Why "Forced Bi"?

My sexuality has evolved over the years. I've examined and reexamined my psyche to figure out what makes me tick because I like to know the why's of things.

I'm comfortable enough now to admit I have a bi-side...but...it has to be in context. Just looking at a guy doesn't do anything for me (although pretty sissies and shemales most definitely does!) but if I am feminized and submissive and under control, ie being 'forced' to do so I squirm and ache and yearn for it with all of my sissy heart.

The outside and cynical observer will and has claimed that 'forced bi', like 'forced fem', is just an excuse the submissive male needs to act out bi or gay tendencies to alleviate any guilt or shame the male may feel from those tendencies. A way for the psyche to rationalize what he is doing. And for some male subs, for all I know that may even be the case. But I think its wrong to generalize and thereby dismiss fetish people like this: put them all in some pat and easy to understand box. I think reality is a lot more complex than this.

I can't speak for all subs, but I can speak for myself, and I know its nowhere near that simple. My sexuality...my submissiveness, my forced fem desires, my forced bi, they all derive from a deep need to be wanted. Loved. Secure. If someone goes to all of that trouble to keep me (feminize, dominate, enslave) and not let me go, they must REALLY really want me. And my inner self feels warm and safe and loved.

Everything else--the dressing, the rituals, the protocols etc etc are just externalizations of that deep basic human need. The means to an end.

When I was a child my mind made the equation that being kept in female clothes was just like bondage. Put me in a dress, take my male clothes away, and I'm helpless to run away, I'm trapped. As I grew older these sexual thoughts evolved, almost like a natural progression. Being dressed up was only one layer of mental bondage...being forced to act the part of female, to pretend my male side did not even exist was another. To surrender my sexuality, be taken with a strap-on dildo was another.

To be forced to submit to a real man...only the next logical step. How far down the rabbit hole can I go, how many more mental chains can be wrapped around me to increase those feelings of being loved and wanted and kept.

To be wanted that much....by men AND women? *shivers*

It took years for my sexuality to evolve to this point. Things that started as the deepest darkest fantasies of my teenage years now come to full bloom as an adult as I began to live some of them out.

I am at my happiest when I am fully feminized and subservient and being dominated and controlled. Owned. It is the hottest, most erotic thing in the world to me as well as the warmest, safest mindspace I can be in. The further down the rabbit hole, the happier I am.

Its utterly utterly addicting. If I didn't have to slave away in the real world I would live like this, if I could.

So yes...I can admit now, I am bi. In context. In the outer world? No, I am not. But as Tia?

Fuck yes. *deep red blush*

Tia wants not only to suck cock and be fucked by one, she wants to be seduced by a man. Touched all over by one, caressed, held down, overpowered by one. Kissed. Long, deep kisses where I melt into it and feel myself far down in that deep mindspace of being so utterly and beautifully feminized that I am lovingly imprisoned in that role. I want to feel strong hands trace their way all around every curve of my body. To surrender, body and soul. Feel that hot hard cock on my asscheeks...shiver with the knowledge that *I*...me of all people!..made him hard and am about to be fucked..

Call him Master.

I want to feel pretty and desired by a man. Even though I know I'm not and nowhere near passable, I need to feel it. To try to believe that someone else thinks I am. To be wanted and kept this way.

That's the heart of the fetish to me. So far down the rabbit hole, to become a wanted and kept sextoy to both men and women, to fulfill that basic desire to be desired.

My own sissy heaven.