times before) there's no fumbling. So within a few minutes I am bucking wildly against him, crying out in my own spectacularly satisfying (and not at all spoiled) orgasm.

When I've come down again I reach behind his head to unbuckle the dildo/gag. I grab his hair as I remove the dildo from my pussy, pulling his face into my dripping snatch at the same time. "Lick me slut" I command, and he obeys, sliding his tongue up and down my folds. He licks and slurps, and sucks gently on my clit, provoking a few more orgasmic aftershocks. Finally I pull him up, away from my still-spasming cunt. He moans and I pat the bed beside me, saying "come up here and snuggle with me now precious."

And maybe that was the best part: lying there afterward, blissfully spent, with my dear slave whimpering and moaning and rubbing against me in aching frustration.

It's good to be the Mistress. ;)